Parent With a Pro

In our last episode, we talked about coaching our kids through their big emotions. We also talked about how important it is to give our kids tools they can use to calm their own emotions instead of us trying to do that for them as parents. Therapist Jeff Tesch, LMFT has made that simple by creating a tool called "The Big 5". This is something like an emergency kit for when your kids are experiencing big emotions. This simple emotional tool kit will help them calm down from any big emotion. Bonus: it works for grown-ups, too! Listen here or on your favorite podcast app.

One of the struggles of parenting a strong-willed child is navigating their HUGE emotions all of the time!  Strong-willed kids seem to feel all that they feel in such extremes!  Their either extremely happy and sweet or extremely angry and upset. What is a parent to do? Jeff Tesch, LMFT teaches us exactly what a parent should do based off of decades of research by John Gottman.  Learn the ins and outs of emotional coaching in today's episode.  You'll be so glad you did! Listen here.

One of the things that can be most challenging about parenting a strong-willed child, is dealing with the way they treat you.  Strong-willed kids tend to be sassier, use more back talk, yell more frequently, and say unkind things than other kids.  Our strong-willed kids don't do this because they're mean, they do it out of an effort to get what they want.  But understanding that doesn't make it any easier to deal with it day in and day out. Today, we're going to give you a tool that will help your kids learn to treat you with more kindness and respect. What's great about this tool is that it can be used in ALL of your human relationships not just in your parent-child relationship. Happy Learning!

How do you truly feel about raising a strong-willed child?  Do you love it? Or do you find it incredibly frustrating?  Do you feel disappointed that you got a child that is SO different than the one you were hoping for?  Do you find yourself feeling like you're THAT parent, the one with the screaming child?  The one getting called by the school?  The one whose kid is picking on someone else and you just wish things were different? If so, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Last episode, we talked about thinking positive thoughts about your strong-willed child.  But what if you can't see anything positive?  What if they're behavior has gotten you into a trap of seeing only negative in them? That's what this episode is all about.  Parents and experts, Jeff and Laura Tesch, talk to us about how to change how we genuinely feel about raising a strong-willed child.  This episode was seriously so good for me and has helped me celebrate my strong-willed child instead of wish that I had an easy-going child.  I hope it helps you as well! Listen here.  Podcast summary coming soon.

I have not wanted to admit it, but I have developed the habit of thinking REALLY negative thoughts about my strong-willed child.  It happened over time.  With each melt-down, back-talk, tantrum, act of defiance, act of aggression, etc. I thought more and more negative things.  Eventually, I found that I really struggled to think anything positive about my strong-willed child and that broke my heart. This led me to meeting with Janet Cazier, LCSW who helps parents get into a more positive place when parenting a challenging child.  Today we talk about a powerful way to see the good in your child again and genuinely enjoy parenting them more.  I don't hesitate in saying that if you practice what she teaches, it will positively change your parenting experience big time. Please listen if you feel stuck in negative thoughts about your child at all and be sure to listen to the next episode as we will dive into this topic even more. Listen here.  Podcast summary coming soon.

In our last episode, we talked about some ways our strong-willed kids struggle socially and how to help them through that.  Today we continue the conversation to learn how to help them even more. Thanks again to one of our experts, Mike Fitch, CMHC  who specializes in helping kids develop social skills that will set them up for success. Listen here.  Podcast summary coming soon.

As parents, we all want our kids to succeed socially.  We want our kids to make good friends, keep good friends, and to be a good friend themselves.  We even want these things for our strong-willed kids.  However, strong-willed kids seem to struggle to get along with others, which can be so hard on you AND your child. Luckily, one of our experts, Mike Fitch, CMHC specializes in helping kids develop social skills that will set them up for success.  In this episode, you are going to learn specific social challenges that strong-willed kids have and how to work around those challenges.  Make sure to check out part two coming two weeks! Listen here.  Podcast summary coming soon.

I don't know how many of you have had an experience where your strong-willed child has struggled socially, at school, or just with other people in general. Many people in our Facebook group, have said that they've been sad to see how their kids struggle with friends or in different social settings.  That can be really hard for us as parents because we want our kids to have a happy life. So we're going to talk this month about some of those different interpersonal struggles that are strong- willed kids might have and how to set them up for success. Our strong-willed kids may not be aware of how their personality affects others.  This is true for all of us.  It’s amazing that even though you’re in your own body and in your own mind, you still can’t see things clearly. Our kiddos need our help to understand how their natural strengths and weaknesses can help or hurt in their relationships with others. Here’s six ways you can help them better understand: Listen here. Blog post version coming soon.

Listen here or READ the post below. One of the characteristics that we see in a lot of strong-willed kids is a tendency to be negative.  This can be hard for us to listen to as parents and we worry as parents because we know that positive thoughts lead to a positive life.  However, many of us wonder how to help a child who seems naturally negative to become more positive.  We may even wonder if it’s possible! The good news is that research shows that individuals can actually train their brain to be more positive.  You can literally rewire the brain to be happy.  We're here today with clinical mental health counselor, Mike Fitch, to learn how to train our brain to see the positive. Mike Fitch, CMHC Positivity, Negativity, and the Brain Retraining or rewiring the brain to be more positive comes down to something called conditioning.  Most people have heard of conditioning before, but I want to give a little refresher on what it is. Conditioning is when we train the brain to behave a certain way by consistently repeating the same actions.  A psychologist, Ivon Pavlov was the one to discover that conditioning was possible.  Pavlov set up an experiment where he would ring a bell every time he would feed his dogs.  He did this repeatedly and consistently, until his dogs were so conditioned to food accompanying a bell that they would salivate as soon as they heard the bell. Humans, while being an advanced species, are animals too and can be conditioned just like dogs. We don't call it conditioning, we more often call it habit forming.  Believe it or not, if you or your child are negative thinkers, you have simply formed the habit of negative thinking.  That can change by you conditioning your brain to see the positive in life enough times that positive thinking becomes your new habitual thinking. I should say that I'm sure genetics have something to do with your thinking as well.  For example, if you have depression it can be a lot harder to be positive.  However, research shows that the most effective treatment for depression is to make positive thinking your habitual thinking. **In some cases of severe mental health disorders, the brain does not have the capacity to rewire to the extent that we would like it to.  If your child has a more severe mental health disorder, we recommend meeting with competent professionals for help** Balancing Positivity and Negativity I used to think that it wasn’t good for my kids to hear me be negative or vent about things.  I have since come to realize that negative experiences and feelings are a normal part of life.  Our kids will watch us to see how we handle these normal experiences and feelings. With that in mind, I feel that it’s OK for us to vent, to allow our kids to vent, to get those negative feelings out, and then to balance the negativity of that out with positivity.  Vent, then move on.  Give your kids opportunities to vent, then encourage them to move on. Dwelling in the negative will create negative thinking habits.  Venting then moving on to positivity will not. But how do you help a naturally negative child to move on to positive thinking?  Here’s my top tips to get you started. Tip #1 Point Out the “Positive Opposite” This is the first technique I recommend parents use when they are trying to help their kids become more positive.  I recommend doing this without your child knowing that you’re doing it, because strong-willed kids will resist thinking more positively if they know you’re trying to make them do it. In a nut shell, pointing out the positive opposite means that you are going to ignore all of their negativity and instead, give a lot of positive response to their positivity.  You’re going to teach their brain that being negative doesn’t get attention and...

Listen here or READ the post below. One of the biggest roles that we have as a parent is being aware of our child's strengths and their weaknesses, then trying minimize the negative effects of the weaknesses and bringing out and channel their strengths. One of the weaknesses that our strong-willed kids has is being IMPULSIVE.  Strong-willed kids want what they want, right when they want it. Today we get to talk to Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Mike Fitch to learn how to help our kids THINK before they ACT. Mike Fitch, CMHC I deal with impulsive kids both in my clinical work and at home. It's good to have the personal experience so I can empathize with a lot of the parents that I work with. Just like all of you and the parents I work with, there are times I really want to pull my own hair out and times where I question my own parenting. If I haven't screwed my kids up so far, there's a good chance you won't either. Expect the process to take time Each of us have characteristics or features that we were born with that are still a challenge for us in adulthood. So is it appropriate to expect our child to all of a sudden be perfect or is it appropriate to expect that this could take a lifetime for them to get weaknesses, to become strengths? Changing your nature can take a lifetime. Some kids will catch onto things quicker than others. There are two categories of kids that are impulsive Category #1 The “Impulsive Brain” There are kids with attention deficit disorder that are naturally impulsive. These are the kids that have lower dopamine levels and so the brain's always seeking for stimulus to raise their dopamine. Their brains are literally going so fast that it’s really challenging for them to THINK before they ACT. From my experience, and I know this is going to be a stereotype, these are fairly kindhearted kids. They're not doing the thing stop, think, act. They just acting on, “Hey, that looks neat. I think that would raise my dopamine levels.” If you feel like you have a child that fits into this category, I would recommend checking out the book The Gift of ADHD. Category #2 The “Entitled and Willful Child” These kids tend to be impulsive because they feel entitled to have whatever they want or they are just so willful about what they want.  They also struggle to connect the dots between their actions and consequences. The have a hard time comprehending consequential thinking. These kids also want to do things their way, to feel in control of their lives.  EVERY child goes through a stage of development where they are very egocentric.  Meaning, that they think about themselves and want things to revolve around them.  Strong-willed kids experience this phase with more intensity than other kids and will take more time to see outside of themselves. Kids that fall into Category One would see a cookie and grab it before thinking about anything.  Whereas, a child from Category Two would see a cookie and think “I want that cookie. I deserve to have the cookie more than anybody else and therefore that cookie as mine.” Neither of these categories of kids are bad I think these each of these children that are born this way.  They’re not trying to be bad. They just have a different type of brain.  It’s also important to remember that throughout the history of evolution, all these types of brains serve a purpose. The kids that are more willful, are often the ones who become the leaders and the trendsetters. So there's a purpose to your child’s personality.  It doesn’t make parenting them easy, but can help us stay positive when things are tough. How to help kids think BEFORE they act It’s important to break this down by category because kids in Category One nee...