For more tips and inspiration, go to my website majo.co and follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine
This is the first minisode in a four part series on boundaries. Make sure to listen to the entire series, so that you can have those healthy boundaries that allow you to thrive as a modern woman, when there are so many demands on your time and energy. By the end of the series, you’re honestly going to feel like you have so many more tools in your toolbelt to conserve your energy, so that you can channel it towards your creativity and calling on this planet. Because we ain’t got time, to be diddle daddling, OK? We need you to have those boundaries, so that you can function and be a badass.
In this minisode on boundaries, I’m going to give you a simple template for saying no. SO SIMPLE you’re going to be like OMG, why did this take so long?
LMK ask you this one question – How do you feel when you say yes to something, but you really mean no? Take a few seconds to think about it. What feelings come up when you agree to something you don’t really want to do, or care to do?
When I ask most women this, they admit they feel resentful, bitter, annoyed, at the other person and themselves.
It’s a radical concept but when you say YES when you mean NO so that you can please someone or not make them upset or because it’s easier, YOU LOSE TRUST IN YOURSELF. You essentially abandon yourself. That’s a big problem.
The solution to this is to communicate what you want, to communicate your focus, and communicate your priority.
Let’s take a really sticky situation. One of my clients wanted to quit her job forever, but was stalling because she didn’t want to set this boundary – to say no more to this soul-crushing job that was sucking the life out of her. She was scared of her boss’ disappointment, of her parent’s backlash etc. You know the drill. When we drilled down, it became obvious that she was nervous about not finding the right words, or screwing up in the moment, so we wrote out a script that she could practice and role play with her friends and roommates. That made it way easier. Based on the “sandwich” technique, she started and ended on a positive note, and shared her desire for the future as the filling of the sandwich. It looked like this:
Positive: I’m grateful that I spent the last two years at this company as I learned so much.
Desire: It’s time that I focus on transitioning into design that focuses on social impact and international development.
Positive: Again, I want to reiterate that I’ve grown enormously through your guidance and appreciated all the autonomy you’ve given me throughout the years.
Notice how she didn’t say NO to the job, but say YES to her focus...to the direction she wanted to move in.
You can do this for anything – if someone asks you for your time, energy, or money, instead of saying NO, telling them what you’re saying YES to. I can’t go to Jamaica this year, because I’m focusing on launching my Etsy store. I can’t speak at your event on pickles, because I’m focused on almond milk this year. I can’t donate $100 to your campaign, because I’m donating my funds this year to animal right’s issues.
So clear. Let people know what you care about, and they’ll understand you’re saying no to them, and they’ll respect you for it. They’ll be like dang, this woman knows what she wants. And if they’re pissed and you experience backlash, then fuck em’. That ain’t your problem. Your commitment is to yourself.
Go get it, heroine.
That’s it, if you care about living an empowered life as a woman on this planet, go follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine more juiciness – and go to my website majo.co and get on my email list for more updates about my work and this podcast. You got options. Make sure to be in touch.