The Not Tonight Podcast

We wrap up the third season of this podcast with reflections from Rachel and Caitlin, with an emphasis on the immense learnings that have come with creating and sustaining a story-based podcast over the past 15 months. Caitlin and Rachel also share two primary ways to stay involved with the project while the podcast goes on a hiatus: (1) Through the online Patreon community, where there are weekly videos and other resources to further your learning. (2) Through the monthly Women’s Circle meetings, where they gather online to listen and share as women from all walks of life open up about their learnings and receive the encouragement and support they need. Finally, they invite listeners to share their thoughts and ideas in a brief survey, to help them decipher what might be next for this project! **Thank you to your faithful listeners for journeying with us! We can’t wait to see what’s next!** CONNECT WITH US - Join the Patreon: www.nottonight.org/patreon - Come to a Women’s Circle: www.nottonight.org/circle  - Fill out our survey: www.nottonight.org/survey  - Hang out with us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/nottonightproject 

The project’s co-founder Rachel Walker takes her turn to share her tender journey with sexuality, beginning with a childhood shaped by religious values and the extended divorcing of her parents. As Rachel made sense of the world around her, she put labels and judgements on everything - especially sexuality. This led Rachel to years marked by loneliness, unreturned affections, and a period of silent self-exploration, which she concealed for over a decade. However, when Rachel met her husband at 18, she experienced a transformative shift. Their relationship not only healed past wounds but also presented new challenges surrounding purity and sexuality. Rachel candidly shares her struggles with her relentless pursuit of perfection, which overshadowed true pleasure. The episode unfolds Rachel's evolving understanding of herself and her sexuality. Her pursuit of self-discovery and her willingness to challenge societal narratives around sexuality lead to newfound confidence, softness, and authenticity in her relationship, as well as a passion for other women to discover the same in their own lives. Content warning: this episode includes sexual content and religious themes. ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

Our very own Caitlin Nochajski shares her full story for the first time on our podcast! She takes us back to her beginnings in an authoritative Catholic family and how being surrounded by seedy, unsafe men deeply impacted her future marriage and views of sex. Caitlin describes how even though her now-husband was always safe, stable, and respectful, her early observations about men seeped into their dynamic and led to her having a deep distaste for sex. After a huge blowup where the word “divorce” entered their marriage for the first time, Caitlin set out to fix their intimacy issues. She then discovered that improving her sex life not only impacted the whole of her marriage, but also the rest of her life. Her newfound passion for women’s sexual liberation led her to some unlikely places, including co-founding this project! Content warning: this episode includes sexual content and stories of sexual harassment. ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

In this engaging episode, we take a delightful journey with the dynamic Meg Rector, a dating and relationship coach for single Christian women in sunny LA.  Meg grew up in a Christian household where discussions about sex were as clinical as a visit to the gynecologist. And once she bought into purity culture hook, line, and sinker, Meg found herself sitting atop a high, white horse waving her v-card as a giant, fluttering flag of superiority. But all of a sudden, Meg woke up at the age of 25 without even a male friend in sight. She realized that if she wanted a chance at marriage, she’d have to actually step out and find who she was looking for, risking her reputation of pure perfection in the process. As Meg dove into the dating world, not only did she shake off the illusions she’d set up for herself, but she found a truer, grittier, more real version of herself in the process. Dating proved to be playground of personal growth, filled with learning through the joy and the awkwardness. When Meg did find the man she dreamed of, her previous dating escapades brought a richness to her sexuality. Her gradual transition from purity culture to married life was more like adjusting a dimmer switch than flipping a light switch, and she felt a true freedom in the bedroom. Now as a relationship coach, Meg encourages women to use dating as she did - as a way to not just find your life partner, but to find yourself. Content warning: this episode includes sexual content and discusses purity culture. Resources Mentioned: - Learn more from Meg: https://www.meglrector.com/ - Connect with Meg on IG: @meglrector - Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

Fellow podcaster and sex educator Laura Borichevsky boldly shares her journey with us - from limiting religious beginnings to now pursuing a degree in holistic sex education, her path has been a windy one. While her strict upbringing left her with a sense of estrangement from her body, her autonomy, and from open conversations about sex, her transformation began when she decided to take control of her sexual health at 17. This defining moment ignited her passion for helping others in similar situations. As Laura found community in a Planned Parenthood club during her college years, as well as the world of outdoor recreation, she discovered a deep need for further education and more thorough conversations about consent, safety, and inclusivity in the world of sexuality. Furthermore, Laura shares her personal journey through different relationships, including a challenging period of no sex, and how these experiences impacted her view of herself and her needs. Laura's bold story of empowerment proves that sometimes, the defining moments of life will not only stretch you to reclaim your life, but also positively impact those around you. Content warning: this episode includes sexual content and explicit language. Resources Mentioned: - Sex Outside Podcast: https://sexoutside.org/podcast - Connect with Laura on IG: @lauraborichevsky ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

British-Asian entrepreneur Sumeena Gupta has dedicated her life to supporting women as they access abundance in every aspect of their lives and now, she opens up about her journey of peeling back the layers to discover her truest sexual self. Sumeena shares how her upbringing in a conservative immigrant Indian family where discussions about sex were hush-hush shaped her early perceptions of sexuality as a whole and covered her heart in shame.  Upon reaching her 40th birthday, Sumeena’s perspective shifted, and like a butterfly emerging from her cocoon, she shed the beliefs of her past and unfurled her wings in a metamorphosis of liberation. As she reflects on her life, Sumeena encourages us to embrace our most authentic sexual selves, emphasizing that it's never too late to rewrite the script of our lives. Content warning: this episode includes sexual content and explicit language. Connect with Sumeena on Instagram at @coach_business_school ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

Carlie Palmer-Webb, the hailed “Christian Sex Educator”, gets real with us in this episode about shame, sexual agency, and her own personal journey that led her to the field of sex education. While Carlie grew up with truly stellar parents, she shares that conversations about sex were noticeably absent. She keenly observed her parents' loving relationship but lacked essential guidance on bodies, consent, and puberty. Despite her curiosity, talking about sex was laden with guilt and judgment due to societal and religious perspectives.  Shame followed Carlie as she stepped into the world of dating, and it wasn’t until she faced her discomfort head-on that she experienced true transformation. She discovered the importance of choices, consent, and aligning her behaviors with personal beliefs, which ultimately led to an entirely new view of herself and her sexuality. Join us as we unravel the complexities of sexuality, destigmatize desire, and pave the way for a more informed and open dialogue surrounding sex and relationships for future generations. Content warning: this episode includes sexual content and references the Christian church. Resources Mentioned: - Resources from Carlie: https://thechristiansexeducator.com/ - Connect with Carlie on IG: @thechristiansexeducator ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

We dive deep into attachment, self-worth, and finding balance in this riveting episode with Diana Eskander, renowned love coach from Canada.  Raised in an Egyptian immigrant family, Diana takes us on a journey through her own personal experiences, reflecting on her early perceptions of love and romance. She shares how she overcame struggles with body image and disordered eating, and how these challenges shaped her relationships and self-worth. Diana delves into her evolution from chasing romance and being anxiously attached to finding true balance and harmony in her relationships, particularly through embracing the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies. We also explore her insights on how this balance affects sexuality, and she offers practical advice for those seeking a more satisfying intimate connection. Don’t miss this heartfelt conversation on embracing love and creating balanced, fulfilling relationships. Content warning: this episode includes sexual content and discusses disordered eating. Resources Mentioned: - The School of Love: https://dianaeskander.com/school-of-love - Connect with Diana on IG: @dianaeskander_ ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

If there were ever a prize given for the worst sex advice ever received, we’re pretty sure Jess would win the gold medal. Now a champion of her own healing, Occupational Therapist and Vaginismus Coach Jess Seitz spent years in the dark, lonely place of sexual pain. Everywhere she looked for answers or support, Jess only found more and more unhelpful advice - from telling her to drink, to trying to beat a demon out of her, she experienced it all. Finally pulling from her own therapeutic background, she began to make surprising connections that helped mend the pathway between her head, heart, and body that would change her future forever. For anyone struggling with sexual pain or vaginismus, this episode is a must listen. Jess’ strength, persistence, and joy-filled hope for others offers light on an often dark, confusing place and gives clues toward the next step in your own healing journey. Content warning: this episode includes sexual and religious content, as well as mentioning disordered eating. Resources Mentioned: - Jess’ Vaginismus Course: https://painfreeintimacy.com - Connect with Jess on IG: @painfreeintimacy ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.

Did you know that sharing domestic labor more equally leads to a better sex life? In this episode, we chat with Abby; mother of two and a content creator with a focus on motherhood and equalizing domestic labor.  Abby candidly discusses her journey, from initially accepting imbalanced relational roles to eventually discovering the Fair Play method and redefining how work and family was balanced between her and her husband. Abby also dives into how doing this work has led to a more fulfilling sex life, emphasizing the importance of open communication and setting expectations. Through prioritizing her own needs, Abby proves that true love and partnership can thrive when rooted in mutual respect and understanding. May Abby's journey inspire you to redefine your own relationships and advocate for the love and respect you deserve. Content warning: this episode includes sexual content, and minor explicit language. Resources Mentioned: - “Fair Play” by Eve Rodsky - Connect with Abby on IG: @itsme_abbye ***** Want to dig deeper into doing the work in your own sex life? Join the conversation in the Not Tonight Patreon! https://www.nottonight.org/patreon Filled with videos, helpful resources, and optional community, this online space is for any woman in a long-term relationship looking to get practical support to build a deeper connection.