Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa
Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 5 - Get This Lady Away From My Grey-Ace Crossbowsexual
Square Roots - Episode 399 Uh oh, it seems like something has turned Johnny into beserker mode, where he's all fists and elbows. And that is Bianca. Johnny goes red-pill in the face of destroyed head canon in this terrifying episode of Square Roots as we drink from the Well of Sorrows. Also: - Could You Sing That Like Dio? - Ghosts Have Birthdays - King Shark, Doo-doo-de-doo-doo - Jim's Secret Fruit Roll-Ups Stash - A Don Knotts Moment - Our Pitch for Frankenmommy This Week: What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions) Next Week:  We Finish the Main Story Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Feb 5
2 hr 34 min
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 4 - Taking Two Barbie Dolls And Smushing Their Faces Together
Square Roots - Episode 398 There's mystery afoot as Johnny, Matthew and eventually Vanessa battle some possessed Wardens and fall into the Fade on this magical chunker of Dragon Age: Inquisition. Plus a battering ram shaped like a fist!  Also: - Abblegation - Too Good Of A Singer - Countess Undercut - Who Is Celine Dion - 100% Nude Cullen Unlocked This Week: Here Lies the Abyss Next Week:  What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions) Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Jan 29
2 hr 46 min
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 3 - #YouGotGazooed
Square Roots - Episode 397 Finally we close the breach, and everything is perfect. Except that that dang ol' Corypheus has to go and ruin it all with a demon dragon and one of two possible henchpeople. Meanwhile Jim decides to start the internet hashtag goof of the decade! Also: - Just arctic  - Jodie Pasta and Jane Fondue - Talking in hushed whispers - Far dragon age future is mass effect  - Oil of Orlais - I'm with Crypheus - Random references to people in Canada  - The Slow Clap Song This Week: Complete Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts. Next Week:  Here Lies the Abyss Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Jan 22
2 hr 43 min
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 2 - You're Missing Out On Voice Number 2
Square Roots - Episode 396 It's a PATRIOTS ONLY podcast. Our three hosts are RED, WHITE and BLUE. And these colours aren't busy at work. On this AMERICANS ONLY episode of Square Roots the fierce flag smoochers talk about what's up with the Templars mission Champions of the Just and recruit Vivienne, Iron Bull, Blackwall and Vanessa's nemesis Sera. Also: - Bronnie Jandon Is Always Ready For A Kiss - The Merits of Showing Hole - A Pooltergeist - Have You Tried Equipping A Better Weapon? - Half of Earth Is France This Week: Recruit Sera, Vivianne, Blackwall, and Iron Bull plus complete either the Mages or the Templar’s quest (In Hushed Whispers or Champions of the Just) Next Week:  Complete Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Jan 15
1 hr 39 min
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 1 - Fresh from the Phylactory
Square Roots - Episode 395 You've got to hand it to the Herald: their hand certainly is glowy, and has superpowers too! In this gripping first chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age: Inquisition we close gates to the fade, meet a horse man, stare at chest hair, and leave the hinterlands as soon as Solas tells us to, because we wouldn't want to disappoint Vanessa's dream elf. Also: - Carol Vorderman's Math Skills - A Naturalist, Not a Naturist - How Many Games Make Your Mom Turn Into A Frankenstein? - Vanessa Makes A Terrible Declaration - A Freudian Digression This Week: We watch an old lady get punched in the face in Val Royeaux Next Week:  Recruit Sera, Vivianne, Blackwall, and Iron Bull plus complete either the Mages or the Templar’s quest (In Hushed Whispers or Champions of the Just) Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Jan 8
2 hr 19 min
Final Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes
Final Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes Square Roots - Episode 394 Don't you just love having legs? You can waggle them, you can crisscrossapplesauce them, they have leg hands! And we use our JRPG legs through all the long walks and long dungeons of this limb-filled Square Roots episode ending our Final Fantasy I season. Just two episodes? You better believe it. Also: - Advent Children Chose The Most Boring Option - Ouroboros Burgertime - His Name Is Tyler - Magical Canoe of Destiny - Special Apologies to Appalachia This Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Next Week:  Dragon Age Inquisition - End of Val Royeaux  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Jan 1
1 hr 48 min
Square Rooots Versus (An?) 8-Bit Christmas
Hello friends! It's The Holiday Wintertime Goodtime Week so we are off carousing, carolling, controlling and blu cantrelling, and not podcasting.  But that doesn't mean you can't have this fresh piece of Square Roots fruitcake from our archive! We watch the NPH 80s retro feature and give you our HOTTEST takes. Enjoy! This Week: We watch a movie! About video games! Next Week:  We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Dec 25, 2023
1 hr 3 min
Final Fantasy I Part 1 - I Would Never Use THAC0 In Public
Square Roots - Episode 393 Oh wow! This is the oldest RPG we've done for a season! But none of us were ready for the adorable sprites and price-gouging magic dealers of Final Fantasy I! Also: - The Brown Crystal - Paul Giamatti Kisses a Woman - Super Into Creed - The Manana Origins - Margot Robbie Could Go Into Anyone's House - The Opposite of Downtown Brown - A Walken Shower This Week: We defeat the Lich in Final Fantasy I! Next Week:  We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Dec 18, 2023
1 hr 50 min
Final Fantasy IV Part 5 - The Moon is For Boys
Square Roots - Episode 392 Even after his Retron5 deleted all his saves, Johnny and the rest of Square Roots Podcast really do finish Final Fantasy IV! There's some kind of whale on the moon, and some crystals I guess, and then the game decides to beat the last boss for you which was a bit of a shock. Also: - Zeromus, Zero Fuss - Vanessa Leisure - I Have Another Recipeh - Am I The Asshole For Watching This? - Sing the Song In Your Heart - Do Prayers Rhyme? - Do airships go up? - Sqwale? This Week: We finish Final Fantasy IV! Next Week:  We defeat the Lich in Final Fantasy I! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Dec 11, 2023
2 hr 25 min
Final Fantasy IV Part 4 - Everyone Loves a Penultimate Episode
Square Roots - Episode 391 Sadly Jim is missing on this party killing episode of Square Roots! So Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew finally get to visit a matriarchy, experience Rubicante's Sexy Leg Peek, and swap a few airships. Also: - Taskmaster VR - Scott Pilgrim Starring Mae West - Final Fantasy's Least Successful Party? - Bloodthirsty for Party Members - He Can Use Two Swords at the Same Time! This Week: We defeat the Demon Wall! Next Week:  We finish Final Fantasy IV! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Dec 4, 2023
1 hr 22 min
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