Hello, and welcome to A Mind of Her Own! I’m Jennifer Reid, a psychiatrist and the author of the book, Guilt Free, Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations.

Today is Episode 4 in my series called Guilt Free, For Real. (Want to catch up? Here are the first three episodes: 1. Solving the Guilt Equation (Finally!) 2. The Guilt Divide: Women, Men and the Emotions We’re Taught to Feel 3. Why Can’t I Ditch this Awful Guilt? )

This episode today (corresponding with chapter three in the book, if you are following along), is all about the Four Furies of Unreasonable Expectations.

If you’ve listened to prior episodes, and I encourage you to do so (see above)! you know about the Guilt Equation, which is that our guilt is based on our expectations of ourselves minus our perceived reality, meaning minus what we notice ourselves doing, which may not even reflect, in fact often doesn’t reflect, what we’re actually doing.

But where do these sky high expectations come from?

The Four Furies are:

* Constant caretaking: “I feel like it’s selfish to take time for myself instead of being available to the people who need me.”

* Hyper-accountability: “I adjust what I say or do to manage other people’s emotional reactions.”

* Seeking perfection: “I have trouble resting because I believe I should be trying to improve myself.”

* Having it all: “When I succeed in one area (work, parenting, health) I feel like I’m neglecting another.”

Understanding these four big categories for expectations allows you to see that you are not alone. These categories exist because so many women have experienced them. But I’m here to tell you that there is a way forward. Recognizing that yes, these are expectations that you’ve been taught and expected to carry, but they don’t have to be the final answer. If you’re saying “should,” someone else is writing your story. When you take control of your expectations, what you want, what you need, and what makes sense for you will create the story you follow.

You get to decide what those choices are and rewrite these expectations that you’re working through. In future episodes, you will learn how to adjust each of the Guilt Equation variables, both your expectations and our perceived reality.

Guilt doesn’t have to be your full time job. You are already enough.

***Want to build community while lessening your guilt? Start your own Guilt Free Group here. (jenniferremd.com/guilt-free)

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Connect with your host, Jennifer Reid, MD

Dr. Jennifer Reid is a physician, the host of A Mind of Her Own, and the author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations — available at major retailers.

🌐 Website: jenniferreidmd.com

Feeling inspired by this conversation? Start your own Guilt Free Group here!(jenniferremd.com/guilt-free)

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