The Useless Majors
The Useless Majors
Jordan Starcrash, Miles Jenks
A story about a bunch of college graduates trying to make it in the real world and get real jobs..... ....even though their diplomas were radioactive and gave them superpowers.... ....And the real world is being conquered by Evil....
Episode 10: 'Unpresidented: Politic-Talk-Boom,' or 'Minor Setbacks, Major Beginnings'
 It's here finale! Episode 10 'Unpresidented: Politic-Talk-Boom,' or 'Minor Setbacks, Major Beginnings.' Following the events of episode 9, the entire UMU (Usless Majors Universe) is stuck. They have all been quarantined to the Marbleton High gymnasium, a designated safe zone, while the Jinglehammer destroys the town. Yes, the fabled Jinglehammer has been summoned (accidentally, by Mr. M), and after escaping the Marbleton Volcano, is wandering around the town, destroying everything in his path, searching for something. But for what? What's a but for what? Find out!   As this goes on, drama, lies and misunderstandings threaten to destroy our heroes from within: Zwayne, afraid to face his destiny, continues to stall in any way. Manny, suffering a cramped style, does anything he can to hide from his father Mr. L. Patrick, feeling abandoned, has not been able to leave the stage. Without his friends around, he takes out his anger on the demanding captive crowd of heroes, villains, and regular citizens the only way he knows how: with music. Victor doesn't like this side of Patrick. David, barely surviving the booby-trapped dance-off with Evil Al, and attack by 200 bees that followed, has taken some much needed time to think about his life, the people in his life, and what he needs to do. BRE and Sheena have hit a bump in their relationship. If Sheena could stop being so stubborn, and BRE could get her eye-lamps fixed, maybe they could see where the other is coming from. And finally, Anne. Following the suggestion she got from her idol Broad Daylight, Anne is doing everything she can to resolve her friends' problems and form the Superhero team that she knows they could be, and that Marbleton really needs. Can she succeed in time to save the town from the Jinglehammer? Let's hope so!   Meanwhile, the President-Elect Thomas Duke, AKA The Villainous Alpha-Bat, works with Alfredo to write an acceptance speech, unaware his victory is one of the final pieces to Kaufman's evil plan for World Domination. .....A plan that does not involve Tommy, a plan that could seal his fate. But one man knows this, and is on a mission to save Thomas Duke and stop Kaufman before he can destroy/take over the World. ....Unfortunately, that man is the senile, kooky Randall 'The Duke' Duke. Can he save his son and thereby, the World? Find out on the Season One Finale! Enjoy!     #uselessmajors  #uselessmajorspodcast  #season1finale  #unpresidented  #jinglehammer  #girlsandcatfarts  #prezduke   -------------------------------------------------------------- The Useless Majors podcast was written, recorded and edited in St. Louis, Missouri by Jordan Starcrash and Miles Jenks. Starring Jon Kirner, Anna Drehmer, Joe Roeder, Jon Booker, Samuel Rupe-Smith, Miles Jenks and Jordan Starcrash. Guest starring in this episode: Gael Jenks as Sheena the High School Weeyach, Loren Jenks as Shawna the Weeyach Mom, and Mark Willey as Mr. Heyman, Cockney Villain, and The Leper-Cauhn     Follow us on social media!,, and on twitter @uselessmajors   Music in this episode: "Young Abe Lincoln" and "Don't Forget Who Your Friends Are", performed by Bunnygrunt, provided by Pancake Productions, and "Angel" by Suicide Queen.   Special thanks to Robert Severson and Pancake Productions, and to Kay Dolores of Suicide Queen. Also to our amazing cast, who have done such great work this entire season, and to our incredible fans, who have patiently dealt with our lack of a release schedule. Look out for Season 2 in the nearish future!   And always, please rate and review! Thank you!
Mar 8, 2017
1 hr 16 min
Final Showrunners' Discussion of Season 1
The title says it all! This is the last showrunners' discussion of Season 1!   The finale is coming very soon, and we have a few things we wanna talk to you about! So check it out! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll sneeze!    #uselessmajors, #uselessmajorspodcast, #seasonfinale, #pretzels, #fanficplease
Sep 7, 2016
16 min
Sometimes you just need to escape, am I right? For example, sometimes, your town is being destroyed by the Jinglehammer, and the entire town is evacuated to the High School gym, the very same High School gym where you and your friends were trying to relax and enjoy yourselves. We've all been there, as have our heroes. So, what do you do in those situations? Watch TV, of course! And that's exactly what they do in Marbleton, too.  Please enjoy the 'Shows' one-off!   Season One Finale coming soon! Stay Tuned! #uselessmajors #uselessmajorspodcast #reelectionmatch #prezduke ---------- Follow us on Social Media! twitter @uselessmajors   Please Rate and Review! An *NSFH Production  
Jul 21, 2016
11 min
Episode 9: Tomorrow-Day Night Fervor, or Blunderball
The Useless Majors podcast was written, recorded and edited in St. Louis, MO by Miles Jenks and Jordan Starcrash, and stars Miles Jenks, Samuel Rupe-Smith, Jonathan Kirner, Anna Drehmer, and Jordan Starcrash. Guest Starring in this episode: Jonathan Booker as Marlin Perkins and Abe the Giant, Joe Roeder as Patrick McDonald and John Adams, Gael Jenks as Sheena the High-School Weeyach and Other Guy 1, and Robert Severson as Evil Al and Cultist   Prepare yourselves for the penultimate thrill of the season! What was that rumble? What's going on here? Do you have a minute (or 45) to talk about Evil? While Zwayne is stuck at theatre, dealing with a ravenous influx of villains and Jinglehammer cultists, the rest of our heroes find themselves at the Marbleton High Gymansium for the annual Tomorrow-Day Night Dance! Spike Ambrose, leader of Marbleton's premiere punk band Spike and the Other Guys, is left in the lurch when he's kicked out the band (and his van is stolen), leaving Patrick McDonald to scoop up the slot as entertainment. Is he prepared? You might be surprised! ....might. While working hard to avoid any work at all, Manny stumbles upon a secret, exclusive ghost party, and runs into a few old friends, while others forego their invites (that they totally received) to save the World from.... you guessed it... Evil. Anne, trying to prove herself as being 'cool', has been implemented into a plan to help Sheena The High-School Weeyach sneak out of her house to attend the dance with BRE, while David is focused on breaking up Evil Al and Honey Bae at any ridiculous cost. Think a booby-trapped high school dance contest HAS to be a visible gag? Prepare your ears to be WRONG! Yes, both of them, even the right one. But! It's all fun and games until everyone forgets about a Presidential Election! And this time, it may really cost us! For once, I'm not gonna spoil it, not even as a joke. Prepare yourselves to enjoy!   #uselessmajors #uselessmajorspodcast #whatsgoingonhere #quincy #allmajors   ----------------- The Useless Majors was created by Jordan Starcrash Follow us on social media: twitter @uselessmajors   Music in this episode: 'Had a Clue' and 'I Can See It Now' by William Godfred 'Master Plan' by Pretty Little Empire Follow Pretty Little Empire on Social Media: twitter @prettylittleemp   Also listen to them on iTunes, Bandcamp, and Spotify! They have featured songs in Demetri Martin's new movie "The Last Time You Had Fun", which is now streaming on Netflix! Check it out!   And, as always, PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW! (especially on iTunes)
Apr 29, 2016
47 min
Honey and David
After finally, FINALLY getting home from the Volcano, and his lil' misadventure with Manny, Patrick and Mr. L, David finds 2 messages waiting him on his answering machine. TWO WHOLE MESSAGES!? MR. POPULARITY OVER HERE! ....Or is he? Let's find out!   #uselessmajors, #uselessmajorspodcast, #dylo, #2millionbees, #showdownathighschool ---------------------------------------------   Follow us on social media! twitter @uselessmajors   Please Rate and Review!
Mar 28, 2016
5 min
UM Show runners Discussion #57 (or so, probably)
Yep, another one of these bloody things. But what's that? Jordan's cat is in the room? He'll surely bite and terrorize the lot of 'em! This discussion is about the blossoming future of *NSFH, the future comedy LLC POWERHOUSE, owned by Jordan and Miles. #NSFH Such efforts include new cont--- just listen! If I tell you everything here, why would you listen?! I'm outta here. Door closing noise! .....wait, I mean *door closing noise*   #uselessmajors  #uselessmajorspodcast  #showrunners57  #nsfh -------------------------- Follow us on Social Media! twitter @uselessmajors 
Feb 4, 2016
9 min
Mortimer and Kevin, Crime Fighters
Real quick, listeners: Ever wonder who it was, like, forever ago Alfredo said he ACTUALLY works for? Remember that? Me neither, of either. But f'real, after the vicious attack by Betty Duke, Senator Kaufman has found himself incapacitated and laid-up in Marbleton General Hospital, face unrecognizable under the layers of bandages, trying to get a moment of peace to plan his next move. Little does Kaufman know he has surprise roomie joining him; Mortimer Duke!  Yes, the prodigal twin brother of Randall, and beloved uncle of Thomas Duke, AKA The Villainous Alpha-Bat, has come to Marbleton under ridiculous circumstances, and finds himself in Marbleton General Hospital under equally (or greater-ly) ridiculous circumstances. Will Kaufman be able to conceal his identity from Mortimer? Or will Mortimer outsmart him? Bearing in mind Mortimer is a Duke, I think you can guess. Enjoy!    -------------- #uselessmajors  #uselessmajorspodcast  #mortimerandkevin  #kevinbandages     Follow us on social media! Twitter @uselessmajors  
Jan 26, 2016
9 min
Keep Good Manny's Company
Let's ring in the new year with our favorite silly shape-shifter Manny Hinojosa! After a day of drinking and goat-on-ghost action at the zoo, Manny and Patrick were not expecting to end up at the Marbleton Volcano. Nor were they expecting to ride home with Manny's father and Patrick's "grandfather", Mr. L. To keep up this ruse, Manny is gonna need all the help he can get! But who is going to answer the call? How is Manny going to pull this one off? Let's find out! Remember to keep Good Manny's Company!   #uselessmajors, #uselessmajorspodcast, #mannyscompany2, #breadmanager, #roughriders   Follow us on social media! Twitter @uselessmajors      
Dec 31, 2015
7 min
The BroadCast with Broad Daylight and Ira Gl***
The BroadCast; A superlyabled look at pop culture and politics. Today on The BroadCast, cohosts Broad Daylight as Ira Gl*** discuss Senator Kaufman's evil call to action, as well as his recent hospitalization. Later on in the program, Spaghetti the Clown will be on to discuss his controversial "Sliced Jesus" remarks at the Presidential debate.    The Useless Majors podcast is written, recorded, and edited in St. Louis, MO by Jordan Starcrash and Miles Jenks. Follow the Useless Majors on social media! Like us on facebook at, visit, and on twitter @uselessmajors!   #uselessmajors, #uselessmajorspodcast, #theBroadCast, #thetwiddler, #hotsaucelatte, #LarissaOleynik
Dec 13, 2015
13 min
Episode 8: ‘Evil Al and David: Bonehead by Dawn’ or ‘Mr. M vs. The Volcano’
The w8 is over, here is much-anticip8ed and long-aw8ed Episode 8! ......apologies for that. Anne is dealing with some serious self-image issues, mainly pertaining to how she is being treated by David at work. But when famous parody artist Evil Al appears in town, and invites himself to Honey Bae's school dance as her date, David spirals into complete illogical dumb-buttedness. Why should Anne even care what David thinks? Let's find out! Following Betty's instructions, Randall 'The Duke' Duke has set out on his quest to the Marbleton Volcano to stop the Misters from destroying their relics, followed closely behind by his son Thomas Duke, AKA The Villainous Alpha-Bat, who is determined to stop his Father's quest short, and also stop the Misters from destroying the relics in the volcano. Wait, that's the same quest, isn't it? *Sigh* Classic Thomas Duke. Wait some more, Kaufman needs the relics TO BE destroyed! Can Kaufman stop the both of them from ruining his Evil plans? Betty and Randall could be in danger, if so! I guess you better listen to find out! But Randall 'The Duke' Duke and Thomas Duke, AKA The Villainous Alpha-Bat, aren't the only ones racing to Mco and the Marbleton Volcano; The Misters are dealing with their own silly speed bumps while transporting the relics for destruction. As is Zwayne, who is transporting the slightly intoxicated Patrick and Manny from the Zoo to Mco. Joining their troop are the ghosts of Marlin Perkins and 'Macho Man' Teddy Roosevelt, who have both promised to share the grandest secret of their ghostly realm, as long as Zwayne can get them the Chalupacabra. Can he do it? Can any of them do it? What is it? Why don't ya listen, weirdo! And pay attention, this episode is totally vol-canonical! Waka waka! Enjoy!   #uselessmajors, #uselessmajorspodcast, #volcanoparty, #isitBEESyoourelookingfor   The Useless Majors podcast was written, recorded and edited in St. Louis, Missouri by Jordan Starcrash and Miles Jenks. Starring Jon Kirner, Anna Drehmer, Samuel Rupe-Smith, Miles Jenks and Jordan Starcrash. Guest starring in this episode Gael Jenks as Sheena the High-School Weeyach, Kay Dolores as The Chalupacabra, Joe Roeder as Patrick McDonald and Radio Anchor, Jonathan Booker as Marlin Perkins, Other Bill, Marbletainment Tonight anchor, and Senator Kaufman, and Robert Severson as Podcat Meoward Catsell and Evil Al. Follow us on social media!,, and on twitter @uselessmajors   Music in this episode: 'Fart Stain' written by Jordan Starcrash, performed by Googolplexia. 'Baloney Aloney' written by Dubb Nubb, performed by Googolplexia. 'Summer Good, Summer Great' written and performed by Googolplexia.   Check out Googolplexia online at, and on to hear Googolplexia and lots of other great artists. You can also go to to follow Googolplexia and lots of other amazing artists. Available right now from Pancake Productions is the 'Pancake Pieces Pancake Sampler', a 2-disc, 50 track compilation of Pancake Production artists for $10! They're going fast, and supplies are limited!   Thanks guys! Rate and Review!
Oct 24, 2015
43 min
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