Listening To Adoptees

Meet Garrett, a Black, transracial adoptee within a domestic open adoption. Garrett's adoptive parents are white. "You Can't Live Your Kid's Life" "I don't care what other people think about me because I love myself. If you're gonna love me for who I am, you can come onto my ship and we can ride it together." Here's some of what we talked about: His realization that he could be totally himself and stop pleasing others. His answer to people who say "you're parents didn't want you." His feelings about his birth family How to handle your teenager Why you have to let your kids find who they are Dealing with racism as a Black kid with 2 white parents How he handles racism today How PACT Camp helped his family talk about racism Working through the idea that he owed his parents something Realizing he's amazing His relationship with his sister Looking forward to his future Annie's take-aways for adoptive parents: Take a deep breath and just watch. Don't try to control your kids. Katelyn's take-aways for adoptees: Adoptees hold multiple tensions at once, extending compassion and grace even when we're hurt. We can feel hurt by our birth parents and stay open to them at the same time. We as adoptees cultivate this skill https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/7

Shownotes: Meet Christopher: "I use he/him/his pronouns. I identify as a queer transracial adoptee. I was born in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, formerly known as Saigon, Vietnam. I was adopted from Vietnam when I was about a year old. I grew up in Sacramento, California. I was adopted by a white family and raised in a predominantly white community." "We don't walk around with like a sign over our heads that says 'I'm adopted'....The adoptee identity is an invisible identity." Here's some of what we talked about: Developing his racial identity and his adoptee identity Finding language to understand and express his experience Why the word "transracial" is so important Proximity to whiteness as adoptees of color with white parents Questioning the idea of being Asian "enough" and finding a third space The intersection of his queer and adoptee identities Why adoptees have a unique position in understanding race and racism What kinship and family ties mean to adoptees Annie's take-aways for adoptive parents: Language matters. I need to find the most empowering language I can, and switch whenever I find more empowering language. My kid has an important voice in the future of adoption and race and it's totally his to find and explore and express. Adoptees need the biggest seats at the table where adoption gets reimagined. Katelyn's take-aways for adoptees: The concept of enoughness is so helpful. I will never be "asian enough" in the context of white supremacy. I am enough. If we are not listening to the voices of adoptees, we are just theorizing and we will fall short. Adoptees have the least power in the adoption constellation, and we must re-empower them. shownotes at https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/6

Meet Olivia, a transracial adoptee who identifies as Black, specifically Jamaican, bisexual, and sis female. She lives with her two white moms and little sister who who is also Black. One of her moms is also an adoptee. "I went from no birth father connection to all of it in less than 24 hours." "One of my favorite parts of adoption is that my parents can't pass on some of their bullshit to me as their parents passed on to them....there's no genetic anything happening in my family, so we all have our own journey." Here's some of what we talked about: Growing up in Maine and then Oakland, California Moving to Oakland to be in a place with more POC How PACT Family Camp impacted her Finding her birth father Her relationship with her birth mother How her white moms work to grow and learn What she loves about adoption shownotes at https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/5

Meet Katelyn (our guest AND cohost!) I'm an international adoptee from ZhuZhou, Hunan Province, China, and I'm both the same race and interracial adoptee. I identify as a cisgender, heterosexual woman, and I'm also a follower of Jesus and Christian and I currently work at USF as a college counselor. When I'm not doing that I’m thinking about adoption, talking about adoption, journaling, and running to the beach. "I think when white parents or any parents adopt outside of their race, you are not only adopting that singular child, but actually in an ideal world you're actually kind of adopting that community and you are choosing to care about the plight of that community." "I would love to invite adoptive parents to take a critical and conscious lens when adopting, especially from other countries." Here's some of what we talked about: The narrative that adoptees are "lucky" How race and racism impacted her growing up The white savior narrative (and some ways to resist it) Talking about adoption growing up Finding an adoptee community as an adult Not having information about her birth family The opportunity for racial reconciliation in transracial adoption How her Christian faith has helped her navigate this process Annie's take-aways: Bring a critical and nuanced lens to the adoption industry. Learn and ask questions, and where adoption practices are unjust, call out those injustices. Katelyn's take-aways: Talk about the hard things in adoption. Step into the discomfort for the sake of your child. Shownotes at https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/4

Meet Shawn, an alum of the foster system who is also a kinship adoptive parent. Shawn identifies as Black and male. He lives with his fiancee and his nephew "What it's like to be a foster child? The word I like to use is EXPENDABLE." "That's when shit just started to hit me. I'm no longer part of my family right now. I'm state property." Here's some of what we talked about: Moving from California to South Carolina to live with his aunt Entering the foster care system at age 12 Living with his first foster parents and feeling like a lego piece that doesn't fit Living with his second foster parent, Rose, who is still his mother to this day Learning about unconditional love Sharing that unconditional love with his nephew who he adopted Wisdom and honesty for adoptive and foster parents Annie's take-aways for adoptive parents: Patience with our kids is key. Our children's behavior comes from many complicated places. We need to stay steady. If we're asking whether we're doing enough, that's a good sign. Katelyn's take-aways for adoptees: You are loved and you are inherently worthy of love. Shawn's relationship with Rose stuck out for me. Life with Rose meant belonging and acceptance, but due to past trauma, he still he rejected her as a teenager. There are layers of trauma to our experience as adoptees. Resources we talked about: The Primal Wound By Nancy Verrier Shownotes at https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/3

Meet Oliver Jennings, an African-American man, adopted at 22 months, into a same-race adoption with a single mother. He's also a new father. "You gotta put your shit aside. It's not about how you feel, and them reaching out to their parents isn't because of something that you lack. There's a natural draw to want to know what's going on and where they come from and that's not because you've done anything wrong or because you lack as a parent or because you've done anything incorrect." Here's some of what we talked about: His experience as a same-race adoptee Grappling with the narrative that "you were wanted" His journey to creating relationships with his birth siblings and birth mother Becoming the kind of father he wants to be Handling other people's assumptions about his adoptee experience Annie's take-aways for adoptive parents: Take care of our shit somewhere else so we don't get our buttons pushed by our kids. Remind our kids they don't have to take care of us. Katelyn's take-aways for adoptees: Find people who hold space for you. Give yourself permission to take up space. shownotes at https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/2

Welcome to our new podcast, Listening To Adoptees. We’re your hosts. I’m Katelyn, I’m Asian American, cis female, I go by she/her/hers and I’m a transracial and same race international adoptee from China and identify as a follower of Jesus! I’m Annie. I am white, cis female, I go by she or they, I’m queer, and I’m the parent of one child through transracial adoption and one through birth. Listening to Adoptees is a podcast for everyone in the adoption constellation: adoptees, adoptive parents, birth or first or biological parents, siblings, friends, extended family and allies of adoptees. We believe that the people who know the very most about adoption are adoptees. Adoptees are the experts on their own experiences. This podcast is a place to listen to the stories, advice and visions of adoptees. There is no singular story of adoption, so we interview multiple adoptees on this long journey to explore, deepen and learn from adoptees. We’ll be talking about so many things, including racism, intersecting identities, mistakes some adoptive parents make, things some adoptive parents get right, self-esteem, the huge problems in the adoption and foster care industries, things our guests love about adoption, relationships with birth families, and much more. We hold a vision where adoptees are the ones who will create a new vision of adoption for our future and the rest of us help to make it so. Introducing our season one guests! Oliver Shawn Katelyn Olivia Christopher Garrett We’re so excited to bring you the rest of the season! We need your help. Please subscribe right now so you don’t miss a single episode, and tell someone who could benefit from listening. That’s the best way for us to grow this podcast. shownotes at https://www.listeningtoadoptees.com/episodes/1