Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps. (00:00:00) - Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel (00:08:20) - Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant (00:13:19) - What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship?  (00:15:38) - What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency (00:23:33) - One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child (00:28:19) - Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment  (00:33:37) - More on what this looks like in a relationship: control, distrust,  (00:35:57) - Wanting closeness but fearing closeness, difficulty regulating emotions, and negativity (00:38:24) - On being disappointed by others, protection from rejection, and concentration  (00:40:02) - The big one: inability to self-soothe (00:41:40) - So what do we do? Two BIG steps (00:45:24) - On how to self-regulate/self-soothe, and starting with the breath (00:50:20) - Find someone to help you work with your hypervigilance (00:53:07) - Develop consistent connection with your partner (or with friends). Here’s how (00:56:53) - Build trust. Slowly. Over time (00:59:46) - Set boundaries with the fear-based thoughts in your head *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: purpose, initiation, adversity, grief, culture It isn't always easy to find a sense of purpose or meaning in life, never mind feeling initiated into maturity. In these chaotic times, it gets even harder. This is a special compilation episode featuring four masters of finding humanity, clarity, and meaning in life. Their combined efforts have helped legions of people get a better handle on life and all of its twists and turns. Two of them are people I revere as elders, and three work with men and purpose on a regular basis. Featuring ideas from... -Lion tracker, coach, and storyteller Boyd Varty: https://boydvarty.com/ -Depth psychologist Francis Weller: https://www.francisweller.net/ -Culture activist Stephen Jenkinson (unreleased material!): https://orphanwisdom.com/ -Writer, teacher, and coach Rainier Wylde: https://www.rainierwylde.com/ -Purpose guide Tim Corcoran: https://www.purposemountain.com/ (00:00:00) - Boyd Varty on the role initiation plays in a man’s life—and what happens without it (00:16:20) - Francis Weller on why we need to (but can’t seem to) handle the unknown, failure, and grief (00:25:45) - Why the soul needs failure to find meaning, and how Francis runs grief workshops (00:30:35) - Given our current times, what does it mean to be a “generative ancestor”? (00:33:05) - Stephen Jenkinson on what defines and gives meaning to your humanity (00:39:47) - Rainier Wylde on how to find a sense of purpose in chaotic times (00:55:27) - Tim Corcoran on how to practically define purpose, and what’s often in the way (01:05:29) - Where does the “soul” fit into all of this? *** Henson Shaving brought this episode to you! No more nicks, no more cuts—and no more subscriptions! Go to https://hensonshaving.com and enter MANTALKS at checkout to get 100 free blades with your purchase. (Note: you must add both the 100-blade pack and the razor for the discount to apply.) Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: psychology, mindset, self-talk This is one of THE things that blocks men from all kinds of growth and progress. An internal dialogue that is harsh, abusive, shaming, even cruel. Let's change that, shall we? If you or someone you know is constantly deprecating or talking negatively towards themselves, strongly encourage you to share this one. It's important. (00:00:00) - Intro, how prevalent a harsh inner critic is, and how nasty mine was (00:06:56)- Where does an inner critic come from, and how is it formed? (00:11:13) - Neglect and abandonment (00:15:52) - Trauma as an origin for a harsh inner critic (00:16:57) - “Dark motivation” and it’s useful but maladaptive power (00:23:15) - It damages your ability to appreciate or validate yourself (00:24:45) - What to do, what NOT to do, and questions you can use to find your inner critic’s origin (00:28:09) - Figure out what it wants (00:29:51) - Set some boundaries (00:31:34) - Repurpose the loyal soldier (00:34:31) - Build a relationship with this part of you *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: parenting, children, attachment, psychology You may have heard me mention Duey before. He co-facilitates the ManTalks Men's Weekends with me, and his work is absolutely incredible. I was thrilled to sit down with him last week, just before our sojourn to Texas. We dive into all things attachment. How children and adults experience it, when it starts forming, and how my own son has taught me some incredible lessons on it. Also, listen in for Thunderbutt. No, I'm not kidding. (00:00:00) - Intro and Duey’s take on why real elders don’t seek power (00:10:08) - How do we begin to truly understand our partner? (00:15:49) - On the importance of curiosity and not assuming you know someone—especially your partner (00:21:28) - What are the building blocks of really healthy attachment? (00:30:52) - Attachment is somatic, and how children are inherently, incredibly sensitive (00:45:27) - What “interrupts” attachment? Duey Freeman, MA, LPC is co-founder of the Gestalt Equine Institute of the Rockies, director of the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies, and owner of his psychotherapy private practice. After teaching for 24 years at Naropa University he has decided to move in a more creative direction. Most recently, in collaboration with Kimberly Beck M Ed, he has created: The Coming Home Project and Relational Rewilding Retreats. A licensed psychotherapist, teacher, and consultant, Duey has extensive training and experience in gestalt therapy, equine therapy, family therapy, bioenergetics, and counseling with children and adolescents. Duey joined Naropa in 1992 and has been extensively involved in the creation of the Gestalt, Human Development, and Family Systems programs. He has helped to develop the Equine section of the Wilderness Therapy certification and degree. He taught for the University of Northern Colorado, traveling across Colorado teaching and working with schools systems supporting teachers to better understand and work with the children they teach. Throughout the year, Duey partners with professional therapists and skilled horsemen and women worldwide to provide psychotherapy, Gestalt Equine Psychotherapy, parenting and human development workshops, and Relational Horsemanship classes. Some of Duey's partners include Joan Rieger, Duane Mullner, Erika Friess, Megan Powers, Rosemary Wyndham-Jones, Rob Pliskin, Kristi Moon, Kimberly Beck, and Amy and Steve LeSatz. *** This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month. This episode is also brought to you by Factor. Chef-prepared meals made easy, made healthy, and hey, no mess after! Check out factormeals.com/mantalks50 for 50% off your first box! Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: mindset, psychology, the shadow If you've been following the show for a while, you'll know I'm a big Jung fan. You also don't have dive too deep into his work to find game-changing ideas of his. Here are 3 short yet sublime ideas of Jung's that you can reflect on—and maybe even execute on—pretty much right away. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:46) - “Who looks inside, dreams. Who looks outside, awakens.” (00:06:00) - “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” (00:10:12) - “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: AI, porn, relationships, conflict Yowza. So grateful for Matthia's thoughtful and nuanced ideas on everything from artificial intelligence to therapy-speak to anger and approaching relationships. We go from the esoteric to the practical and back again, so listen in team. This is a great one to share with a partner. (00:00:00) - Intro, Matthia’s adventures with AI, and how it's already shifting culture (00:16:42) - When AI does things TOO well (00:20:32 ) - How AI will impact intimate relationships and the porn industry (00:30:37) - What do AI and AI porn mean for the next generation, and how they’ll be impacted (00:35:17) - How technology always has unintended consequences (00:43:05) - Why does everyone seem like a narcissist according to online commentary? (00:50:40) - On villain/powerlessness dynamics, and mature anger, and how trauma therapy is like a software update (00:58:20) - How couples can end cycling or repeat conflicts (01:05:55) - Mathia’s non-negotiables for lasting intimacy and deep relationship Matthias is a psychotherapist and the CEO and co-founder of the Trauma Institute with Dr. Frank Anderson, providing clinical training for psychotherapists and education for the general public on healing from trauma. He is widely recognized for his unique approach to making mental health knowledge and skills accessible to the wider public. Through platforms like Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and his top-ranking Spotify podcast, Matthias delivers psychoeducational content to a following of over 3 million people. Barker's innovative blend of engaging content and relevant mental health advice has fostered a vibrant online community centered on healing, personal growth, and moving toward what’s meaningful despite hardship. Connect with Matthias -Website: https://matthiasjbarker.com/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matthiasjbarker/ -YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCim71w-GtC46Vr48RbowBSw *** This episode is brought to you by Miracle Made. These are wildly good sheets, team. Silver-infused threads inspired by NASA, antibacterial, and thermoregulating. Head to TryMiracle.com/ManTalks to save 40% if you order today, PLUS another 20% (and 3 free towels) if you use the code MANTALKS. Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: mindset, emotions, habits, burnout Ever get the feeling you...don't feel anything? Yeah, me too. This is something that affects just about everyone at some point in their lives, and it contributes to overuse of all kinds of coping mechanisms. Here's what numbing out is, where it comes from, and a five-step method on how to get out of it. (00:00:00) - Intro and the biggest misconceptions around numbing out (00:05:26)- Don’t see numbness as a villain, and some numbness “caveats” (00:09:29) - What causes us to numb out? How is it a learned response? (00:14:55) - What we need to know before we stop numbing out (00:17:22) - The first step: what are you using to numb out? (00:18:36) - Create a plan, and why you shouldn’t expect cold turkey to go well (00:21:42) - If you have trauma, there’s a caveat (00:23:32) - Numbness is itself an experience (00:25:17) - Use your breath to reconnect to your body. Here’s why (00:31:03) - Look for sensation (00:33:45) - Final step: letting the sensations have a voice *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

Talking points: stoicism, mindset, philosophy, parenting Brian proves that Stoicism is anything but unenthusiastic. We cover so much ground here, and Brian's passion and joy for what he does is inspiring. If you're looking for clearcut ideas on how to craft a self and a life that you're proud of, this is the episode to listen to—and share with your friends! (00:00:00) - Intro and Brian’s defining moment (00:06:50) - What is areté? (00:09:02) - Why has there been a resurgence of stoicism? (00:14:42) - Brian on how to parent when things are floundering, and how stoicism tackles fear and laziness (00:21:24) - How does Brain raise his own son in an increasingly chaotic world? (00:28:47) - What are some challenges young boys face today that are unequivocally different than before? (00:39:11) - How does someone use Stoic principles to build more discipline with things turning to punishment? (00:45:56) - “So…do I just have to go through the suck then?” (00:51:54) - The science of hope (01:00:27) - What is “targeted thinking”? (01:03:40) - The practicals of antifragile confidence (01:12:05) - How do you develop your own protocols for building your own antifragile confidence? Brian Johnson is the Founder & CEO of Heroic Public Benefit Corporation. He’s 50% Philosopher + 50% CEO and 101% committed to helping create a world in which 51% of humanity is flourishing by the year 2051. As a Founder/CEO he’s raised $25M+, made crowdfunding history, and built and sold two social platforms. As a Philosopher/teacher, he’s helped millions of people from around the world, trained 10,000+ Heroic Coaches from 100+ countries and created a protocol that science says changes lives. He lives in the country outside Austin, Texas, with his wife, Alexandra, and their two kids, Emerson and Eleanor. Connect with Brian -Website: https://www.heroic.us/arete -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heroicbrian/ -YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRhEwzsFYLGcMa4m2AbTAoA -Heroic App, iOS: https://apple.co/4c7uUQk, Android: https://bit.ly/3VcaKi2 *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

Talking points: coaching, therapy, masculinity, mental health Eyebrow-raising title aside, I know from personal experience it can be wildly difficult for coaches and therapists who work with men to make actual progress. But! There are clearcut reasons for this, and there are clearcut things you can do. So if you're a coach or therapist who wants a better experience for both you AND the guy in your chair, listen in. If you're not one of those, then use this as a guide to help you find a coach that's right for you! (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:50)- Therapists tend to work with men the same way they’d word with women (00:04:00) - The major reasons coaches/therapists struggle to get results (00:09:42) - So how do you actually get results? And why rapport is so important (00:11:38) - Get him out of his head and into his body (00:16:05) - Develop the skills to truly be with his intensity (00:20:54) - Identify where he feels he lacks competency—and build a plan (00:22:50) - Learn to work with a man’s resistance, and repurpose his inner critic (00:25:04) - Learn how (and when) to confront him on his BS (00:25:58) - Be a friend *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

Talking points: food, addiction, cravings I've gotta say, I enjoyed this one a lot. Glenn has a TON of practical, actionable, and science-based advice on tackling cravings—and a nice dose of good humor. Grab a pencil and listen close for this one, team. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:02:26)- Why are so many North Americans overweight? (00:10:01) - Glenn on the declining quality of food (00:17:24) - Getting away from packaged food is generally more important than a specific diet (00:19:57) - Why is overeating such a thing, how do we approach letting go of that, and “organismic distress” (00:39:24) - More helpful examples of organismic distress (00:43:17) - Where does understanding a craving start? (00:54:53) - How does a craving actually get extinguished, and the “extinction curve” that they take Glenn Livingston, Ph.D. was the long time CEO of a multi-million dollar consulting firm which has serviced several Fortune 500 clients in the food industry. You may have seen his (or his company's) previous work, theories, and research in major periodicals like The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Chicago Sun Times, The Indiana Star Ledger, The NY Daily News, American Demographics, or any of the other major media outlets you see on this page. You may also have heard him on ABC, WGN, and/or CBS radio, or UPN TV. Disillusioned by what traditional psychology had to offer overweight and/or food obsessed individuals, Dr. Livingston spent several decades researching the nature of bingeing and overeating via work with his own clients AND a self-funded research program with more than 40,000 participants. He earned his Ph.D. is in psychology from Yeshiva University in 1991. Connect with Glenn -Website: https://www.defeatyourcravings.com/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/defeatyourcravings/ *** This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month. Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok