The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert
The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert
Ashlynn Mitchell, Brannon Patrick, Coby Mitchell
via Podcasts
Coby is a fraud and this whole model of recovery is flawed.
I enjoyed the podcast but knew from episode one that Coby was a fraud. I told my wife after episode one that Coby didn’t seem to own his faults. I took issue with episode 4 “what happens when the betrayed relapses?” As the sex addict in my relationship I have come to understand you cannot relapse when recovering from trauma. The betrayed partner “relapses” when they don’t feel safe. The fight or flight response is triggered when their intuition tells them they are not safe and could be hurt again. As the betrayer I realize this responsibility falls on me to create safety and trust. I feel like this puts blame on the betrayed and makes them feel crazy for have these feeling which are valid.
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don peringon
Not good in the end
Some good info within the first 200 episodes. But in the end they divorce and then they try to get you to subscribe to their new endeavors. No thanks. I don’t really respect Coby. He failed his wife and kids. I wish them the best. I think Ash grew so much and is in a way better place and you can see all the growth. The grow with coby show is a lot of ramble. Not a lot of substance.
Picking and Choosing honesty
“Boundaries” exist and are important. But when you build a business and following based off of extreme honesty then those boundaries begin to encompass those you’ve included in your journey. It’s clear what’s happened here and it’s also clear that Cory is the one to make this decision for everyone else. My heart breaks for Ashlynn but ultimately she’s better off and my hope is that this decision from Cory came from that acknowledgment but I doubt it …
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Betrayed & Triggered
My husband and I have been listening to this podcast for a few months and found parts of it helpful. But with the latest episode we are extremely disappointed! Of course people want privacy but when this podcast came out you chose to share the details of your relationship with everyone listening. I originally admired that and was hopeful to get to a point to do the same. And yet as you now use the excuse of “the need for privacy” it undoes everything you’ve been teaching. It’s difficult to believe the story you’ve told when so much does not add up in the past few months. The fact that you’ve decided to now need privacy suggests that you are ashamed of the reasoning for the divorce. This again makes me question the sincerity of the message you claim to teach. “Uncoupling” is divorce-don’t try to sugar coat it.
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Cony Mitchell: triggering betrayal trauma
Triggering thousands of people and destroying hope all over the world! Wow… You do this announcement about “uncoupling” whatever that is…then 2 days later send a Venmo request for your recovery small group???? Jerk… arrogant jerk. Her face and body language said it all in the video they released. He cried those big fake tears and she sat there tall and dignified but in PAIN. If you know.. you know. Ashlynn should do a podcast alone about being given no choice in “uncoupling” and doing YOUR PART (eh hem Coby) of the hard work. I’m no psychiatrist but this guy is a narcissist. He “led” small group for 2 hours one week and talked about himself the whole entire time. This was a week before the announcement and everyone in those groups knew something was wonky.
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Sounded like sound stuff at first but....
First, having done a lot of recovery work in the area of co-dependency myself, it was good to have a fresh voice in Ashlyn with the trauma betrayal piece. And it is clear she has done some work. However, Coby is a piece of work, talks like he gets it, but in the end it didn’t matter and he didn’t get it, add this one to the broken marriages pile of marriage podcasts.
Feeling “Betrayed, betrayed & betrayed”
After listening to the “Divorce Episode” I feel “Betrayed, betrayed and betrayed.” I disagree Brannon that this episode doesn’t discount all the good information that has been shared in the other 199 episodes. Unfortunately, for me it taints the entire podcast. Many of the comments during this episode were like trying to put lipstick on a pig and talk about how beautiful the new makeover looks. You can call it a pretty name like “uncoupling” if it makes you feel better. What is most frustrating for me is that Coby gave no reason for making this decision. If you’ve spent the past 199 episodes being rigorously honest about recovery, then what’s stopping you now from at least having the courtesy of helping your audience understand this. You gave all the not” reasons for this decision. What I heard from Coby was a confused man, who is believing a lie that this decision will lead to greater happiness. I can’t help but also wonder if this is a case study for how it can become very unhealthy to have your life too much in the public eye. I apologize that most of my comments are coming from a place of judgement, but right now I am feeling frustrated and betrayed.
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Grateful Brother
Gaslighting Anthology Podcast
This podcast is horrible. And I listened to most episodes. In the back of my mind, I ALWAYS felt the husband was a fraud and disingenuous, frolicking in the fields of the popularity he gained by cheating on his wife. Twice. (At least) But I kept thinking, man they keep coming back together, maybe he’s just not great on a microphone? But then the last episode... This dude has the audacity to choose to divorce his wife and abandon his daughters and cry about it. And they left that take after editing. So. Gross. AFTER editing, they chose to leave this in - Here’s the quote and all you need to hear from this man, he says it through blabbering tears, “My hope is that everyone will -feel the earnestness- and the emotion and the vulnerability as evidence that this is real, both recovery and it’s many skills and functions...” LAUGH OUT LOUD. When someone tells you, “I hope you feel the earnestness,” you can bet two bucks and a bag of skittles they are anything but earnest. May the peace of God finally rest on Ashlynn and her daughters. May God grant that this man repent in TRUE earnestness and sincerity or be forever tormented by his self deception.
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Our most helpful resource in a dark time
We found this podcast at exactly the right moment, it was essential for making sense of what we were both going through and I will be forever grateful for your wisdom and bravery in sharing your story. It sounds like this may have come at a cost to you, which is unfortunate. As a therapist, I have recommended it to many clients and will continue to do so. As a betrayed spouse, I won’t lie...I’ve rolled my eyes at Coby many times in moments when I struggled to access my compassion. When he calls himself a d-bag, I’ve nodded emphatically in agreement :) The news about the divorce was a surprise but not troubling; these things happen and as much as we know about the story, we don’t know all of it. As a listener/spouse, the only thing I’m struggling with was “traumatizing Ashlynn and daughters” with HOW the news was delivered. This is a big ‘cliffhanger’ that left me with a lot of uncertainty. I can accept the fact that some couples find recovery and still don’t stay together. And the thought of Coby making a unilateral decision like this and delivering the news in some unideal way despite having endless resources to minimize the damage, I guess I’m left not knowing how to feel about him or the show. And that’s ok, sitting with ambiguity is a skill I’ve developed over time. But it definitely replicated the excruciating confusion all betrayed partners are familiar with...what exactly am I healing from/what is this person capable of? Can I trust them/myself? Are they REALLY in recovery? If this had been a “full disclosure” with the audience, this is a detail I would have wanted. Best wishes to all!
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She’s lucky it’s ended this way
I hear no remorse from this guy. He is saying what he has to say to not seem like a bad guy. Typical narcissist. He has traumatized this woman and now gets to move on and start up with someone else who he doesn’t have to be accountable to. Men like this do not leave unless someone else is waiting in the wings. Ashlyn. Be mad and own It. you deserve to be mad. This last episode is textbook gaslighting.
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Good information
This podcast is great to understand what people go through in betrayal, and to learn from the expert, but it’s so clear that Coby has not done the same work as Ashlynn. From her disclosing awhile ago that annually he would tell her he didn’t love her anymore, to him suddenly asking for a divorce? He strikes me as someone going through the motions, and perhaps even doing that really well, but lacking the true self awareness that comes from genuine long-term recovery. Ashlynn on the other hand has seemed to find herself and grown stronger through difficult challenges, pain, and trauma. Listen for the expert and betrayed.
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You couldn’t ever escape the betraying her
You lived this since this happened. You will be free now. I love that you will no longer live under this betrayer name. I’ve been thru betrayal from my husband and I could never make him live that each day. Bless you for doing that as long as you did.
Disappointed - you call divorce out of nowhere recovery?
I was really disappointed today to hear this announcement from Coby. I am a recovering addict who has turned to this podcast for a lot of guidance and help. I personally feel betrayed that these people I have followed as role models of recovery and healing grief are throwing in the towel after so much hard work. I can’t see how a man who claims he is in recovery and who is connected could file for divorce out of nowhere. Obviously he hasn’t been honest with Ashlynn or his therapists or recovery groups (if he has anyone he still gets support from). Who is he talking to that says “yeah, you’re in solid recovery, time to file for divorce”?? Feeling really upset, and am questioning the advice he has given on here. Ashlynn, my wife and I feel heart broken for you to have been betrayed yet again.
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Heart broken for your family❤️
I gave this podcast 5 starts because the content is soooo good. My husband and I have been listening to you guys for over a year and even though it was so tough to hear the news of your divorce I still love all the great content you guys have shared with us. Ashlyn and Coby have inspired me to push forward even in the toughest times in our marriage. I’m so sad that Coby chose to go a different route. Ashlynn my heart is broken for you and the girls. Thank you for showing us that even when faced with trials that seem bigger than us, we can always choose to push forward and grow. Prayers for your family💕
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ready 2 move forward
Episode 200
The last thing I want to hear is a sex addict crying. And the very last thing I ever want to hear is that he is crying because he has decided to divorce the woman who stuck by his side and in his words “in a traumatic way” no less. Really just shows me that it’s not worth it to stay.
Thank you for the practical advice!!!
This is really helping me understand more about my addiction - but more than that, how my wife (the betrayed) feels. Thank you for sharing your story!
Jered M.
Heavy Heart
I cried so hard through the entire pod cast last night. This thing we call life is so difficult. I want to thank you for being so so so real. God knows. & will guide you & continue to give you the strength to keep going in your own individual journeys and as a family with your precious girls. I, too, am in the process of divorce, but it’s not as beautiful or mutually respected as this. I will not be friends with my ex-husband because the abuse never stopped, he remained stuck. I’m just thankful that I decided to step into the storm (& believe me it’s still storming DAILY) because I’ve never realized my worth and how I could handle feelings, triggers, etc! God is good. Thank you. For all you are: strong, beautiful, humble, real!
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My life
Ashlyn and Colby! You're more public than I am bud I would love to converse with both of you!! My life so mirrors yours and I don't judge or blame either of you!! I understand Colby taking the blame and guilt!! I absolutely understand and feel your pain!! Both sides of it!! I would like to converse with both of you!! I'm going thru the same emotions and need some help!! I'm the best person I've ever been!! I'm not the person she sees me as!! I'm not ready to go to that step but want help!! I need both perspectives!!
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mike big lar
Sad for Ashlyn and her daughters.
Sad Coby just wants a divorce now after all he put Ashlyn through. I’m sorry to hear this news today. He often called himself a do$&h on the podcast. Seems like a good fit.
Coby recovered from sexual addiction but not from selfishness
There is a lot of truth in this podcast that is good and true and worth listening to to help your own recovery journey with your loved one. Nothing comes out abruptly if open and honest communication was part of the process. So there was still a lack of honesty for the divorce announcement to have come “out of nowhere”
Addiction to Jail
Just have to say thank you! My husband has been in jail for the past 18m awaiting sentencing. Unknown to me, he was struggling with an sexual addiction that lead him down a pretty sad path. I am doing my recovery work and believe this time will help propel him to where he has always wanted to be. Fully known and fully loved. Anyways, in the meantime, your podcast has been essential to my recovery. I spend hours each week listening and implementing your teachings and experience into my life. When my husband can finally listen, I know it will be a lifeline in addiction to recovery and counseling work. I just wanted to say a huge thank you for being here with me, when I am alone in this recovery process for now. It has strengthened me and prepared me for the next stage of our journey. Thank you so much!
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A critical resource for relational recovery work
I’m a recovering addict, and my wife and I listen to this podcast so much that we affectionately call it “Bae” now for short. My D-day was 8.5 months ago and we found this podcast together about 5 months in. We were both struck by how real and practical the advice is, and how relevant every episode seems to be to our circumstances. It’s such a resource to me that my first thought when I encounter a new hard thing in the healing journey is, “I bet Bae has an episode about this.” They always do. Ashlynn and Coby feel like old friends, and I’m confident I’m not the only listener who feels that way. I pray for them often, and am so thankful for the gift of time and dedication they bring to this podcast. For any couple in recovery, this is a must-have in your arsenal of resources!
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Wish I found this sooner
I have been a loyal listener for about a year. I’m so grateful to Ashlyn and Coby being so authentic. It helps me make connections from their real stories and real struggles that I don’t think I would if everything stayed in the realm of theory. Their real life examples demonstrate how recovery is a process but one worth the endeavor. I’m seeing a therapist now that uses Internal Family Systems (IFS) as a trauma technique. I love the results it has given me but I would love Brannon’s insights on that technique vs EMDR and ART. I heard the episode where they discussed EMDR and ART but I would love to know his thoughts on IFS Thanks for living your story publicly it helps loyal listeners like me to grow along beside you
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Wise Counsel!
My husband and I have been married 13 years. Early on in our marriage was the first discovery of his Porn Addiction. I suffered betrayal trauma for many years. I didn’t know where to turn or who to tell. I protected his dirty secret out of shame. He sought help through a “weekend program” and attended a men’s group from church that only dealt with general issues. Needless to say...That’s not enough! Fast forward to 2020 He relapsed again and this time I reached out for professional help for the both of us. In addition, coincidentally, I found your Podcast! Life Changing! Hearing a voice from the addicted man’s perspective has changed my heart. I am more understanding. Thank you for your efforts in helping others find healing & safety in a relationship that has been damaged by betrayal. KC
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So helpful!
This podcast has been a staple in my recovery journey. This trio has such a dynamic approach to all things betrayal recovery - the coverage of topics is balanced which can be hard to find. Thank you for doing what you do!
Priceless information and gives me hope
I’ve been listening since nearly the beginning of this podcast. I’m at a beer different place in like now than when I started but continue to listen because the information is valuable for anyone that’s trying to better them self. Thank you!
A New Hope
I discovered this podcast in fall of 2019 after I had discovered a second affair in my marriage .... my spouse and I both had been working recoveries in other programs over the last 20 yrs- )I honestly thought I was done, I couldn’t work through another affair much less work another recovery program on top on Al- ANON- Until I heard the “Beyond Betrayal” podcast - and I have found a new hope, a new opportunity, a new view on the “new drug”... I am so grateful for your podcast and look forward to Tuesday’s when you guys share a new topic!! Thank you MAW
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Soul Food
I found your podcast a couple months into COVID & binged your entire library throughout the summer while on walks.... because physical movement also moves emotions. 😉 After years & years of trickled discoveries, 2 major D-days, years of avoiding to remain the “good wife” & being focused on my husband’s recovery, your podcast gave me eyes for empathy, compassion & grace - both for myself & for my husband. Your honest & vulnerable approach to difficult topics keeps me engaged. Brannon’s expert insight is easy to understand. You’ve managed to put my feelings into words & helped to untangle the confusion inside my head. We’ve both learned & implemented so much from this podcast. I’m so grateful! Our family is in a much healthier place thanks to your resources ..... & that, is so good for the soul!
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So Incredibly Grateful
I have been married for 21 years. I have had several discoveries through our marriage. Before the last discovery something felt really wrong In my gut, I searched for podcasts on betrayal on a whim and found you. Three days later was D day. It was clearly a gift from God that I found you right before D day. Your podcast helped sustain me through these past two years. I’m so incredibly grateful for you both sharing your truth providing hope and creating programs to help others move I to healing. I have found courage to face my truth and change myself through this. My words can never express how grateful I am for this podcast! Thank you!
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Misters Wife
So much hope
The information, knowledge, and experiences you share are priceless. You give so much hope to a group of people that feel lost, alone, and stuck. Thank you thank you thank you for your transparency and effort to share with the rest of us. You do amazing work. 💕
I can’t even begin to describe what light this podcast brought to my marriage. It helped my husband SO MUCH and myself SO MUCH. And then together we grew. And we learned things early on in our marriage so we could learn them NOW. Why wait to get help and guidance. It’s hard either way! My husband and I are so grateful for these 3 people 🤍🤍
Just wow
I stumbled onto this podcast just looking for anything about betrayal trauma and it has just made such a huge impact on my thinking and processing and coping. I discovered my husbands infidelity exactly a year ago today but his addiction to porn alcohol and drugs has been a constant presence in our marriage for 14 years. This podcast first helped me feel validation that I so badly needed just to move forward but since Ive started listening and sharing them with my husband and a close friend also dealing with similar problems, they’ve helped me to develop tools to communicate and to understand boundaries. It’s also opened up a whole world of resources for parenting and other relationships. It’s been such a gift just to know there are people out there who know and who understand and who have succeeded. I listen at work on my AirPods and I have to constantly stop myself from shouting out in agreement all the time 😂 Thank you for sharing your story and helping so many people!
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Amazing content
I have not experienced betrayal in my marriage, but I still find this content so relevant and helpful! They are real, funny, and so relatable. This podcast has really helped open conversation up with myself and improve my relationship with my spouse and myself!
Becca Coats 1
Marriage changing
I don’t know where we’d be without the relationship tools shared here. Ashlynn and Cony’s story, and this podcast has changed our life. Thank you!
Amazon ng
As someone with 5 years of recovery. Your take is eye opening. I’ve worked on many of the issues you speak about because it takes work. I wish my ex-wife could have a way to find a sense of recovery so her life can move forward and be better too.
Episode #120 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
New listener here! My partner and I are able to have great communication most of the time, but sometimes get in fights that are damaging to our relationship. I was searching to better understand passive-aggressive behavior/communication and found your podcast on it. Last night we listened together and it was transformative: we were able to finally understand the whole dynamic of passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive communication, and what it looks like to be vulnerable and assertive instead. Listening to your podcast cleared our mental confusion, took the fear out of our hearts and opened us up to a great conversation after! The lessons in it helped us understand our situation in a whole new light. We even shared a laugh at some of the things you guys were saying. The genuine forgiveness, intimacy and constructive conversation we were able to have after listening is priceless! Thank you a million times! We look forward to learning more from you guys.
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Safety is #1
Just wanted to note in episode 158 talking about why people divorce after sex and porn addiction. For me it was safety. Porn is a type of abuse and can put the partner in harms way. The number one goal for the betrayed spouse is to make sure they get back to safety and then they can work on healing. Thanks for what you are sharing:)
Thanks for the free content
I appreciate it enough to say so here
A much needed tool
This podcast is truly saving me right now. It’s coming to light that I’m pretty positive my husband has a compulsion to viewing porn (he’s still in denial despite much evidence to the contrary). A friend recommended this podcast and before now, I had never even heard of betrayal trauma. The show genuinely helps with the “crazy making” feeling I’m experiencing. It is helping me sort my feelings & confusion. We’ve just started therapy and I know that will take time so this show is keeping me grounded (and working on boundaries) in the meantime! Thank you so, so much for the honesty and insight and practical tools for dealing with these issues.
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I stumbled upon a recommendation in a group I belong to on Facebook for the betrayed and listened to 1 episode. I was hooked. About a week after listening to several of your episodes I introduced you guys to my husband. We recently got the Shattered to Thriving program. You guys have helped us so much. My marriage is a work in progress, but we would be lost without the 3 of you. You are amazing and thank you so much for what you do!
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Life Changes
I just want to thank you all for your vulnerability, knowledge and willingness to share it with the world. My husband and so have been married for 15 years this month. My husband has struggled with pornography and online activities our entire marriage and I found out if May this year that he had a 16 month affair with a co-worker and a few other one night stands completely unknown to me. For the first time ever my husband is in recovery and seeking information on sec addiction and I am no longer in denial on the severity of our situation. Your podcast has truly changed my life and my healing and I am so incredibly thankful for the resources at my disposal to learn to love myself, set boundaries and be the mom I want for my kids. With that note one topic I would love to hear on your podcast is how to talk to our children about pornography and healthy online activity. With social media so prevalent what is some advice and protecting our kids and how do we open the dialogue?? Also, topics on how to talk to my son specifically about honoring woman and protecting himself and help him not follow the same ex addictive behaviors as his father. Love you all and thank you for changing my life!!
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They have it figured out!
I have listened for years and love it! Listening helps ground me and makes me think. Last weeks episode was awesome and I need more about enmeshed relationships. It really helped me connect the dots and make new boundaries. We are currently living with my in-laws and my husband and his mom have an enmeshed relationship and it has been really hard. How do I not repeat this pattern with my own son?
A Huge Help In My Sobriety Journey
My wife and I have been separated for 18+ months. Verbal abuse, gas-lighting, and demands have all been bi-products of my sex addiction to pornography. She filed for divorce in January this year because she didn’t know what else to do. That was the rock bottom for me. SAA, church discipline, and therapy have been the primary occupants of my time in 2020. I’m walking in almost a year of sobriety and recovery; my attitude towards my wife’s pain has shifted immensely, and there is real hope for our future. She has paused the divorce process and we are both working through Betrayal Trauma recovery. Your podcast has been so relevant and helpful for perspective and sound advice. I can see that there’s such a potential for good on the other side of the pain. THANK YOU for the incredible content!
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Brand new listener and I’m impressed
I just found this podcast and have listened to my first 3 episodes. I am reeling from the episode of does my spouse have an unhealthy relationship with their family! I feel so seen and validated because I have the worst relationship with my MIL because of her enmeshment with my husband, her own mental illness and my own betrayal trauma and post partum recoveries no wonder we couldn’t get along! I feel like this podcast will help me along even further in healing the rift in my marriage because it’s been a 11+ year journey for me and my husband and I just want it to be good.
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Life Changing
I started listening to this podcast to get some perspective and to hear that there are other women out there who have betrayal trauma. I found so much more from listening! I have more understanding for the addict, more compassion to the addiction, and more serenity within myself. I love the blunt honesty from the hosts, and hearing how Ashlyn and Koby talk to each other (in such a loving way) gives me so much hope! The advice is so incredible. I can’t express enough my gratitude for this podcast, I recommend it to everyone I know that has been affected by betrayal trauma and sexual addiction. Love! Love! Love!
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Not ready to give up.
A friend told me about this podcast after my husband had an emotional affair which led to a weekend fling out of state. I decided I wasn’t ready to give up on our 18 yr marriage yet because he is an amazing husband when he isn’t lusting after other women on social media. It’s been 5 mo and we have been working on ourselves and listening to this podcast together and it has been amazing to know we are not alone in this journey. I am so happy to have found this podcast during the hardest time in my life. It really has made such a huge difference.
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Healing and Recovery from three perspectives
Well, technically Four, if the guest is included. This podcast has been so crucial in our relationship healing. You guys make it okay for us to be a work in progress, and encourage us to keep going every episode. We appreciate you. Big virtual hug!
Not even married
I love this podcast so much! I’m 19 years old and this is my favorite podcast to listen to. Though I am not married, so I have not gone through what some of you have. I do know what it’s like to have someone do something to hurt your feelings. I did not grow up in a house hold of healthy relationships and until this podcast I wasn’t sure how a relationship could function and how to strengthen one. After every episode I listen to, I find myself and my relationships to be stronger, better, and happier.
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Lexi Herzog
From crazy to sane
Thank you so much for this podcast. I literally thought I was going crazy because I didn’t know about betrayal trauma. I can’t even tell you how thankful I am for this info. Now I’m just going through the pain with out feeling crazy. Julie
the fisher/4Him
Seeking Hope
I highly recommend this podcast for anyone seeking hope and struggling with the pain of betrayal and the shame and sense of loss when facing addiction - and not only sexual addiction. Simply by showing up each week, C&A live by example the path to emerging from the desolate shame of broken relationship to the hope for something new and better. Their open and vulnerable conversations have not normalized betrayal and addiction for me, but rather have made it believable that there is a path back. They have provided tools, real and useful tools, to take care of my own stuff, “clean up my side of the street “ so to speak. They also have provided me a sense of not being alone. I am so grateful.
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