The Human Tapestry Podcast

This week, I’m talking with SafferMaster and Lady Petra, a cisgender, straight, and very kinky couple who live in a full-time power exchange relationship, and hosts of the Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast. SafferMaster is a sensual sadist and Lady Petra is a masochist. In their relationship SafferMaster is the dominant while Lady Petra is submissive, but Lady Petra is only submissive to SafferMaster, and it also a domme to other men. We had a great conversation talking about their incredibly connected relationship, how they found each other after leaving long, unhappy marriages, their current sex and kink forward relationship, the difference between a slave and a submissive, and many other topics. If you want to hear more from them, be sure to check out their Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast or any of their other sites linked below. One note about the episode's transcript. I'm trying something new by linking to the transcript separately, with a subtitled video. I'd like to make this podcast as accessible as possible, so if you use transcripts or subtitles when you listen to podcasts and have any feedback on them, please let me know! Show Notes Episode transcript There were some terms used that may be new for some folks. Here is a glossary of some of those terms. Unless otherwise indicated, definitions come from the FetLife Kinktionary. CBT (from Wikipedia): Cock and Ball Torture: is a sexual activity involving the application of pain or constriction to the penis or testicles. Little: A person who identifies with or enjoys exhibiting a child-like mindset and/or behaviors. Their relationships may or may not include a power exchange component. Figging (from Wikipedia): the practice of inserting a piece of skinned ginger root into the human anus or the vagina in order to generate an acute burning sensation Protocol (from Peter Masters): refers to a set of rules of behavior used between two or more people to indicate rank. In BDSM, protocols are rules for a submissive or slave which apply to their interactions with other people, typically their dominant or master, and other BDSM associates. Frequently, different levels of protocols are defined for different occasions---such as high protocol, formal or casual. Slave: A person who agrees to give total control to someone who they are in a relationship with. Submissive: A person who participates in relationships, scenes and activities as a Top/Dominant or bottom/submissive depending on their mood, partner or the situation. Some switches enjoy changing their power dynamic during the scene. Links You can find both of them on FetLife: SafferMaster and Lady_Petra The Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast Lady Petra Playground Visit their Patreon page to support them or can learn about their kink relationship coaching program Lady Petra's Linktree

Today, I’m talking with Kristina, a queer, black, sexual assault survivor who's been married to a straight, white man for 17 years. We had a great conversation about growing up in a Christian, black, heterosexual family, how her possibly-gay pastor's death from AIDs led to her understanding her own sexuality, living in a mixed-race, mixed-orientation marriage, understanding her nonbinary child when they came out to her, and many other great topics! Note: I had some microphone issues and so fade out a few times during our conversation. Hopefully, it's not too distracting. Show Notes Find Kristina on Twitter. Be sure to check out her books: i wandered, lost: poemsCivil Rights Then and Now: A Timeline of the Fight for Equality in America * Affiliate links. If there is any income received from these links, it will go back into funding the podcast. Kristina was also a guest on the Get Drunk Get Woke Podcast, where she discussed "cancel culture". Episode Transcript 2021-05-10: Kristina Daniele Mike: [00:00:00] Welcome to the human tapestry podcast, the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of humanity through conversations about gender, sexuality, relationships, and sexual practices.  Today, I'm talking with Kristina, a queer black sexual assault survivor. Who's been married to a straight white man for 17 years. We had a great conversation about growing up in a black Christian heterosexual family. How her possibly gay pastors death from aids led to her understanding her own sexuality.  Living in a mixed race, mixed orientation, marriage, understanding her non binary child when they came out to her. In many other great topics. Couple of quick notes. I did have some microphone issues. And so I do fade out a few times during the conversation. Hopefully that's not too distracting. And also Kay mentioned her upcoming book. I wandered lost poems. We talked back in September. The book actually came out in October, so you can get your copy today. I've included a link in the show notes. If you do want to go ahead and order one.  Now let's get to the conversation.  Okay, thank you for, uh, coming on this.  Kristina: [00:01:06] You're welcome. Thank you for doing this.  Mike: [00:01:08] Um, yeah, so, um, you, you, you, when you emailed me, you said you're, you're queer and you're in a mixed oriented, mixed orientation marriage of your husband's straight, and you have a nonbinary child. So, um, Yeah. Why don't you just we'll start just about your queer identity, just,  Kristina: [00:01:33] okay. Um, it's weird because I don't have like a revelation story or a coming out story. Um, I just was always attracted to intelligent people. Um, and gender or sex rather, never played a role in it. Um, it was just connection if I felt like it's very, I don't know, I'm very attracted to smart people. Like, I guess that's a really, and it's, it's strange because, um, it started out just, you know, heterosexual because. That's what I, I was raised in a heterosexual family. Um, my mom was Christian. Um, I grew up, Episcopalian and then Presbyterian, um, in the black church where a heterosexual is the only sexuality. Um, at the time there was nothing else. Um, and I was really, really good friends with the youth director and choir youth choir director at my church. And his name was Mark and Mark, people always asked questions about Mark sexuality, because he was never seen with a woman.

Today, I’m talking with Mark, another person I talked to about four years ago during my Intersections project. If you haven't heard that interview yet, you can hear it in last week's From the Vault episode, along with Leandra Vane. Mark is a gay, married man and I had a great conversation with him as we caught up on his life since we last talked, growth in his marriage, unique struggles of non cishet marriages, puppies, and lots of other things. Episode Transcript [00:00:36] Mike: So it's been four years. Yeah. Um, and I know we were talking a little bit before we were recording about like, Identity and, um, yeah.  [00:00:50] Mark: [00:00:50] Yeah. Well, I think everyone's identity, of course is a very personal thing. Right. I think there are what 6 billion people on the planet. I think there's probably 6 billion identities. [00:01:00] Right, right. And, um, if you're gonna put me into a box, I'd tell you identify right now is as a gay male. Right. But I think the only true statement I could make is my identity is about being honest with myself about what I want in life. Right. So if, um, if there's one commonality that has stretched from the time when I first told my wife, look, I, I'm pretty sure I'm gay too. [00:01:30] Um, today where I'm, I'm married to my husband, to what I want for myself in the future. It's just the truth, you know? Not hiding, um, what I want for myself, not finding what I need for myself. Um, so with that, having said that I can't promise that might any, will never change in the future. I can't imagine a day where it would, but 20 years from now, I couldn't imagine the day where I was talking to you today. [00:02:00] Right, right. But, um, so I just want to identify as a honest person, you know, honest with the people I love and honest with myself. So maybe, maybe that's a cheesy cop out. I don't know. But yeah,  [00:02:18] Mike: [00:02:18] I like that. I want to identify as an honest person. That's actually, that's a good identity to have nowadays. Yeah. [00:02:27] Um, yeah. And I dunno, it actually is seeming like more now people are less. The generations coming up and the people that are really like moving forward with this kind of stuff, or like becoming less concerned with identity as much as just being able to be who you are.  [00:02:51] Mark: [00:02:51] Yeah. Yeah. The, the freedom that younger people feel today is something that I think, um, is a big step forward. [00:03:04] Our society is made, right? The freedom to be who you are and the right to say, I don't have to be ashamed of myself no matter who I am. You know, that, that, to me, that is a societal progress we've made. Hmm.  [00:03:20] Mike: [00:03:20] Yeah, it's looking better. I think. I mean, there's still struggles, but it is definitely different than, um, even 10 years ago. [00:03:32] Mark: [00:03:32] Yeah. [00:03:32]Mike: [00:03:32] Four years ago.  [00:03:34] Mark: [00:03:34] Yeah. Yeah. You know, I grew up in a small town in Michigan and in a farm community, there were less than a thousand people who lived in the town that I grew up in at the time. There's like 1200 now, but there's still no stoplight. There wasn't a stoplight and Litchfield Michigan when I was growing up. [00:03:51] And there isn't one today, but it's only marginally bigger, but, um, being, uh, you know, a pretty feminine gay teenager, um, as I was at the time, I feared for my safety, you know? And I go back there today. That was it, my family. And I see 18, 19 year olds on grinder in Litchfield, Michigan,

This week, I’m talking with Amanda VanderBroek, who I interviewed about four years ago under her pen name: Leandra Vane. She's a kinky, poly, sexually fluid woman, and we had a great conversation talking about all that's changed over the last four years, including being outed and having to fight for the validity of her identity, facing gatekeepers within the queer and erotic writing communities, living as a bisexual, kinky person in the rural Midwest, how writing about monsters and zombies can help reveal things about the treatment of sexual and racial minorities, and a lot of other things. Links Amanda's blog, The Needle & Bow.You can also see her archived work at The Unlaced Librarian.You can also find her on Instagram, Twitter, and Goodreads. Episode Transcript Mike: [00:00:00] Welcome to the human tapestry podcast, the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of humanity through conversations about gender, sexuality, relationships, and sexual practices.  This week, I'm talking with Amanda Vanderbroek, who I interviewed about four years ago under her pen name, Leandra Vane. She's a kinky poly sexually fluid woman. And we had a great conversation talking about all that's changed for her over the last four years, including being outed and having to fight for the validity of her identity, facing gatekeepers within the queer and erotic writing communities, living as a bisexual kinky person in the rural Midwest, how writing about monsters and zombies can help reveal things about the treatment of sexual and racial minorities and just a lot of other things. So let's get to the conversation. So it's been four years. Um, you're still female. Um, you're still writing. Erotic romances. Um, and, uh, it's still poly and sexually fluid, but I'm sure I'm sure things have, uh, have changed some in that the last four years we talked a little before, so I, but  Leandra: [00:01:32] yeah, so I guess so 2016 was kind of the height of my sex blogging. I was blogging as the Unlaced Librarian doing non-fiction sexuality book reviews. I was speaking at like sexuality conferences. Like I was just really out about so many things like polyamory and, uh, kink and BDSM. And I wrote a lot about pornography and whatnot. Well, then I got a day job that, uh, cared about that stuff and I live in the Midwest and, you know, I have to be vague about the details and I'm a little uppity about it, but, um, essentially like, uh, yeah, like. I was open about it. I was out and some people found it, even though it was not to be found, it was just there and tried to get me fired from my job. So it was like a very big thing and I have chronic health issues. And so, you know, kind of threatening my health insurance was very, had held a lot of weight. You know, it really made me question a lot of things about, you know, if I'm going to die on this Hill, it better be a good one. And that just impacted how I saw so many things, my writing, um, the, the work that I was doing with my blogging and my speaking, um, I was trying to sort of marry it professionally, um, you know, trying to bring in resources into my field and things like that to sort of give it validity. But then I was, you know, fighting for my validity for my whole identity, because it was so tied to it. I couldn't sort of separate it. And then shortly after that, there was sort of a big cancel thing on, on Twitter with like a lot of gatekeeping. And I completely questioned like my bisexuality and using that label and I didn't feel validated up there. So I'm like, okay, well, I can't be online.

You may have noticed a shift in the music. Since I've moved editing platforms, I didn't want to take the music from the creators on my old platform, so I found this nice song: Innovation by Jon Sib. I know it's just for the background, but I hope you like it. I've been fortunate to have a few guests back who were on my Intersections YouTube project a few years ago, including Leandra Vane and Mark. Before I share their interviews, I'm sharing those original interviews, so you can get to know them. First up is Leandra Vane, also known at that time as The Unlaced Librarian. Leandra is a bisexual femme who is in an open marriage. In this interview, we talked about her life and relationships, her exploration of BDSM, how her physical disability has influenced her sexuality, and many other things. Next up is Mark. Mark is a gay man who is romantically monogamous with his husband of, at the time of this interview, two years while enjoying a sexually open marriage. In this interview, he shared his identity, life, and journey with us. Enjoy the conversation! Episode Transcript Leandra Mike: [00:01:05]Well, welcome again to our next Intersections interview. I'm very excited to have Leandra Vane with us. Uh, Leandra is actually runs her own YouTube page and blog, uh, where she's the unlaced librarian doing book reviews and things like that for various, uh, um, erotic materials and things like that. So I'm very excited to have you welcome Leandra. [00:01:28] Thanks for doing this. I appreciate it.  [00:01:30] Leandra: [00:01:30] No problem. Thanks so much for having me.  [00:01:32] Mike: [00:01:32] Absolutely. Uh, so I'll just jump right in. Um, You said you identify as bisexual. Uh, so what's that identity mean to you?  [00:01:42] Leandra: [00:01:42] Well, it's interesting because I've actually only just within the last few months started identifying as bisexual. [00:01:48] Um, before that I identified as heteroflexible. And before that, even I just said that I was sexually fluid. I, um, have known for a really long time that I've been attracted to. Both men and women, but there just seems something so concrete about saying bisexual, that I was kind of scared of it, I suppose. [00:02:10] And there's a lot of quote, unquote, bad press about bisexuality, I guess, a lot of stigma attached to it. So I kind of kept thinking like, I must just be sexually fluid or I'm mostly straight, whatever, but I just finally got to a point where I, I am attracted to both men and women. I've had crushes on both men and women. [00:02:29] I've been sexual with both men and women. So, um, that's what it means to me. It means that I'm attracted to both men and women. So that's very cool. Okay. And you also identify as, as fab. Uh, so what'd you mean by that? Yeah. Um, I do have a visible physical disability, so when I was growing up, especially. In my teen years in my early twenties, like, I always felt very feminine, but because of my visible disability, I was authentic sexualized. [00:03:03] And so I felt that like, I wasn't the right kind of are women the right kind of feminine. And so, um, and especially in like the ways that I dressed, I wore leg braces, I had all these things, these issues. So I couldn't, um, I felt really exposed wearing feminine clothing or having a feminine identity. So I really kind of went the other way. [00:03:25] Like I cut all my hair off and I was like, totally like androgynous for awhile, but I was never really happy. I wanted to be feminine.

If you've listened to this podcast for a little while, it may end up looking and sounding a little different, because I'm trying a new editing platform that allows for something I've wanted to set up for a while: transcripts! The edits may be a little off as I adapt, but if this works out, it may be good in the long run. Of course, because this is a real, human conversation, and real humans don't always have conversations in structured, proper syntax, the transcript reads a little off at times. I thought it was important to capture the real conversation, though, for people who work with transcripts to have their best podcasting experience. Of course, I'm evolving as a podcaster just as I'm evolving as a human, so if anyone who relies on these has any feedback, please let me know! This week, I’m talking with Max, a friend who currently identifies as a transgender expansive, genderfluid, asexual, aromantic, mad poly queer, demisexual gender traveler who enjoys rope play, daddy boy play, impact play, edging, and other play of various kinds. We had a great conversation talking about their constantly evolving identity, how important their life as a young girl is to their identity, working in the mental health industry, navigating therapy, the "time travel mechanism" of ADHD, how language affects us, and so much more. Enjoy the conversation! Episode Transcript [00:00:00]  [00:00:15]Mike: If you've listened to this podcast for a little while. It may end up looking and sounding a little different because I'm trying a new editing platform that allows for something I wanted to set up for a while: transcripts! The edits may be a little off as I adapt, but if this works out, it may be good in the long run. And of course, because this is a real human conversation, and real humans don't always have conversations in structured, proper syntax transcript reads a little off at times.  [00:00:42] I thought it was important, though, to capture the real conversation for people who work with transcripts to have their best podcasting experience. Now, of course I'm evolving as a podcast or just as I'm evolving as a human, so if anyone who relies on these as any feedback, please let me know. Now, this week, I'm talking with Max, [00:01:00] a friend who currently identifies as a transgender expansive, gender fluid,  [00:01:04] asexual, aromantic, mad poly queer, demisexual gender traveler who enjoys rope play, daddy boy play, impact play, edging and other play of various kinds. We had a great conversation talking about their constantly evolving identity, how important their life as a young girl is to their identity. Working in the mental health industry, navigating therapy,  [00:01:28] the time travel mechanism of ADHD, how language affects us and so much more. So let's get to the conversation.    [00:01:36]  [00:01:36]Max, Max, you and I go back a ways actually to, [00:01:52] I don't know, it's been a few years. We first met in your skate shop in Columbus, so,  [00:02:00] [00:02:00] Max: and then that's like five it's like what? Five years? Probably.  [00:02:05] Mike: At least five or six back. Yeah. So it's been a little bit and, and it's been really neat because I've gotten to watch you change and evolve into yourself since I've gotten to know you. [00:02:19] Um, and I know like you still filled out my little form and you've got on your identities. Let me go through them. This list here, transgender expansive, asexual, aromantic. Uh, enjoy rope play daddy boy play as a bottom or a sub, impact play, edging, long, drawn out sexy sensory play of various kinds, mad poly queer,

It's been a while! Running a podcast in your spare time can be a challenge sometimes, and work and life commitments got in the way for a bit, but the guests I interviewed still deserve to be heard! A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by Clive and Julianna, who wanted to have me as a guest on their podcast: Re-sex, where they discuss sexual experiences and kinks that they have changed their approach to. Of course, I said yes, and we had a great conversation. This is the discussion we had, which you can also hear on their podcast, along with other great interviews they've had. We talk about podcasting, life in and after the pandemic, and how we all have learned and evolved into the people we are today. That conversation with Clive and Julianna inspired me to get back on track, and over the next few weeks, I'll be posting catching up and posting interviews of the great people I talked to. I sincerely apologize to my guests who I interviewed last year. The lateness of these posts is a reflection on my own time management and definitely not an indication of the value of your amazing conversations! I hope everyone gets as much as I have out of these illuminating discussions. Show Notes Check out Clive and Julianna and all the things they're doing on Instagram, their Portfolio site, or — if you're into it — their FetLife and OnlyFans pages.Listen to Re-sex: re-thinking our sexuality in modern times on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

In this episode, I’m catching up with Michael, who I talked to during my Intersections project. If you haven't heard it yet, you can listen to that conversation in the From the Vault episode that was posted a couple weeks ago. Michael is a gay man who was married to a straight woman. They're no longer married but still have a great family relationship. We had a great conversation about his journey of discovery as a gay man, gay culture versus being gay, the fascinating LGBTQ cultural history of Oklahoma City, and more. This is the dissertation on Oklahoma City we talked about: Emergence and Evolution of the Gay and Bisexual Male Subculture in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, 1889--2005 I also wanted to share what Michael shared with me in a follow-up email: I attached the dissertation that started my interest in local gay history.  I suspect that young historians in other small cities have dome similar but it is not like there is a good resource collecting all of them.  And if there isn't maybe it is a jumping-off point for one of your listeners to dig for histories in their own city.  One thing I didn't mention was that with this dissertation i worked up a tour of OKC and have taken a few friends on a good two-mile walk around downtown looking at where places used to be, and telling stories, some of which I admit to embellishing.I think we all spend our lives thinking we are so unique, then we get older and realize that over the last ten or so thousand years that there have been others just like us but with vastly different societal pressures.  When I read the stories in that paper, or in some of the other resources I have collected, I can picture some dude trying to navigate his feelings, his wants, his desires, and thinking he was some kind of weirdo.  For me it is a great feeling to know that there are other weirdos out there, during all times, just stumbling around and doing their best.  In the end, we are crazy naked monkeys who have the fortune (or misfortune) to be self-aware.  Just crazy naked self-aware monkeys on a chaotic rock hurtling through space trying to make sense of the nonsensical.

Last week, you heard my conversation with Doctor Robyn. Today, we're going back in the vault to hear the Intersections interview with them four years ago. It was the second interview I'd ever done, so it was a little rough, but it was a thrill to talk with them and learn so much about gender and sexuality from someone with real professional and personal expertise. Back then, Dr. Robyn was a Visiting Assistant Professor of Ethics at Pacific School of Religion and a published author in the fields of queer studies in religion, ethics, and Latin@ studies. They shared their life and views on gender, sexuality, marriage, and how race can inform sexuality. I was fascinated back then and I hope you will be just as fascinated today.

I'm still working out some of the hiccups with the podcast posting to the cloud, but I had to make sure to get this episode out today: the day after National Coming Out Day. That's because I had a chance to catch up again with Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza. We talked four years ago during my Intersections project, which you can catch on the Intersections YouTube channel, or listen to it on this podcast later this week. Doctor Robyn is a nonbinary, Latinx, deep switch, theological activist, and once again we had an amazing conversation. Yesterday, they came out in a new way on their own podcast with Rev Anna Gollady (Gall-a-DAY): the Activist Theology Podcast. If you listen to their podcast, you know about it, but if not, well — it's pretty exciting. Before that, though, we also talked about getting into their body, radical consent, prescriptive vs descriptive sexuality, the BDSM community, how they have learned more about their own kink identity, the importance of having a relationship with pleasure — whether eating, having sex, or living life, and so much more! I think I've got the "kinks" worked out of the podcast, too, so you should see the rest of the season coming to your favorite podcast feed now. If not, please let me know!