It's not the crime, it's the cover up. This week we shine a light on the true story behind the Watergate scandal. Or you know, what the story would be like if it were up to us. Here's a hint: Nixon is a giant cockroach who is also made of cockroaches and has sex with cockroaches. There's also plenty of celebrity teen assassins and references to controversial pornography. If you're going to challenge the official story, be sure to corroborate your sources. We have three.

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to Carl Bernstein, for being an adorable British bear, and also for his journalistic integrity.