Before offering advice, ask a quieter question

﻿“You know what you should do.”

Five familiar words, usually offered with kindness, sometimes with genuine care. Yet when we hear them, something small inside us can quietly deflate.

In this episode of Mind the Gap, Michael Comyn reflects on the hidden tension inside unsolicited advice. When someone brings us a problem, are they really asking for a solution, or are they asking to be heard?

Drawing on his experience as a coach and communicator, Michael explores the difference between fixing and listening, and why the urge to solve someone else’s difficulty may sometimes be about easing our own discomfort.

Before the advice arrives, there may be a better question to ask.

What does this person actually need from me right now?

When did we stop looking?

You already know my voice.

For twenty-five years, I've been telling you to mind the gap on trains across Ireland. This is the same instruction. The gap is just different now.

Mind the Gap is a podcast about the space between what we think we're doing and what we're actually doing. Between intention and impact. Between the behaviour we display and the one we'd choose if we were paying attention.

Each episode is a short reflection — drawn from psychology, philosophy, and the texture of everyday life — on one of those gaps. Why do we give advice nobody asked for? Why do we lie more after the mistake than during it? Why do we perform contentment, perform listening, perform strength? And what it costs us when we do.

I'm Michael Comyn — coach, broadcaster, and the voice on the platform. New episodes weekly.