On this week's episode of Sense by Meg Faure we explore one of the most liberating truths in parenting science: rupture and repair. Meg is joined by guest co-host and Parent Sense COO Tove de Chazal Gant to unpack why getting it wrong is not the problem. What matters most is what happens next.

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

The pressure to stay calm and parent perfectly is built on a false foundation. Social media shows curated highlights, not real life. Misinformation from unqualified voices sets impossible standards. Meg is clear: no human parent consistently hits the gold standard, and that is not just okay. It is actually by design.

What Rupture Really Means

A rupture is simply a break in connection. It happens when you snap, when you cannot respond quickly enough, or when your attention is pulled elsewhere. Using Ed Tronick's Still Face Experiment, Meg explains what happens in a baby's nervous system in these moments and points out that understanding this is not meant to create guilt. It is meant to show why what comes next matters so much.

The Science of Repair

This is where the episode becomes truly transformative. Rupture and repair, experienced repeatedly, writes a neurological story for the child: relationships are safe, disconnection is temporary, and the person who loves me will always come back. This is actively building resilience, emotional intelligence, and the capacity for real relationships in adulthood.

The Four Steps of Effective Repair

Meg outlines a practical four-step process. First, come back: return your full presence through eye contact and touch. Second, name it: say sorry and give context. This models accountability and teaches children that ruptures can be repaired. Third, reconnect: reading a book or sitting together is enough. Fourth, do not over-apologise or over-explain. One sincere apology and a moment of warmth is all that is needed.

Why Perfect Parenting Harms Children

Children raised without rupture are underprepared for the real world. They struggle with peer conflict, frustration, and imperfect relationships. Donald Winnicott's "good enough parent" theory underpins this: getting it right 30% of the time and repairing the rest is genuinely sufficient for secure attachment and healthy development.

On Guilt

Guilt does not change behaviour. It simply causes suffering. Remorse that drives repair is healthy. Carrying guilt for years over moments long since healed is not. Feel it, repair it, and release it.

About Today's Guest Co-Host

Tove de Chazal Gant is an entrepreneur, COO of Parent Sense, and mother of three. Having navigated the NICU and raising a child with a rare genetic condition, she brings deep personal insight alongside business-scaling expertise. She also chairs Happy Heroes, a charity for children with additional needs. Connect with Tove: linkedin.com/in/tove-de-chazal-gant

Episode References and Links

📱 Parent Sense App — routines, nutrition, and expert advice from pregnancy onwards. Use code SENSE50 for 50% off: https://parentsense.app/

Connect with Meg Faure Web: megfaure.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/megfaure.sense/