I used to have a joke before tossing myself casually from terrifyingly-high cliffs around the world, "Dying is easy; it beats paying rent." We're called to a much greater death.

The Coward's Path

I found my mum dead, after much brokenness, I'm running back to Jesus. I've been pouring out my soul to Him and asked what He wants me to do. He said, "Tell the world." I've put it off, avoided it, begged for something else, tried to reason with Him, and He's been completely silent. My pastor used to say, "If the Lord isn't speaking to you, go back and do the last thing He told you to do, because He's not going to give you more instructions if you don't even obey the first ones." So, here I am I think in obedience, transparent and vulnerable and honest. It's terrifying but good.