This week's episode is already better than last time. We're killing it, honestly. This week, we kick off the show by being hard on Jack Black, reliving Justin's childhood sparring against Taylor Lautner, and praising the hell out of Joey Chestnut. The stories we're covering this week:

- Elon Musk had secret twins with one of his execs.
- Rihanna is officially the youngest self-made billionaire. Eat your heart out, Kylie Jenner!
- Nicki Minaj's husband gets sentenced to house arrest (Barbz, please don't hurt us).