Show notes
Kelley Jensen and Julianna Scott get personal about perfectionism — and it turns out both hosts scored high on the assessment. They unpack the difference between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism, why autistic kids are especially prone to perfectionist thinking, and how rigid standards and fear of failure can quietly fuel anxiety, burnout, and even disordered eating. From Tiger Moms to Snowplow parents, helicopter tendencies to procrastination, this episode covers the full landscape. They close with a practical to-do list for recovering perfectionists — parents and kids alike — anchored by the mantra: don't compare, don't compete.Key TakeawaysPerfectionism is not a diagnosis, but it can quickly become maladaptive — leading to anxiety, depression, and burnoutThere are two types: adaptive (high standards that drive healthy achievement) and maladaptive (unrealistic standards that lead to paralysis and shame)Procrastination is often rooted in perfectionism — if you can't do it perfectly, you put it offAutistic kids are especially prone to perfectionism due to black-and-white thinking, rigidity, and identity tied to performanceAdjusting expectations isn't the same as lowering them — "high standards" should be calibrated to what your child is actually capable ofSnowplow and lawnmower parenting removes obstacles but leaves kids unable to handle real-world failureAppearance perfectionism and socially prescribed standards are fueling disordered eating, particularly in girls on the spectrumParents can unintentionally reinforce perfectionism through excessive praise tied to performance outcomesThe "what if" exercise — following a worry all the way to its logical end — is a powerful tool for anxiety and perfectionist thinkingCore strategies: reframe failures as learning, model self-acceptance, set attainable goals, and embrace "good enough"Website: refrigeratormoms.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMomsRefrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments including SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Intelligent Neuromodulation Therapy) for treatment-resistant depression and major depressive disorder, as well as MeRT (Magnetic e-resonance therapy) for autistic people aged three or older. Learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com00:00 Welcome & Episode Intro00:28 "Perfection Is the Enemy of Progress"01:02 When Perfectionism Turns Maladaptive01:27 Perfectionism in Autism Parenting01:49 Taking the Perfectionism Assessments02:49 Frost Multidimensional Scale Overview03:11 Parental Approval & the Assessments04:11 Kelley's Results: Adaptive Perfectionism05:26 Julianna's Results: Maladaptive Patterns05:35 Ad Break: Brain Performance Technologies (MeRT)06:30 Julianna Scores — The Full Picture07:07 Procrastination as Perfectionism08:37 Autism Diagnosis & Letting Go of the Fantasy09:15 High Standards vs. Impossible Standards10:34 Rigidity, Control & Black-and-White Thinking11:42 Self-Oriented, Other-Oriented & Social Perfectionism13:18 Appearance Perfectionism & Disordered Eating14:52 Autism, Rigidity & Big Problem/Small Problem16:03 Identity, Achievement & Fear of Failure18:25 Kids Redoing Work & Recognizing the Signs21:19 Parenting Styles: Tiger, Lawnmower & Snowplow Moms22:27 Ad Break: Brain Performance Technologies (SAINT)23:42 What Would We Do? Practical Strategies25:38 Helping a Spouse Who Doesn't See Their Perfectionism28:08 The To-Do List for Recovering Perfectionists34:39 Resilience, Learned Helplessness & Wrap-Up35:22 Don't Compare, Don't Compete35:40 Closing & Five-Star Reminder