Recently,  when I heard someone verbalize a question from my youth, I was reminded  that I have never hear anyone else answer that question the way I do. IWhen I first stumbled upon the question, I kept looking until I found  an answer that satisfied my doubts.  I offer that answer to you. Not in  hopes that you will adopt it, but as encouragement to believe that you  are free to keep honestly questioning anything about God until you find  an answer that truly satisfies you.