Mama Sanchez opens up about the guilt she has carried with being the parent of a child who stutters, including feeling responsible for David’s stutter and at times helpless in how to support him. David shares the “Clinical Characteristics Associated with Persistence” (from The Stuttering Foundation) and explains the likelihood of lifelong stuttering. Also, David presents a “Word Switch” segment about why people who stutter need to quit saying “sorry” after a moment of stuttering, and he challenges Mama Sanchez to a game of “2 Truths and a Lie” about funny personal experiences with stuttering.

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WORD SWITCH - STOP SAYING “SORRY” AFTER STUTTERING

We are going to stay somewhat on theme with today's show, but take a slight turn. Instead of talking about parental guilt, we are going to talk about the guilt that a person who stutters might feel. Specifically, I want to talk about saying “sorry” after you stutter. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it usually looks something like, “Hey I would like to order a ch-ch-ch...sorry...a cheeseburger.”

Guys. YOU HAVE TO STOP SAYING SORRY AFTER YOU STUTTER. Maybe you mean to say it; maybe you don't. Regardless, there seems to be something in our nature that wants us to compulsively say "sorry" after we stutter. I am aware of the problem, yet I still find it slip out between my lips sometimes before I can bite down and stop it in its tracks. After all, what exactly am I apologizing for? 

My guess is that I feel embarrassed, and saying "I'm sorry" is my way of acknowledging my embarrassment. Then again, it's ok to feel embarrassed. Do I want to feel embarrassed? No, but that's how I feel sometimes, and it's important for me to acknowledge that in my head. What I am not, however, is sorry. What do I have to be sorry for? For having a stutter? I didn't choose to stutter. For having a voice and something to say? I believe everyone has a voice that is intrinsically valuable. Am I apologizing for taking up more of their time? Is anyone's time really that valuable that they can't spare a few seconds to listen to someone who presumably has something valuable enough to say that they are willing to go through with the trouble of stuttering to say it? Am I sorry for maybe making my conversation partner feel awkward about listening to someone who stutters? I have talked to plenty of people who aren’t awkward around people who stutter, and so if this particular conversation partner is feeling awkward, well, that‘s a ‘them’ problem that I refuse to make a ‘me’ problem. What am I sorry for? 

I have nothing to be sorry for when I stutter. You have nothing to be sorry for when you stutter. Your voice is important. Your voice is no more or less valuable than anyone else's. Stuttering is not bad. It is different, and takes you a little longer to say what you want to say. 

Not only should we not say sorry because we have nothing to be sorry for, but saying sorry actually does harm. By apologizing for our stutter, we are communicating to our listener and ourselves that stuttering is something that is bad. If you currently feel like stuttering is bad, but you want to change that belief and increase your self-esteem, then stop saying sorry. You'll be amazed at how just by making this word switch and eliminating "sorry" from your automatic responses, your thoughts and beliefs about stuttering will change. 

Now, if we eliminate this word, "sorry," from our automatic responses to stuttering, we need to find a replacement. After all, we as people do have automatic responses to feelings of embarrassment and shame, so we better have something ready to say when our mouth decides to reach into our automatic response folder in our brain and throw something out there. 

What could we put in that folder that would be a better replacement? Well, one thing you could try is saying something to yourself in your head. It could be something like silently telling yourself in your head "it's ok to stutter." If you want something that you could say out loud, you could try saying something like, "one second" or "give a moment." These statements simply speak to the time pressure you may have been feeling without passing any judgement on your stutter itself. 

Now, as I said earlier, even if you decide that you are going to stop saying "sorry," guess what…. There will be times that you say "sorry" for stuttering. It will slip. But you know what you should do when that happens? Have some prepared forgiveness for yourself. It's really ok to stutter, and it’s really ok to mess up. After all, chances are you are gonna stutter again and have more opportunities to NOT say sorry. That is today’s word switch.

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DAVID’S “2 TRUTHS AND A LIE”

• I told the Jamba Juice barista that my name was “Carlos” so I could avoid saying my real name. My friends then walked into the store and heard the barista call me “Carlos” when my order was ready.
• I used to have a secondary characteristic that included saying “um” before saying my name. At a prospective student day at Northwestern University, I made a friend who thought my name was “Um-David.”
• I once had a strong moment of stuttering at a bar that resulted in me receiving a free drink. I returned to that same bar with a friend, and I bet him $10 that I could get a free drink if I stuttered enough. It worked, and I got a free drink AND my friend’s $10.

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