Love on the Air - Podcast of The Whole Parent

Anger is not easy for any of us. I have a problem with rage. When a partner gets mad, that’s usually okay. It’s hard, but it’s no longer scary. When a partner yells, however, all kinds of self-defense mechanisms kick in and begin to cloud my rational response into something more childlike. Anger in any form is part of the ebb and flow of life. In a relationship, if you’re not allowing yourself to get angry and express that frustration, you’re going to be pushing it under the carpet. At some point, the anger is going to come out. By learning to deal with anger in rational and connective ways with your partner, you can go a long way toward future-proofing your relationship from the major blowups. That’s the goal, anyway.   Read this article on The Whole Parent.

Most of us are not very good at self-care. We often put other’s needs before ours. Especially if we are single parents, we’ve got a full load at work and a full load at home. Where is the time for ourselves? How do we make time for self-care? Taking Charge of Our Own Calendar One of my life-skills has been learning how to run my schedule using Google Calendar. I put all the appointments on my calendar. I remember a “hello date” several years ago, where I asked, “If you’ll give me your email address I’ll send you a calendar invite for our coffee this Saturday.” She found it odd, quirky, and somewhat endearing. I found it essential to put our dates on the map of my time so that I could make energy and time available. I put things on my calendar so I can show up ready to go. I can glance at my week, see the high points and make decisions about how I’m going to schedule or use my open time. When I know what’s coming on Thursday evening, I can plan an early night on Wednesday to give me plenty of energy for the event. If I run my day at full-tilt and am slightly surprised that I have an evening event, I’m going to be tired, I’m going to be less-than-100%, I’m going to be disappointed in my planning and management. I was speaking to a friend recently about their self-care planning. Here’s what I heard then say, “I’ve just got too much going on. Too many people need me right now.” Here’s the underlying message, “My self-care is not as important as my care of others.” And where this gets problematic is when things get overwhelming. When our schedules get overbooked with obligations to our kids, our friends, our partners, we will feel anxiety and exhaustion as we head into the weekday, the day where we have NO BREAKS. “What if,” I proposed to my friend, “You take a moment at the beginning of each day, and add in a ME CYCLE? What if the first calendar event was YOU, every single day?” I could see the consternation on my friend’s face. I could hear the “not possible” response forming on their lips. “Just consider it,” I said. “I know, even this feels overwhelming, and like adding one more event to your calendar.” They nodded. “And I’m not speaking to you as a coach, but as a friend who cares about you.” I could see the pain in their expression. Read the entire article on The Whole Parent.

Let’s look into the challenges of dating as a single parent. To start, we’ve both got some history under our belt, kids, and some requirements for what’s OK and what we simply won’t ever do again.

Let’s imagine that finding a lifetime partnership is our ultimate goal. Let’s look forward to years and years with our lover. Let’s plan on staying together.

Often, part of any relationship-building experience is learning that OUR emotional pain is ours alone. And the harder lesson: the emotional pain of our partners is most definitely NOT OURS.

Relationships may come and go. The relationship you have with yourself and your spirit (higher power, god, holy mother) is the only partnership that will never fail you.

Healthy love, for each of us, is a series of trials and errors. We weren’t shown what healthy love looks like so we give it a go and screw it up a number of times before we begin to pick up some clues.

Love is a mutual quest. If it’s a one-sided romantic campaign, there’s going to be a shipwreck ahead as the rocks and stormy seas bring couples to the moment of truth.

That’s one of the reasons affirmations are so powerful. You ruminate on the good stuff in your life. The things you are happy and hopeful about.So, how do you learn to calm the monkey chatter in your mind?

How is it that I am in such a rush to find the next and last girlfriend/lover? I say to them, “I’m in no hurry,” but I’m kind of lying.