The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert
The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert
Ashlynn Mitchell
via Podcasts
A critical resource for relational recovery work
I’m a recovering addict, and my wife and I listen to this podcast so much that we affectionately call it “Bae” now for short. My D-day was 8.5 months ago and we found this podcast together about 5 months in. We were both struck by how real and practical the advice is, and how relevant every episode seems to be to our circumstances. It’s such a resource to me that my first thought when I encounter a new hard thing in the healing journey is, “I bet Bae has an episode about this.” They always do. Ashlynn and Coby feel like old friends, and I’m confident I’m not the only listener who feels that way. I pray for them often, and am so thankful for the gift of time and dedication they bring to this podcast. For any couple in recovery, this is a must-have in your arsenal of resources!
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Wish I found this sooner
I have been a loyal listener for about a year. I’m so grateful to Ashlyn and Coby being so authentic. It helps me make connections from their real stories and real struggles that I don’t think I would if everything stayed in the realm of theory. Their real life examples demonstrate how recovery is a process but one worth the endeavor. I’m seeing a therapist now that uses Internal Family Systems (IFS) as a trauma technique. I love the results it has given me but I would love Brannon’s insights on that technique vs EMDR and ART. I heard the episode where they discussed EMDR and ART but I would love to know his thoughts on IFS Thanks for living your story publicly it helps loyal listeners like me to grow along beside you
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Wise Counsel!
My husband and I have been married 13 years. Early on in our marriage was the first discovery of his Porn Addiction. I suffered betrayal trauma for many years. I didn’t know where to turn or who to tell. I protected his dirty secret out of shame. He sought help through a “weekend program” and attended a men’s group from church that only dealt with general issues. Needless to say...That’s not enough! Fast forward to 2020 He relapsed again and this time I reached out for professional help for the both of us. In addition, coincidentally, I found your Podcast! Life Changing! Hearing a voice from the addicted man’s perspective has changed my heart. I am more understanding. Thank you for your efforts in helping others find healing & safety in a relationship that has been damaged by betrayal. KC
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So helpful!
This podcast has been a staple in my recovery journey. This trio has such a dynamic approach to all things betrayal recovery - the coverage of topics is balanced which can be hard to find. Thank you for doing what you do!
Priceless information and gives me hope
I’ve been listening since nearly the beginning of this podcast. I’m at a beer different place in like now than when I started but continue to listen because the information is valuable for anyone that’s trying to better them self. Thank you!
A New Hope
I discovered this podcast in fall of 2019 after I had discovered a second affair in my marriage .... my spouse and I both had been working recoveries in other programs over the last 20 yrs- )I honestly thought I was done, I couldn’t work through another affair much less work another recovery program on top on Al- ANON- Until I heard the “Beyond Betrayal” podcast - and I have found a new hope, a new opportunity, a new view on the “new drug”... I am so grateful for your podcast and look forward to Tuesday’s when you guys share a new topic!! Thank you MAW
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Soul Food
I found your podcast a couple months into COVID & binged your entire library throughout the summer while on walks.... because physical movement also moves emotions. 😉 After years & years of trickled discoveries, 2 major D-days, years of avoiding to remain the “good wife” & being focused on my husband’s recovery, your podcast gave me eyes for empathy, compassion & grace - both for myself & for my husband. Your honest & vulnerable approach to difficult topics keeps me engaged. Brannon’s expert insight is easy to understand. You’ve managed to put my feelings into words & helped to untangle the confusion inside my head. We’ve both learned & implemented so much from this podcast. I’m so grateful! Our family is in a much healthier place thanks to your resources ..... & that, is so good for the soul!
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So Incredibly Grateful
I have been married for 21 years. I have had several discoveries through our marriage. Before the last discovery something felt really wrong In my gut, I searched for podcasts on betrayal on a whim and found you. Three days later was D day. It was clearly a gift from God that I found you right before D day. Your podcast helped sustain me through these past two years. I’m so incredibly grateful for you both sharing your truth providing hope and creating programs to help others move I to healing. I have found courage to face my truth and change myself through this. My words can never express how grateful I am for this podcast! Thank you!
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Misters Wife
So much hope
The information, knowledge, and experiences you share are priceless. You give so much hope to a group of people that feel lost, alone, and stuck. Thank you thank you thank you for your transparency and effort to share with the rest of us. You do amazing work. 💕
I can’t even begin to describe what light this podcast brought to my marriage. It helped my husband SO MUCH and myself SO MUCH. And then together we grew. And we learned things early on in our marriage so we could learn them NOW. Why wait to get help and guidance. It’s hard either way! My husband and I are so grateful for these 3 people 🤍🤍
Just wow
I stumbled onto this podcast just looking for anything about betrayal trauma and it has just made such a huge impact on my thinking and processing and coping. I discovered my husbands infidelity exactly a year ago today but his addiction to porn alcohol and drugs has been a constant presence in our marriage for 14 years. This podcast first helped me feel validation that I so badly needed just to move forward but since Ive started listening and sharing them with my husband and a close friend also dealing with similar problems, they’ve helped me to develop tools to communicate and to understand boundaries. It’s also opened up a whole world of resources for parenting and other relationships. It’s been such a gift just to know there are people out there who know and who understand and who have succeeded. I listen at work on my AirPods and I have to constantly stop myself from shouting out in agreement all the time 😂 Thank you for sharing your story and helping so many people!
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Amazing content
I have not experienced betrayal in my marriage, but I still find this content so relevant and helpful! They are real, funny, and so relatable. This podcast has really helped open conversation up with myself and improve my relationship with my spouse and myself!
Becca Coats 1
Marriage changing
I don’t know where we’d be without the relationship tools shared here. Ashlynn and Cony’s story, and this podcast has changed our life. Thank you!
Amazon ng
As someone with 5 years of recovery. Your take is eye opening. I’ve worked on many of the issues you speak about because it takes work. I wish my ex-wife could have a way to find a sense of recovery so her life can move forward and be better too.
Episode #120 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
New listener here! My partner and I are able to have great communication most of the time, but sometimes get in fights that are damaging to our relationship. I was searching to better understand passive-aggressive behavior/communication and found your podcast on it. Last night we listened together and it was transformative: we were able to finally understand the whole dynamic of passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive communication, and what it looks like to be vulnerable and assertive instead. Listening to your podcast cleared our mental confusion, took the fear out of our hearts and opened us up to a great conversation after! The lessons in it helped us understand our situation in a whole new light. We even shared a laugh at some of the things you guys were saying. The genuine forgiveness, intimacy and constructive conversation we were able to have after listening is priceless! Thank you a million times! We look forward to learning more from you guys.
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Safety is #1
Just wanted to note in episode 158 talking about why people divorce after sex and porn addiction. For me it was safety. Porn is a type of abuse and can put the partner in harms way. The number one goal for the betrayed spouse is to make sure they get back to safety and then they can work on healing. Thanks for what you are sharing:)
Thanks for the free content
I appreciate it enough to say so here
A much needed tool
This podcast is truly saving me right now. It’s coming to light that I’m pretty positive my husband has a compulsion to viewing porn (he’s still in denial despite much evidence to the contrary). A friend recommended this podcast and before now, I had never even heard of betrayal trauma. The show genuinely helps with the “crazy making” feeling I’m experiencing. It is helping me sort my feelings & confusion. We’ve just started therapy and I know that will take time so this show is keeping me grounded (and working on boundaries) in the meantime! Thank you so, so much for the honesty and insight and practical tools for dealing with these issues.
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I stumbled upon a recommendation in a group I belong to on Facebook for the betrayed and listened to 1 episode. I was hooked. About a week after listening to several of your episodes I introduced you guys to my husband. We recently got the Shattered to Thriving program. You guys have helped us so much. My marriage is a work in progress, but we would be lost without the 3 of you. You are amazing and thank you so much for what you do!
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Life Changes
I just want to thank you all for your vulnerability, knowledge and willingness to share it with the world. My husband and so have been married for 15 years this month. My husband has struggled with pornography and online activities our entire marriage and I found out if May this year that he had a 16 month affair with a co-worker and a few other one night stands completely unknown to me. For the first time ever my husband is in recovery and seeking information on sec addiction and I am no longer in denial on the severity of our situation. Your podcast has truly changed my life and my healing and I am so incredibly thankful for the resources at my disposal to learn to love myself, set boundaries and be the mom I want for my kids. With that note one topic I would love to hear on your podcast is how to talk to our children about pornography and healthy online activity. With social media so prevalent what is some advice and protecting our kids and how do we open the dialogue?? Also, topics on how to talk to my son specifically about honoring woman and protecting himself and help him not follow the same ex addictive behaviors as his father. Love you all and thank you for changing my life!!
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They have it figured out!
I have listened for years and love it! Listening helps ground me and makes me think. Last weeks episode was awesome and I need more about enmeshed relationships. It really helped me connect the dots and make new boundaries. We are currently living with my in-laws and my husband and his mom have an enmeshed relationship and it has been really hard. How do I not repeat this pattern with my own son?
A Huge Help In My Sobriety Journey
My wife and I have been separated for 18+ months. Verbal abuse, gas-lighting, and demands have all been bi-products of my sex addiction to pornography. She filed for divorce in January this year because she didn’t know what else to do. That was the rock bottom for me. SAA, church discipline, and therapy have been the primary occupants of my time in 2020. I’m walking in almost a year of sobriety and recovery; my attitude towards my wife’s pain has shifted immensely, and there is real hope for our future. She has paused the divorce process and we are both working through Betrayal Trauma recovery. Your podcast has been so relevant and helpful for perspective and sound advice. I can see that there’s such a potential for good on the other side of the pain. THANK YOU for the incredible content!
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Brand new listener and I’m impressed
I just found this podcast and have listened to my first 3 episodes. I am reeling from the episode of does my spouse have an unhealthy relationship with their family! I feel so seen and validated because I have the worst relationship with my MIL because of her enmeshment with my husband, her own mental illness and my own betrayal trauma and post partum recoveries no wonder we couldn’t get along! I feel like this podcast will help me along even further in healing the rift in my marriage because it’s been a 11+ year journey for me and my husband and I just want it to be good.
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Life Changing
I started listening to this podcast to get some perspective and to hear that there are other women out there who have betrayal trauma. I found so much more from listening! I have more understanding for the addict, more compassion to the addiction, and more serenity within myself. I love the blunt honesty from the hosts, and hearing how Ashlyn and Koby talk to each other (in such a loving way) gives me so much hope! The advice is so incredible. I can’t express enough my gratitude for this podcast, I recommend it to everyone I know that has been affected by betrayal trauma and sexual addiction. Love! Love! Love!
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Not ready to give up.
A friend told me about this podcast after my husband had an emotional affair which led to a weekend fling out of state. I decided I wasn’t ready to give up on our 18 yr marriage yet because he is an amazing husband when he isn’t lusting after other women on social media. It’s been 5 mo and we have been working on ourselves and listening to this podcast together and it has been amazing to know we are not alone in this journey. I am so happy to have found this podcast during the hardest time in my life. It really has made such a huge difference.
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Healing and Recovery from three perspectives
Well, technically Four, if the guest is included. This podcast has been so crucial in our relationship healing. You guys make it okay for us to be a work in progress, and encourage us to keep going every episode. We appreciate you. Big virtual hug!
Not even married
I love this podcast so much! I’m 19 years old and this is my favorite podcast to listen to. Though I am not married, so I have not gone through what some of you have. I do know what it’s like to have someone do something to hurt your feelings. I did not grow up in a house hold of healthy relationships and until this podcast I wasn’t sure how a relationship could function and how to strengthen one. After every episode I listen to, I find myself and my relationships to be stronger, better, and happier.
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Lexi Herzog
From crazy to sane
Thank you so much for this podcast. I literally thought I was going crazy because I didn’t know about betrayal trauma. I can’t even tell you how thankful I am for this info. Now I’m just going through the pain with out feeling crazy. Julie
the fisher/4Him
Seeking Hope
I highly recommend this podcast for anyone seeking hope and struggling with the pain of betrayal and the shame and sense of loss when facing addiction - and not only sexual addiction. Simply by showing up each week, C&A live by example the path to emerging from the desolate shame of broken relationship to the hope for something new and better. Their open and vulnerable conversations have not normalized betrayal and addiction for me, but rather have made it believable that there is a path back. They have provided tools, real and useful tools, to take care of my own stuff, “clean up my side of the street “ so to speak. They also have provided me a sense of not being alone. I am so grateful.
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Boundaries magnified!
I can’t thank you enough for your years of service to all of us in this journey of addiction and betrayal. I have learned so very much from you. The quote from Brannon “Healthy boundaries ruin bad relationships” was a mind blower for me today. I had to share it with the rest of my people. I share your podcast with as many people as I can. Thank you for inspiring me to receive specialized therapy and introducing me to EMDR. It is changing my life as a once betrayed woman. I am currently seeing one of Brannon’s co-workers, Taylor, for therapy and the combination of therapy, mindfulness, meditation, your podcast, etc is changing my life for the better. Thank you for helping me see past my husband’s recovery and focus on my own. Thank you for helping me see that this is a lifelong journey to better myself vs a “fix” and move on. I have learned how to be compassionate towards’ my addicted spouse AND with myself as we navigate this at times rocky road. I have hope and am seeing major changes in my life as a direct result of your wisdom and experience. THANK YOU! ♥️
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Extremely insightful
Every time I press play and hear the intro music I feel relaxed and ready to listen. Even when I don’t feel particularly like growing and stretching myself I never regret clicking that play button. Thank you all so much for your insight, not only for my journey as the one in recovery, but also the perspective it has helped me take on the betrayed’s journey as well.
The first thing that helped
Since finding out abt numerous affairs and porn addiction over the 20 years of our marriage 6 weeks ago, a friend sent me this link. Between meeting w a therapist not ready to handle this and advise from friends, this podcast was the first actual helpful info I received. It allowed me to slow down, learn and start to work proper steps. I know we have a long way to go, but w spouse also listening it has given us much to learn and discuss. Thank you for your honesty- which is helping us navigate a forward path to a healthier marriage.
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Hope giving!!
For the first time, I feel validated and hopeful. I thought I was crazy. I did not know why I was so angry or what to do to help our relationship. We are just beginning the journey to healing and recovery, and it looks overwhelming, but Coby and Ashlynn give me hope. I have binge listened to the podcast, crying my way through many of the episodes. So much great content. Keep up the good work!
A Lifeline for the Lonely
I have been listening for over a year now. Before coming across this trio, I felt so lost and alone. I bawled through the entire first episode- someone understood what I couldn’t put to words and I learned there’s an entire community out there to lean on. I particularly like the guest speakers as they have introduced me to new avenues for light. So many things shared on this podcast resonate in truth. I share episodes with people (many who are not facing addiction) every chance I get. I am finding my voice, and maybe for the first time as an adult, finding myself. Thank you for giving me hope that things will somehow be ok. I don’t know what will happen in my marriage, but I’m starting to remember that I am worthy of respect, care and love. I will thank you always for rekindling that in me.
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Ran out of name ideas
Really great info. A must to listen to
This podcast has been so amazing in my life. Sometimes therapy can be overwhelming and you can get lost in the emotion of betrayal trauma and recovery. These episodes have been a way for me to wrap my head around bigger issues by making them bite sized and easily understood. They actually give action steps and recommend tools that you can use to help yourself along. It really is a great show.
Dubble yoo
Hope in the struggle!
I am so thankful for this podcast I found this when I was searching for any resources after my husband absolutely violated my trust for the last time on July 1st this year. I will never forget it, but this time it wasn’t just porn but with someone very close to me. Insult to injury! I knew this was much more than I could understand.We have been married 10 years and we have been separated now three times because of pornography it has defined our marriage, tarnished relationships friendships and much more. I have searched for help many times with failure people just didn’t understand so whenever I heard your story I knew there was some hope for me at least thank you for sharing your story, I have always felt very alone until now. I Will continue to listen to your podcast as I navigate through these tough times thank you for all you do....... it truly is the only thing giving me hope. My son will walk up and say “ mommy put on your message on the speaker so you will feel better”. So know you are doing amazing work! God Bless
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Addicted to this podcast.
My husband and I have been listening to this every free second we get and soaking up everything. It’s helped us dig out hard feelings, find hope, and put us on the right path. We are finding so much hope and healing. We still have a long road ahead of us but I am so grateful for the insights and information these three have provided. Thank you Ashlynn, Coby, and Brannon for your time and knowledge and your love and hope that we can feel through these podcasts.
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a gender thought
i love this podcast-i’ve taken so much as a person who has been a betrayer and have seen people i’ve hurt in a completely different light and have been able to connect with them and begin healing together. a snag in my ability to fully feel the weight of this podcast is the extremely gendered narrative and aspect of the “betrayed woman/man betrayer” and i find it extremely binary and therefore limiting- being a person who is trans/non binary, i identify different characteristics of each gender, and i think in terms of experience women are not always the “betrayed” and men are also capable of being betrayed and “victims” of betrayal-not to mention non binary or trans people not having a place to feel mirrored back in their experience. i use the “take what you like and leave the rest” approach and will continue to listen and recommend, but feel hesitation recommending to queer or non-binary people in my community because of the limiting language of the gendered roles in this podcast.
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neither one nor the other
Good recovery tool!
I came upon this podcast fairly shortly after our last D-day. It gave me so much hope to hear the recovery of the hosts in the healthy perspectives of Brannon. It was really helpful because I had been listening to a podcast about betrayal trauma that was causing me a lot of fear and anxiety about the future of our relationship, and this podcast helped me move past that and see that we could have a healthy future together.I have listened to many of the episodes and find good healthy perspectives throughout, and I’m thankful that this content exists. The one episode I would not recommend listening to is the one about dating and pornography. It is mentioned several times not to judge a guy on what he does with a small percentage of his day, but this actually completely negates what we know about the preoccupation and personality changes that a man experiences when he is fixated on this type of activity. So while the actual time itself may not be all that significant, the effects are. I think it would be better to caution a woman to get as much info as she is able regarding his use/consumption/addiction and then relevant recovery/safety standards, before she risks her future to someone engaging in this type of behavior.
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Opened doors for tons of knowledge!
I discovered your podcast about 4 years ago. And was so excited and shared it with my spouse who suffered with sex addiction. He wasn’t ready at time to acknowledge, accept and learn. So that was it until 3 years later he on his own, reaching his lowest, came back to this podcast. So many doors for knowledge and healing from listening to you! So many tools, resources are provided through your podcast, recovery program and instagram! So grateful for you three! Thanks for all the wealth of knowledge you share
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Sound fix?
There is a lot of feed back in the recording. I really want to listen but can’t handle the loud buzzing sound. Can you edit it out? Are there other feeds that you are on?
Roadmap for the Hardest Time of my Life
I learned a month ago that my husband of eleven years has been dealing with an addiction for our entire marriage. I am devastated and in my grief I’ve been struggling to find a road map for how to put one foot in front of the other. This podcast and related website have been truly lifesaving. A much needed light in the darkness of this mess. I have felt like I’m drowning but this resource has helped me find some type of footing. I am so thankful for all of you. Thank you for your honesty, empathy and insight. I have no idea what the future holds for my marriage but I’m determined to learn from this heartbreak even if it’s for me.
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A lifeline!
I was at my lowest point with my addict husband when I went to my knees one day and asked God to help me find just one couple that had came out on the other side of this war. After wiping my tears I turned on YouTube and found your podcast. I watched episodes for 10 hours straight! I felt like I finally wasn’t crazy . 11 years of struggling in our marriage , years of counseling , this podcast finally helped validate both of us! Coby with his vulnerability in his struggle , Ashlynn and her honesty and Brannon with just the right guidance has given us the tools to move forward . I don’t know how our story will go from here , but for the first time I feel like we have the right tools to get through this . Eternally greatful! Thank you guys for living life in front of us ❤️
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Anjel F
Thank you isn’t sufficient!
When I found this podcast 3 years ago it changed my life. I learned so much through the podcast—including learning how to find additional help for myself. I love Ashlynn, Coby, & Brannon. I’ve learned from them, felt upset with them at times (sorry about that, guys) and cried with them or just by myself. This is the place that I learned that I’m not crazy (I’m talking about you, betrayal trauma), but also how to work through my crap so I don’t act crazy. Thank you for opening your hearts, minds, and experiences to the world to help all of us dealing with this sh*%! Love y’all!
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So helpful
I just listened to your podcast on self betrayal. Wow, did it speak to me! I discovered that I was betraying myself by not speaking up in my relationship and with my partner. As I’ve practiced speaking up in my relationship, I’ve found that my partner respects me more and hears me better. This will absolutely strengthen our relationship as we navigate through recovery after infidelity. Thank you for talking about the hard stuff!
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Helped so much!
My husband and I will sometimes listen together. We will pause and discuss how we are feeling or how it relates to us and then continue listening. Sometimes we listen separately and discuss the episode when we are together at night. I love it both ways for different reasons. One thing I know for sure is that we discovered this podcast at the perfect moment in our lives when we needed it the most. I’m not sure how our communication would be without learning all we have from you 3! Thank you so much for being brave and sharing such personal aspects of your lives.
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I just found this podcast and I’ve already listen to a couple, but the episode that won me over the most was the episode on boundaries vs ultimatums. Truly one of the best discussions I’ve ever heard around that topic! Highly recommend.
A “lifesaving” podcast
We are just weeks out from discovering my husbands addiction. Finding help during COVID has been so terrifying, isolating and I felt like I was drowning as the betrayed. I happened across this podcast and it has helped more than I can express with words or stars. I suddenly felt like I wasn’t alone, and if Coby & Ashlynne could weather the storm, so could we. Brennan’s calm insight is invaluable. Every episode I feel more understood and validated and it has helped me respond in a more understanding way to his addiction. We are starting therapy but I feel like I already have advanced insight thanks to binging this podcast in almost every spare moment. Thank you so much for putting this out there for the “rest of us”
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Avenue for change
This podcast, and each of the individuals who so courageously share their story and advice, has in and of itself been such a positive light in a very confusing time. Also, because of this podcast, I have been guided to many MANY other amazing helpful resources that this group offers, as well as those their interview offer. Good mine of knowledge and resources that I can already see is helping me in my healing. Thank you thank you for all you do and have done to help make a difference for everyone.
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Amazing podcast!
Love how the combined and collective expertise of the hosts truly provide well-rounded and powerful healing guidance. Awesome job guys, loving it!! 👏🏻👏🏻
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