Show notes
I was honored to interview Tiffani Goff, mother, blogger, author of Loving Tiara: A Memoir on the podcast. I followed Tiffani’s journey with her daughter Tiara who had TSC for several years on Facebook as she shared glimpses from her day to day life with an incredibly challenging presentation of TSC, one that would ultimately claim Tiara’s life. I observed her posts in the days leading up to her passing and waited and watched for her to reappear on the other side of this loss. So many of we parents of loved ones affected by chronic life-threatening conditions live with the reality that we may lose our children at some point in our lifetimes and while this is not often the case, it happens regularly.
What Tiffani details is often heart-rending and painful, Treatment after medication after surgery after procedure. In Tiffani’s own words; “So whenever normally work, didn't work for her. So it was a lot of trial and error. And I think for even families who have a child not as affected (by TSC) as Tiara, that's the most important piece as a parent and/or caretaker is being able to identify; Is this a behavior from medication? What're the side effects? What is the actual condition? How is my child feeling when they can't communicate? That's the hardest part and guessing and guessing. Am I doing this right? Am I doing this wrong?... but I kind of feel like the best advice, if I'm giving advice was kind of just gotta go with your gut. And you just have to really pay attention.”
Managing a condition such as TSC requires a parent or caregiver become incredibly knowledgeable about various aspects of medicine, A TSC case manager is a person that has learned to traverse multiple systems of care at the same time and bridge the communication gaps between these systems of care in order to make sure nothing slips through the cracks, amassing legions of knowledge about pharmaceuticals, insurance companies, social services, the mental health and behavioral health industry, dentistry, and more in order to insure that all treating are as close to on the same page as possible.
“And when I was dealing with Tiara after the first couple meds didn't work, and I knew they weren't working and I realized that some of the doctors, like when a doctor, in the beginning, who's our first doctor, just picked up and left. I was like, Oh, my, I realized I'm responsible for her. So a doctor can just leave us and he was like our lifeline. And so that first made me realize I have to be in charge here. I can't just depend, (on anyone) and then when you can't get visits, so I just put aside my fear. I think that is one of the biggest things for anyone, whether not getting a new job or being afraid to speak up, is fear. And I just was …I am not going to. I was scared, but I was like, forget it. I'm not being scared.”
Tiffani continues throughout the episode to walk us through the timeline of her life managing Tiara’s TSC diagnosis, which got more involved, complicated and convoluted with each passing day but also impinged greatly on the lives of her family, She discusses these challenges as well. Challenges to find balance in the midst of chaos, challenges to stay connected to all of our family members and fulfill our “societal obligations” when our hearts are breaking in pieces daily.
“So I think I just knew Tiara was not going to live forever. So it was kind of like, I know she's taking up so much time but these kids are here for a reason. I've got two other kids and I can't drop the ball and I knew wasn't going to be forever. You know, so it was kind of like God was keeping me going because they were going to be here. I knew they were going to be here a lot longer, and I just couldn't abandon them. And my husband is the sweetest guy in the whole world. But he's never filled out a piece of paperwork for school. He doesn't know. He didn't know any of that, you know, he didn't even know how to find the...
What Tiffani details is often heart-rending and painful, Treatment after medication after surgery after procedure. In Tiffani’s own words; “So whenever normally work, didn't work for her. So it was a lot of trial and error. And I think for even families who have a child not as affected (by TSC) as Tiara, that's the most important piece as a parent and/or caretaker is being able to identify; Is this a behavior from medication? What're the side effects? What is the actual condition? How is my child feeling when they can't communicate? That's the hardest part and guessing and guessing. Am I doing this right? Am I doing this wrong?... but I kind of feel like the best advice, if I'm giving advice was kind of just gotta go with your gut. And you just have to really pay attention.”
Managing a condition such as TSC requires a parent or caregiver become incredibly knowledgeable about various aspects of medicine, A TSC case manager is a person that has learned to traverse multiple systems of care at the same time and bridge the communication gaps between these systems of care in order to make sure nothing slips through the cracks, amassing legions of knowledge about pharmaceuticals, insurance companies, social services, the mental health and behavioral health industry, dentistry, and more in order to insure that all treating are as close to on the same page as possible.
“And when I was dealing with Tiara after the first couple meds didn't work, and I knew they weren't working and I realized that some of the doctors, like when a doctor, in the beginning, who's our first doctor, just picked up and left. I was like, Oh, my, I realized I'm responsible for her. So a doctor can just leave us and he was like our lifeline. And so that first made me realize I have to be in charge here. I can't just depend, (on anyone) and then when you can't get visits, so I just put aside my fear. I think that is one of the biggest things for anyone, whether not getting a new job or being afraid to speak up, is fear. And I just was …I am not going to. I was scared, but I was like, forget it. I'm not being scared.”
Tiffani continues throughout the episode to walk us through the timeline of her life managing Tiara’s TSC diagnosis, which got more involved, complicated and convoluted with each passing day but also impinged greatly on the lives of her family, She discusses these challenges as well. Challenges to find balance in the midst of chaos, challenges to stay connected to all of our family members and fulfill our “societal obligations” when our hearts are breaking in pieces daily.
“So I think I just knew Tiara was not going to live forever. So it was kind of like, I know she's taking up so much time but these kids are here for a reason. I've got two other kids and I can't drop the ball and I knew wasn't going to be forever. You know, so it was kind of like God was keeping me going because they were going to be here. I knew they were going to be here a lot longer, and I just couldn't abandon them. And my husband is the sweetest guy in the whole world. But he's never filled out a piece of paperwork for school. He doesn't know. He didn't know any of that, you know, he didn't even know how to find the...
