David returns to Jerusalem after Absalom's death only to have another civil war break out immediately under a guy named Sheba. Joab took quick care of this. He met peacefully with Sheba, kissed him on the lips, grabbed his beard, and then sliced his belly open, spilling his intestines everywhere. When Joab approached Sheba's city of Abel Beth Maacah, Joab told a random old lady that if they give him Sheba's head, he wouldn't burn down their city. The old lady obliged. After this David dealt...