Do you feel that parenting teens is the biggest job you’ll ever have? Are you wondering about how to help your child discover his or her unique potential? Are you dedicated to raising a child with character and integrity?Based on the Hyde School’s philosophy of “parents are the primary teachers and the home is the primary classroom,” this podcast was created to help parents understand just how to put this philosophy in place in the home, and to discover the transformative outcomes that happen in families who implement it.You will hear from not only experts in the field of raising teenagers, such as educational consultants, authors, and therapists, but also hear from former Hyde parents and students who share their stories of challenges and triumphs on this journey. We welcome you to jump in and start discovering some “ah ha” moments and practices you can implement right away to bring your family closer together and raise self-confident teenagers with character who become inspiring adults.
“I was the kind of parent who was a negotiator; when rules were broken, I would give them an out.” David Yale – Hyde Alumni Parent
David’s wife died when his daughter was eleven years old. Their parenting style together had been to negotiate with their kids. “We wanted them to be happy,” he says. David had to parent not only through his own grief, but that of his kids.
David shares what The Biggest Job Parenting Program taught him about his parenting and also the community it helped him
“The more vulnerability that I share with my children, the closer we become.” Luc Levensohn, Hyde Alumni Parent
When Luc and his family found Hyde, he learned a lot about the need for a different kind of communication with his daughter – one based on unconditional love but that still included boundaries and accountability.
In this brief, candid interview with a former Hyde dad, we learn a lot about the specialness of father/daughter relationships and the need to be real.
Despite what sounds like a solid foundation in their parenting, they felt their son needed a school with more structure. They were not seeking a character-based school, but after visiting the school and learning about the curriculum, they were sold on Hyde for their son.
“A huge turning point for me,” said Ank Stuyfzand, “was when I was told to focus on myself and let my son focus on himself.”
Whatever your parenting style, you’ll enjoy this brief but sincere conversation with Hyde Alumni Parent, Kate Carey, who realized in their first experience – the interview – that Hyde was the place for her son. She learned that letting go meant allowing her son to make mistakes and learn from them; appreciating that he could teach his parents some things, and that working on her own growth was the best thing for herself and her whole family.
“I didn’t really want my daughter to go away to school…” Jeff Burroughs, former assistant Head of Hyde School, and Hyde Alumni Parent.
As former teachers and administrators at The Hyde School, both Jeff and Melissa Burroughs knew well what the program was like for students and parents. Yet when they found themselves in The Biggest Job Family program with a daughter at the school, their learning about themselves as parents was deeper than even they expected.
“Tell My Story.” - Ryan Reid
Jason (Jay) Reid is doing just that; telling his son, Ryan’s story. Ryan took his life when he was 14, leaving two Post-It Notes: one was the passcode to his computer; the second said “Tell My Story.”
Jay has founded an organization called ChooseLife (www.chooselife.org) and is making a documentary to eradicate – not just raise awareness – but ERADICATE teen suicide by the year 2030.
Who would want to do that – crash their career? But it’s the subtitle of the book, Ditch the Gatekeepers and Be Your Own Credential, written by Isaac Morehouse, a man who likes to call himself radically practical. Isaac has some pretty radical views on education, careers, and freedom; he believes that if college is a four-year social experience, it seems really overpriced.
It’s our 100th podcast! And our very special guest is Joe Gauld, founder of The Hyde School in Bath, ME. I asked Joe to be the guest on our 100th show because it all started with him.
He founded Hyde School to prepare kids for life; after five years, he realized that unless he also reached their parents, he wasn’t helping kids in the best way possible, because the home is the primary classroom and parents are the primary teachers.
Dan Scott is the author of Caught In Between: Engage Your Preteens Before They Check Out; he is also a pastor and writer for Orange Books and speaks to teens and parents about child and adolescent development. He has written several devotionals for kids and believes that faith is as important on Wednesday as it is on the day they are in church or synagogue. He also believes in our familiar phrase: “Parents are the primary teachers and the home is the primary classroom”.
Christian Buck left a career on Wall Street, got an advanced degree in sports psychology, and now works with students to help them see that school can be approached the same way they approach sports in their lives: with vision, goals and hard work. There’s great advice here for parents wanting to help their kids in the same way. Christian is the author of "The Sport of School: How to Help Student-Athletes Improve their Grades for High School, College, and Beyond!"
We talk today with Ron Lieber, author of "The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money". What parent wouldn’t want that? “It’s hard for parents to talk to their kids about money,” says Ron; “they are not dispassionate about money, and not calm and rational about their kids.” His book gives great advice for parents on all things about kids and money, and the connection between money and values.
“Parents need to listen to their teen. Support them in becoming who they want to be, not who you want them to be,” says Marilyn Price-Mitchell PhD, a developmental psychologist, who works as a researcher, writer, and regular columnist in Psychology Today. For the last decade she’s focused efforts on studying how parents, educators and mentors nurture positive strengths in children. In this podcast she relates 8 attributes that are important in children and teens.
Would you, as a parent, buy your kid’s way into college? Malcolm Gauld has been a teacher, coach and head of school; he is currently Director of The Hyde Institute, an organization established to take Hyde’s unique approach to family-based character education to other schools in the nation. He was not surprised to learn that some parents would buy their student’s way into college; but he was surprised by the extent of it. He feels the parents have deprived their children of a very important rite of pa
“You can’t take the struggle out of parenting – it’s built in. The real question is, how much are we willing to challenge ourselves?” says psychotherapist, speaker, & author Sean Glover, who mirrors our approach to parenting: “When parents model the behaviors they want to see in their kids, they lead the way to better communication and a better relationship.” We talk with him about his latest book, "When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully - and Enjoy Being a Pa
Hyde alumni parent Chris Guidera says of his previous parenting, “I thought I had all the answers, and I learned that I needed to listen more. The family I grew up in - somebody was always talking; nobody listened.” Chris thought he was doing it differently than how he was raised, but learned he wasn’t. He made changes in his parenting through The Biggest Job Parenting Program and ultimately changed the level of trust between his daughter and himself.
“Before we went to Hyde, I was parenting from a very angry place.” Ali de Groot, Hyde Alumni Parent says. Ali embraced the parenting program, once she realized what was being asked of her, and says that her parenting changed drastically. “We didn’t have to keep saying things like, do your homework, do your homework." In this podcast, Ali shares how The Biggest Job Parent program changed her, her parenting, and all her relationships.
Eric Karlan believes that sharing one’s authenticity and passion is the most important part of getting the right topic for their college essay. “What is an admissions officer?” he asks; “A person; and people accept other people.” Eric Karlan is co-owner of an organization called Ivy Experience, which helps students prepare for the ACT and SAT, write college essays and complete college applications. However, don’t let the name of his company fool you, he helps students and families interested
A tumultuous divorce and custody battle led Dr. Bruce Berger to seek a school that would give his son structure, stability and an academic education that was character-based. He previously had parented from a rule-based approach; what he learned through The Biggest Job Family Program was that he was parenting from his own anxiety about his situation, not from his principles. Bruce’s circumstance might be different, but his parenting challenges can be seen in many of our own stories.
“Hacking college isn’t meant to show you all of the ingredients involved with college success,” Kyle Winey says. “It’s to help identify the few elements that rocket you toward success faster and with less effort.” He recommends 1)Achieving Self-Awareness by finding your passion, your strengths, your purpose and figuring out what lifestyle you want, and 2) Maximizing Your Marketability through non-negotiable skills such as networking and character.
Dennis and Claire Cavalli went through The Biggest Job Parent program almost ten years ago at Hyde School, but they are still using what they learned. “I was just going through the motions of living my life,” says Claire; “I was doing what I thought I should do, or what the books said.” In this is podcast, you’ll find out how the parent program helped them change as individuals and as a couple; how this change helped their son; and how people in their community are now coming to them, seeking help
In the first of our series on parenting wisdom from Hyde Alumni Parents, Laura Main says: “I was willing to do whatever I was asked to help my son, including if it was hanging upside down from the rooftop by rope from my ankles.” I think most parents feel this way. The family is doing great, is, in fact, a great family, and suddenly things aren’t going so well. Laura and Doug share what their parenting was like before sending their son to Hyde, how their parenting changed, and what it’s like now.
Having the chance to live for a period of time in Holland, Bonnie Rough and her young family experienced firsthand the way the Dutch have learned to teach their children about sex, sexuality and gender equality. Her latest book, "Beyond Birds and Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality," and our conversation in this podcast, are filled with humor, humility, and heart.
We all want life success for our teens, right? Well, have you ever thought about having a coach for your teen? To help them deal with anxiety, fear of loss, and fear of rejection? This podcast with Natalie Borrell, a school psychologist, and Alison Grant, a teacher with a license in counseling, of Life Success for Teens, gives us insight into teenage anxiety and some great tips for dealing with it. They can also be found on Facebook at Parents Raising Successful Teens – a free community group.
Richard Preece works for a global investment management company. After graduating from The Biggest Job Parenting program at Hyde School, he took the Ten Priorities into his work place, teaching and modeling them in this country and abroad. “There’s not really any difference between what challenges people at home and what challenges them at work; so the 10 Priorities work wherever you are and whatever you’re doing,” he says. He is the author of "Live Big: Creating the Life You Never Dared to Dream."
If the title of her book startles you, the information and descriptions in Lisa Wade's book may shock you. But tune in to this podcast so you can find out the truth about how pervasive hook-up culture on college campuses is today, its pervasiveness and effects on students. “Seeing what’s happening on campus as a culture – recognizing that it’s not the hookup itself, but hookup culture that is the problem – is the first step to changing it,” she writes.
Claire Grant, who is Executive Director of The Biggest Job Family Program at Hyde School, talks candidly about perfectionism in her own life as a teenager; how it happened, and her struggle to be satisfied with her own effort. She gives tips to parents who might be expecting perfection, and who are parenting out of guilt because they feel they should be more or because they’ve let their kid down in some way.
In a world where parents are getting a lot of blame, here’s a different answer for why kids are so anxious about everything. Enter Lenore Skenazy, founder of LET GROW (letgrow.org) and author of Free Range Kids. “NO!” she says, “It’s not the parents; it’s this culture that has written everything that kids do, see, eat, hear, read, encounter as something that will be difficult and possibly dangerous…” This is an informative and high-energy conversation with the woman who started the free rang
"The Only Life I Could Save" is Katherine Ketcham’s seventeenth book. For years she worked with kids in a Juvenile Detention Center, but when addiction lands in her own family, nothing she learned from the kids in “juvie” seemed to help. "Addiction takes over everything…," she says, "it’s this brain disease that affects individuals & changes their whole view of life & their whole view of relationships.” She talks with us about her raw and moving memoir of heartbreak, healing and profound transfo
In Ryan Craig's book "A New U, Faster + Cheaper Alternatives to College," he explains why he feels colleges are not educating kids for today’s jobs; what’s wrong with career services departments at universities; and what the alternatives to college are - alternatives that are faster, cheaper and put kids on a track to avoid layers of debt from a college diploma. “Faster + cheaper alternatives aren’t pathways to vocational or blue collar jobs, but rather to digital new collar careers,” he writes.
Do your kids say things like this…? “We asked ourselves, how are we as a family going to flourish?” –Evan Davis; “I could choose to be curious about my role in the family, or I could just avoid the truth [about it].” –Brett Van Vort; “My family is so much more open with each other now; there’s not really anything that we can’t talk about.” -Jenny Balter. There’s much more on this podcast from these 3 students, now in college, on what they learned in the various pieces of the Hyde Inn
Today we talk with Laura Gauld, Head of School and President of the Hyde School Organization, about Hyde’s Inner Leadership Program, where the journey of your unique potential begins. This is the promise to all students who graduate from the school. The five deliverables within this promise are 1) Self awareness: what are my strengths/obstacles? What is my vision?, 2) Public speaking confidence, 3) Taking on challenges outside one’s comfort zone, 4) Meaningful relationships, and 5) Family context.
“When it comes to being a step parent, there isn’t one right way, because every family dynamic is different. You’re marrying the package: you’re marrying ex-spouses; you’re marrying the kids…; the right way is your way for you.” This quote is just a small piece of the wonderful wisdom you’ll hear on step-parenting in this podcast with Lisa Walker. As a step parent, Lisa learned that standing up for her own values was the thing that would most help her step son.
"Clear limits and boundaries aren’t just nice or good for children and teens; they’re bedrock.” In part two of our series with Debbie Roffman, referred to by her colleagues as the most articulate professional voice in the US on the need for broad-based human sexuality education, she teaches us the importance of the five-piece suit of parenting, Affirmation, Information, Clarity about Values, Limits and Boundaries, and Guidance.
Named as one of Time Magazine’s 16 Top Parenting Experts for the 21st Century in 2016, Deborah Roffman is a sexuality educator, consultant, and author of "Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person about Sex." In the first of a two-part series, Debbie explains why it’s so important for our kids to hear information about sexuality from a trusted adult first, and where they go when the information isn’t from that person.
“Integrity is a way you live your life, a way you make decisions every day, and how you treat others… it’s the little things you do that get seen as the bigger things.” There was an “elephant” in the living room of Geri Goldstein's family; after years of enabling others in the family, Geri found within herself what it took to speak the truth about it. This story has an uplifting and positive ending, thanks to Geri’s integrity and courage, and the entire family’s ability to ask others for he
“Trust your child to know their gender, even if it doesn’t conform to the gender they were assigned at birth and may not make sense to you. Gender is not about what genitals a person has, but who they know themselves to be in their heart,” says Amy Lang, author of "Birds and Bees and YOUR Kids," & "Dating Smarts: What EVERY teen needs to know to date, relate or wait!" She gives terrific advice to parents on this subject; you’ll want to hear what she has to say in this podcast.
If you have not had “the talk” - and Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and credentialed health educator Kristi Hugstad doesn’t mean the sex talk, she means suicide - with your teen, it's time. After her husband completed suicide, Kristi bought every book on grief she found; because of her experience and her new understanding of what she wished she had known, Kristi wrote R U Ok?. Her presentation of the causes for the depression which can then lead to suicide are straightforward and thought provokin
Today we talk with Kirrilie Smout, clinical psychologist and founder of Developing Minds: Helping kids & teens learn life skills & manage tough times, located near Adelaide, Australia. Kirrilie says to reduce the chance of teens hurting themselves, we should do everything we can to help teens be connected with a peer group, (and she gives suggestions on how to do this,) & we need to help teens learn strategies to cope when they are feeling agitated, stressed, hopeless and overwhelmed.
Are you worried about an eating disorder in your child? Then you’ll definitely want to listen to this podcast with Dana Suchow, national speaker and activist on eating disorders. Dana has personally overcome bulimia, binge eating, and exercise compulsion and has a firsthand understanding of how eating disorders can get started and what parents can do. Dana has been seen on Good Morning America and ABC News; she’s been interviewed by Vogue, Marie Claire, and numerous other publications.
We speak with pediatrician Dr. Suanne Kowal-Connelly, author of this ultimate guide to puberty published by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Suanne, as her patients call her, covers the nuts & bolts of what happens to children’s bodies as they go through the 5 stages of puberty; issues of self-esteem & body image; concerns that parents have about the timing of puberty; the developing brain; the relationship with a pediatrician; guidance for parents of teens with special needs, and more.
A former teacher, Shannon Evans of The Scholar Coach turned to helping families find the right college because as a teacher, she found that kids were not often coming up with the right fit for themselves when it came to going to college. She uses a family questionnaire in which parents have to answer questions about their kids: their preferences, their values, their likes and dislikes. She says, “There are often big surprises when the family reconvenes and shares their answers with each other.”
As a parent, have you ever felt like you were drowning? It can be a lonely feeling when your child or your family is going off-track. Where do you turn? What do you do? Ed and Linda Murphy found help at the Hyde School in Bath, Maine. And through The Biggest Job Family Program they learned how to parent from their principles, letting go of parenting from fear, guilt or control.
Are you worried about the effect of social media on your kids? If so, this podcast may put your mind at ease, at least about some aspects of all that kids are exposed to in the media and on devices. Caroline Knorr, senior parenting editor for Common Sense Media, shares with us her wisdom about what parents should watch for and the questions they need to ask their kids about what’s going on with them when they’re on their devices.
Do you consider yourself an honest family, but you don’t talk about the elephant in the room? Many families are like this; they avoid talking about the really tough stuff; and then kids quickly learn what it’s okay to talk about and what is off limits. Sheri & Alan Brooks sent three kids to Hyde, and went through the family program three times. The third time they did a family retreat and finally got to the deep issues, got honest about them, and began to inspire their children in a totally new way.
“Providing information about sex is not the same as giving permission.” ~ Amy Lang has written two great books on how to talk to your kids about sex. "Birds + Bees + Your Kids" teaches parents the importance of clarifying their own values and beliefs about sexuality, love, and relationships, thus forming the solid foundation needed to have the sex talks. "Dating Smarts: What EVERY teen needs to know to date, relate or wait" is for parents to read and then to give to their teens to read.
"The greatest impact on children are the unlived lives of adults.” Carl Jung - In our last five parenting mantras, Laura Gauld, co-author of the book, The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have, mentions this quote. “We need the help of others to get to our own greatness as parents,” she says. The mantras in this podcast are about living the kind of life as a parent that will inspire our children; that will model character for them; and that will show our kids our spirit.
Do you see your teen in a way that is only one dimensional? Does your teen see you the same way? This is a question that Kristin Harman, Director of Admissions at the Hyde School, encourages parents to look at as they decide if they want to start parenting in the exceptional way that The Biggest Job Family Program teaches parents to do. After working at seven different schools in her career, Kristin came to the Hyde School. She finds that the interview process helps kids and parents listen differently to each other and this begins to establish a deeper trust in each other. In this podcast, Kristin also talks about how she views the influence of social media; the increase of anxiety in teens; and answers the question, “Is depression sometimes a mask for anxiety?”
This is a great way to help ourselves, as parents, keep our kids from manipulating us says author, Laura Gauld.
The mantras in today’s podcast are:
91. View each day as an opportunity for growth
92. Do the unexpected (and keep your child off guard.)
93. Let go of perfection.
94. Take hold of excellence
95. Be a good friend and make new friends.
When big parenting issues come up, do you ever think “…if only he/she would just do it my way? Then we could solve this and move on!” As you well know, it doesn’t usually happen this way. “Kids highlight the real challenge in the family: the one between the parenting partners,” writes Vicki in this wonderful hands-on book. So how do we meld ideas on parenting in order to co-parent? This book (and this podcast) will help get you started.
We learn in today’s podcast with speaker and author, Laura Gauld, that the word “accept” is an important part of parenting. Laura talks about accepting what our own parents gave us, taking a look at how we listen, and actually reaching out and seeking honesty about how others see us.
Are you trying to be “the perfect mom?” Think you’re “not very good at being a mother…?” Today I talk with Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, author of "Mommy Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in the Process." Burnout has its symptoms and it has its remedies, and Dr. Ziegler is an expert in both. In our podcast, she talks about how burnout can affect so many parts of a woman’s life: friendships, partnerships, work, and of course, our kids.
“We will be parents until we breathe our last breath.” - Laura Gauld
This parenting fundamental and the mantras that explain it teach us the importance of continuing to grow and change as parents. We are never too old to look at our own attitudes and change the ones that might be holding us back; or to take risks in our lives.
“Our conscience is the compass of our destiny.” - Laura Gauld
So how do we teach conscience to our kids? Advice on that, and the last five mantras of Parenting Fundamental # 4 are discussed in today’s podcast with Laura.
76. Let your conscience be your guide.
77. See the small moments of inspiration.
78. The darkest times bring about the deepest lessons.
79. Do not compare yourself or your child to others.
80. Trust in a higher power.
We talk about grit in the Biggest Job Workshops, and in part 2 of our conversation with Rebecca Mannis, a learning specialist who founded Ivy-Prep, we learn that grit is something that can be intentionally taught to kids. “There are ways in which we can step back & understand what our responses are and appreciate our experience”, she says. “Encourage your kids to appreciate why it is they may be feeling a certain way; encourage them to try something even if it brings up discomfort.”
In this interview, Dr. Rebecca Mannis of Ivy Prep Learning Center talks about how students come to understand how they learn best and how to work effectively on their own at home and at school. This is called “metacognitive awareness – awareness of one’s own thought process.” She explains her field and puts everything into terms any parent can understand. There are specific ways parents and teachers can help kids become their own best guides. And it’s all closely related to unique potential!
“Parenting is messy,” says Laura Gauld. When I think about this, it’s really true! Parenting is messy. Just accepting this might make the job a little easier, don’t you think? We might not get so caught up in how we look as a parent or how we’re doing at the job. It’s also important to remember that humor and humility are two very important traits in parenting.
This is an intriguing question that Neha Gupta, founder of Elite Private Tutors and College Shortcuts answers on her blog at www.eliteprivatetutors.com. Neha’s enthusiasm for what she does shines through in what she shares with us about how to motivate students, how to give them confidence, and her warning about how the common app might make every applicant common. “What is that thing that makes you, you?” she asks students?
I know you’ve heard this said before, or in different ways, but hang on to this mantra, as it’s so important. Hang on, too, to the vision you have for your child. Sometimes they may say they don’t have a vision for themselves, or they don’t care, but they do; “every child wants to be somebody.” Today’s mantras are important (aren’t they all?) – but they can escape our memories and our practice of parenting when we get caught up in so much “every day stuff.”
Parenting Fundamental 4: Have faith in your child’s unique potential and the larger forces at work. This 4th fundamental is a wonderful tool to help us as parents let go when things go off track – getting out of the way so our kids can experience some short-term struggles for long-term gain, including learning something about themselves and acquiring some grit and some courage.
Did you know that a college application only gets minutes in front of admissions officers? How do you construct an application that stands out in this sea of competition? Today we are speaking with Amber Jin, the founder of Get Into Ivy, about the college application process - from the number one mistake students make, to must-have elements that will help them make an impression on admissions officers.
Do you remember the power of a “look” from your parents when you were growing up? That’s the first mantra discussed on this podcast with Laura Gauld, as we wrap up parenting fundamental #3 on building family traditions. How did we know what our parents meant when they gave us the “look”, and how can we get back to that in parenting today?
"Focus on family spirit and not family image." What an important and thought-provoking mantra, especially in a world where image seems to be everything. But how do we do this? “It’s not easy,” says Laura Gauld; “and it’s usually a struggle or challenge in the family that gets us to the point of understanding that each family does have a family spirit, and that family spirit is more important than our family image.” Laura covers Parenting Mantras 51-55 in this episode.
“If you want to go fast in your life, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” - African Proverb "Life is not just about taking care of ourselves.” - Laura Gauld Both of the above quotes are covered in this podcast, as well as many other meaningful tips from mantras 46 – 50 under Parenting Fundamental # 3: Build Family Traditions.
“When parents change the way they interact with their sons and daughters, they pave the way for transformation.” Bobbi DePorter is the founder of Super Camp, a camp for kids that’s been around for 35 years and is now in 19 different countries. While Super Camp is for kids, The Seven Biggest Teen Problems and How to Turn Them into Strengths is a book written for parents to help them see what changes they need to make to effect changes in their children.
"The big picture of raising children is done with the actions, routines and practices that make up lifetime memories, habits and character," says Laura Gauld, author and head of Hyde School. "It is never too late to start a family tradition and often the value of these actions is seen looking back at one’s upbringing." In this podcast, she covers the first 5 mantras for Parenting Fundamental #3 - Build Family Traditions (#41-45).
One of the mantras Laura Gauld discusses with us in today’s podcast is “don’t lie, don’t quit.” This is a great lesson for kids and adults and a very simple thing to remember. If I’m off track in my life, I won’t lie about it and I won’t give up. I can imagine our kids remembering this mantra when they are adults if they hear it often enough from us, and probably repeating it to their kids.
"Why do we have kids wanting to shoot up a school?" This is the question Joe Gauld, founder of Hyde School in Bath, Maine, asks at the beginning of this podcast. Thus starts his explanation of looking at a deeper lesson in the Florida School shooting, rather than just a band aid solution to our national crises of school shootings. “Develop a safe place or sanctuary,” Joe proposes, “that will allow students to trust that teachers see the best in them and want the best for them."
Are you worried about a teen who says they are depressed? Do you see anxiety in your teen? Do you find vagueness a part of yours or your teen’s communication? In part two of our podcast series with Hilary Jacobs Hendel, we learn about what to do if a teen says they are depressed or if they exhibit anxiety.
Can you laugh at yourself during some tough parenting moments? Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? It is possible, says Laura Gauld in our 7th podcast interview in which she shares with us more wisdom from Parenting Fundamental #2: Raise children to be accountable to life. Laura also shares with us the necessity of teaching our children to delay gratification, and the importance of teaching them how to work.
Dawn Menken, author, teacher, and workshop leader, talks in depth about the issue of bullying. She discusses the four roles of any bullying situation and says each can be alive in all of us at any given time. She gives tips for parents on how to help children understand what’s at the root of bullying; what parents need to look at in themselves that might be promoting bullying attitudes in their children; and the responsibility parents have in helping to prevent and deal with bullying.
Hilary has written a book called “It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self.” While the title might lead you to think this book is about therapy or psychoanalysis, there is a lot in it to help parents understand where our emotions come from and how we can respond differently to our kids when they are upset; we can also teach them how to deal with their emotions, rather than throwing up defenses to avoid t
Tricia Uber, Director of College Counseling at Hyde School, advises parents on how much to be involved in the college application process, and where to leave things up to the student. "Students need to have a team for the application and decision process," she says, "but the final decision should be up to the student." Listen to this podcast and get more advice and wisdom about the entire college application process from Tricia, some of which may surprise you!
This sounds like a parenting conundrum, doesn’t it? So many parenting moments are moments of doubting what the outcome will be, and often doubting ourselves. That’s when we need to go back to our principles, and assure ourselves that even a bad outcome will move us into a new place of learning – about ourselves, as well as our children. This podcast is filled with gems of parenting wisdom from author and head of Hyde School, Laura Gauld.
Are you worried about a child using substances? Would you like to know how to speak with your teen about substance use? In this podcast we hear from Geno Ring, Certified Alcohol and Drug counselor, as he shares his 34 years of experience as a substance abuse counselor with us. Geno is not only knowledgeable about the dangers of substance abuse in teenagers, he also has great advice for parents.
Just the title of this parenting fundamental tells us that parenting is a big job! If we want to help our children grow into responsible adults, with a moral compass and a conscience that guides them, we need to keep in mind that our goal, even when they are teens, is to help them thrive and become independent.
As Laura says in this podcast, “The world is not their mother.”
Do you want your children to grow up trusting their instincts? Of course you do! You want them to take responsible risks, trust themselves, have grit, and be respectful – of themselves as well as to others. This podcast, covering the last five mantras or lessons of Parenting Fundamental # 1: Understand Your Job as Parents, will give you clues on how to teach and model that, as well as many other tips on making parenting just that much easier and fun.
In this podcast, Laura Gauld and I look at parenting lessons that will teach us about the different moments we experience in parenting; there are many easy ones, but then there are some that are “calculus moments.” (Tune in to see what these are!) Be prepared for these calculus moments by listening to the third group of lessons or mantras of Parenting Fundamental # 1: Understand your job as parents.
"If we are awake, children will show us the kind of parenting they need," says Dawn Menken, author of Raising Parents, Raising Kids: Hands-on Wisdom for the Next Generation.
What would that look like? Wouldn’t that be letting the kids be in charge? Not at all says Dawn; it would mean listening differently to our kids and realizing that it’s our job to help them discover their uniqueness, and if we follow their process, the job of parenting becomes one that teaches us more about ourselves along the w
"Sometimes parenting is two steps forward and one step back," says author Elizabeth Berger in her book, Raising Kids with Character: Developing Trust and Personal Integrity in Children, "But don’t let that discourage you. Your job as a parent is to control the situation, not the child." Dr. Berger, a board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist with 30 years’ experience treating children & families, shares with us the importance of the parent being intensely real.
Did you like the first 5 lessons that taught us more about Parenting Fundamental #1? If so, you’ll also like this quick session with Laura Gauld on the second five lessons for this fundamental. Tune in, and discover the courage to stop your own dance of deception and embrace your job as parent. As we say with parenting, it's hard, it's doable, and it's never too late.
Tune in and find out from Hyde School's Mary Moore the difference she saw in her family relationships when her family started having family meetings. She'll share how you can do family meetings in your home. With commitment and letting go of outcomes, you, too, might establish a deeper level of trust between you and your kids.
Pam Hardy interviews Jamy Bechler about his latest book that teaches anyone who wants to be a leader on a team, or in life, the importance of having core principles and living by them; the importance of leading yourself, and how to do it; how to lead regardless of your role on a team.
Take your parenting to the next level! Laura Gauld's "Parenting Fundamentals" serve as your map and compass in this often-uncharted territory. In this podcast, she lays out the first 5 of 100 mini-yet-mighty lessons.
As most parents know, letting go of our children is very hard; we don’t want to see them fail and we often don’t want them to be unhappy. But how do our kids feel when we can’t let go? This podcast is with a mom, Sally Ross, and her daughter, Bryn Nolan, who graduated from Hyde, and who have a mature, open, and honest relationship with each other. The daughter talks about how grateful she is that she’s learned to be independent, and the mother shares with us the importance of not being afraid to let your child struggle. They both offer parents some valuable advice on raising responsible kids. Resources: The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have (Scribner, 2002) by Laura and Malcolm Gauld Hyde School www.hyde.edu
Imagine a school where every student cared – really cared and was concerned – about the best in their fellow students? Where the discipline and structure of the school was the responsibility of the students, and not just the teachers? This concept, originally called Brother’s Keeper and now being called Each Other’s Keeper, is one of the most important concepts of Hyde’s basic tenets: Be the best possible you. We can’t be the best on our own; we need the help and concern of those around us to achieve our best. Malcolm Gauld, president of Hyde Schools, explains it best. Links: Malcolm's Blog: Teen Stumbling Block: Brother's Keeper Malcolm's Blog: Brother's Keeper Meets Hyde Basel Malcolm's Blog: Brother's Keeper Reprise - 7 Parts Malcolm's Blog: BK Primer #6 Malcolm's Blog: Student Obstacles #1 & #2 Malcolm's Blog: BK: Now More than Ever
Do you ever worry that your child is off track in his or her character? That you’re not getting honest answers to your questions; that they don’t seem passionate about things in their life, or they aren’t really going after something? Character isn’t missing in kids; it’s there, and just needs to be uncovered. So says veteran teacher, John Rigney of Hyde School. In this podcast, John describes how, through classes such as he teaches, kids can better understand themselves and be better prepared for college and the world as they leave high school. Find John on Twitter: @jdrigney https://twitter.com/jdrigney
Do you think you know what’s going on with your teen? Louise Kreiner, an educational consultant for over 30 years, thinks most parents don’t know what’s going on with their teens. “Teens are very private,” she says. “They share with their friends but they don’t share with their parents.” She thinks parents should have access to their teen’s room and also to their computer and devices; she feels too many parents today walk on eggshells around their kids. “Be the parent, not their friend,” she says. Louise is a big fan of Hyde and she talks candidly about the type of family that she feels is a good fit for the school. Contact Louise: Louise Kreiner, MA, CEP New England Educational Advisory Service P.O. Box 949 Amesbury, MA 01913 Phone: (978) 388-1578 Cell: (978) 375-0781 Fax: (978) 388-1873 email: LK@newenglandeducationadvisors.com New York Phone: (978) 388-1578 Florida Phone: (978) 388-1578
How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) Want the answers to this statement? Then read Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy; and, listen to this podcast. (Well, the answers are in the book; the podcast is about what has influenced our fear of letting go…) Lenore is the woman who let her nine-year-old ride the New York City subway by himself. And started a whole new movement about what it means to keep kids safe. She says, (and I’m paraphrasing)… “I don’t blame helicopter parents; it’s not their fault. We’ve been programmed to believe that the world is a very scary place, and unless we have a GPS on our kids at all times, we’re not being good parents.” She rebuffs this idea with facts based on research and conversations that will help parents realize when and where they might be overprotecting their children and preventing their competence and confidence. You get an immediate sense of Lenore’s delightful humor from the website www.freerangekids.com: “fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps, kidnapping, germs, grades, flashers, frustration, failure, baby snatchers, bugs, bullies, men, sleepovers and / or the perils of a non-organic grape.” Hope you enjoy!
Wouldn’t it be great to have a map and a compass for our parenting? A “true north” answer for every situation that challenged our parenting decisions and wisdom? In our second interview with Laura Gauld from Hyde School, we are introduced to 5 Fundamentals of Parenting that might be that kind of guide. While not actually being answers, these 5 Fundamentals give us a grounded place from which to look at each parenting challenge, and a kind of compass to keep heading in the right direction. Understand our job as parents. Raise children to be accountable to life. Build family traditions. Have faith in your child’s unique potential and the larger forces at work. Your growth will be your true legacy to your child. You can reach Laura Gauld through the BiggestJob.com website and Hyde.edu.
No one knows this more than parenting coach Rhonda Moskowitz of Columbus, Ohio. She says, “We have to remember that it’s about us, the parents; if it were about the kids, it would be called kidding.” In this podcast interview, Rhonda tells us the four things about which parents most often seek her advice: Drugs Alcohol Technology Kids’ friends In an upbeat, insightful way, Rhonda shares the importance of remaining calm when faced with a parenting fear, that going into high panic mode is not helpful, despite how fearful the issue might be, and the importance of building a relationship with your child. You can find Rhonda Moskowitz at www.practicalsolutionsparentcoaching.com or by phone at 614-459-8628.
Jason Warnick has spent 15 years interviewing kids and families interested in Hyde School. He has seen teens as they begin their freshman, sophomore, or junior year, and he has watched them as they have come to gain confidence in who they are and where they are going in their lives. He’s observed three – what he calls “surprising” – traits that these kids possess: Compassion – in the age of social media and digital everything, this trait can get lost… Honesty –including the importance of self-honesty and the ability to hear what others say about us… Humor – being able to laugh at oneself and not take ourselves too seriously. And where do kids learn these traits? You guessed it – from their parents. How are you doing in these three areas?
Most parents think their teens know everything about technology, and in fact are ahead of us, the parents. But Donna Dubinsky, head of technology at Hyde School, shares some fascinating information about what teens don’t know in this area. What does a private account on face book really mean? Does it mean complete privacy? Will college admissions offices be able to see postings that teens thought were private? If they post on snap chat and then delete, does it really go away? What is trolling? Why don’t teens see sexting as an intimate conversation? Donna learned from the teens she teaches that they feel the adults in their lives are not setting the best example in digital citizenship. Listen to this podcast and learn what you need to know to advise your teen, and to be the best you can be as a digital citizen. Recommended Book: It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by Dana Boyd Learn more about Hyde School's Parenting, The Biggest Job at www.biggestjob.com.
Do you ever wonder if you'll ever be as savvy on those devices as your kids? And what about the amount of time they spend "plugged in?" Do you worry about a proper balance in their lives? Diana Graber and Cynthia Liebermann, who run an organization called Cyber Wise: No Grownup Left Behind, met in graduate school in a program called Media Psychology and Social Change. They decided to take what they had learned on digital literacy and how kids learn in this changing world, and make it available to the people who need it most: parents and teachers. If you worry about the ethical decisions behind what your kids do when they're on-line, join this podcast for some great advice. www.cyberwise.org Learn more about Hyde School's Parenting, The Biggest Job at www.biggestjob.com.
If you've noticed a theme in some of our podcasts about letting go, that’s probably because most parents struggle with it – a lot! In this podcast, former and current parents - one son has graduated and a second son is going into his senior year - Ben and Bonita Davis, share candidly about how the tension in their family had drifted from the vision they had for family members and themselves, how they found Hyde, and how it helped them in their parenting. They found that the parent program deepened their trust in their kids and strengthened the love and trust that they had for each other. Learn more about Hyde School's Parenting, The Biggest Job at www.biggestjob.com.
“Every parent has a dream for their child; what is your dream?” This is the question educational consultant, Barbara Leventhal, asks parents the first time she meets with them. “The most universal answer,” she says, “is, ‘I just want my child to be happy.’” “It’s usually in middle school when parents come to me, realizing that their child is turned off. Once this happens, there are often a myriad of problems that can start to happen, from eating disorders and cutting, to unsafe friends and distractions while driving. And I believe that most of these things happen when kids are disengaged in learning.” As a former classroom teacher and then school administrator, Barbara now works with middle and high school students, teaching them study skills and time management, what is often referred to as executive function. In this podcast, Barbara gives parents the answer to what their child needs to be happy. Links: www.educonsulting.info Barbara’s Blog
School is for kids but Hyde is for families. Holly White, former Hyde parent, has a blended family that all benefited from Hyde School, although only her youngest child attended the school. She talks candidly about getting past the disappointment of not having your child at home with you for high school, the financial burden of the tuition, and especially the resistance of the teen to leave home and go away to school. She uses the term “deterioration of the fabric of our family,” a term that typifies many families today. At Hyde, Holly learned that she was the peacemaker in the family, and how that role held the family back from creating a vision by which to live. She now lives with the weight of her foot in Truth over Harmony.
“What would it be like if parenting was fun and exciting and life with your kids was full of peace, harmony, cooperation, and respect?” This is a question early in Vicki Hoefle’s book, Duct Tape Parenting. Consistent with the Biggest Job philosophy, Vicki teaches parents that the true job of parenting is what our kids will be like from the ages of 18 – 80. She stresses that moms have got to get out of the job of being the maid in the house; that when we do for our kids what they can do for themselves, we send the message to them that it’s not okay for them to make mistakes. “Look at how you might be feeding the weeds of bad behavior and attitudes,” she writes, “by noticing your responses to your children.” If you’d like a blueprint, complete with road map and directions, on how to raise respectful, responsible, and resilient kids – here it is! Links: www.vickihoefle.com
Paul Tough’s book, his third, is great! Although focused on disadvantaged populations of kids and families, there are many ideas, interventions, and strategies that apply to all populations. These include: the idea (and proof) that external rewards for kids don’t work – as proven by research that Paul presents; the need for more student autonomy in the classroom, which promotes confidence and motivation; and the evidence that students respond positively and persevere more when there are changes in the context of the classroom and the home. Focusing on children who grow up in chaotic and stressful environments, Paul talks about the influence that adverse childhood experiences have on both kids and those who are parenting or teaching them. He relates stories about proven interventions that he has observed, sharing the outcome of long-term studies. He shares with us his hope for change in education, and why he thinks it takes so long for change to occur. You’ll hear a lot from the book in this interview with Paul, but you’ll still want to read this little, 114 page powerfully-packed book! For more about Paul Tough, visit his website at www.paultough.com/helping.