How to Talk to [Mamí & Papí] about Anything

Diane's Korean mother and grandmother live in New Jersey, and would like her to visit more often. But Diane has a full life in NYC, and feels guilty and torn. Hatty Lee, a marriage and family therapist who works with Asian-Americans, shares tips on how to speak with loved ones about honoring our individual and family needs.This episode originally aired on June 7, 2021.Featured Expert:Hatty J. Lee is a licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner based in California, with over 12 years of experience working in child and family clinics, schools, adult outpatient centers, and private practice. She is the founder and director of her private practice, Oak and Stone, and the author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.If you loved this episode, listen to When Mamí Wants You Close, But You Need Space and Mom is Upset About Her Gift (Hint: It’s Not About the Gift). We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Moving to the U.S. was hard for Michelle’s family, and it impacted how she was disciplined growing up. As a parent herself, she’s coming to terms with experiences her parents now deny. Betty Ming Liu, a life coach who specializes in childhood trauma, speaks with Juleyka about nurturing our inner child and ending the family cycle of violence.Michelle Yang is an advocate whose writings on the intersection of Asian American identity, body image, and mental health have been featured in NBC News, CNN, InStyle, and more. Her memoir, PHOENIX GIRL: HOW A FAT ASIAN WITH BIPOLAR FOUND LOVE is forthcoming. Learn more about her work and writing on Instagram @michelleyangwriter If you loved this episode, listen to Talking About a Brother's Emotional Abuse and You're Grieving and in Pain. They Call You "Crazy."Featured Expert:Betty Ming Liu is the online Life & Work Coach for at NYU’s journalism graduate school. Her personal pronouns are she/her. Learn more about her work here. Betty also teaches journalism at NYU, where she was awarded the university’s Outstanding Teaching Award. As a life coach, she specializes in issues related to diversity, communication skills, writing, alcoholism and addiction, the immigrant experience, and, transforming childhood triggers and traumas. Before becoming a professor and life coach, Betty spent 16 years as a full-time New York City journalist and was a New York Daily News columnist who covered diversity and the immigrant experience. She is the recovering daughter of her beloved control freak Chinese immigrant parents, who raised her in New York City’s Chinatown. Betty recently moved to Los Angeles, where she and her rescue pit bull and 17-year old cat live five minutes away from her grown-up daughter.We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Yaffa's Dominican mom wanted her to marry a White American. So when she fell in love with a Dominican man, she kept the relationship and wedding secret. And marriage and family therapist Claudia Parada speaks with Juleyka about how to confront our parents' bias while sparing our romantic partners the drama.Yaffa S. Santos is the author of the novel A Touch of Moonlight. You can learn more about her work and writing here. Our expert this week is Marriage and Family Therapist, DEI trainer Claudia Parada. Learn more about her work here If you loved this episode, listen to Telling Them I'm Moving in With Boyfriend and Telling Mom She's Also Biased. tktkFeatured Expert:Claudia Parada Claudia Parada is an associate marriage and family therapist, antiracism consultant and trainer, and holistic life coach, A San Francisco Bay Area native, Claudia completed my Bachelors at San Francisco State University Latinx Studies Program and a Master’s degree in Integral Counseling Psychology from California Institute of Integral Studies training in humanistic approaches to therapy. She has a passion for working with people of color to re-member and reimagine the way they heal together in today’s world. Claudia uses ten years of holistic life coaching experience, six years of apprenticeship in Mesoamerican tradition, and four years of counseling training to support clients uncover their own inner wisdom around what health and healing mean for them.We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.  

Juanita decided to write her life story and got pushback from her Mexican mom, who remembers their family life very differently. And memoirist and writing teacher Yasmín Ramírez shares strategies for reconciling different family accounts of the past, and offers advice for keeping ourselves honest when telling difficult stories.Juanita E. Martinez is a lawyer, writer and performer. You can learn more about her work and her memoir Tales of an Inland Empire Girl here. Our expert this week is author and educator Yasmín Ramírez. Learn more about her work and her book ¡Ándale, Prieta! on her website here. If you loved this episode, listen to Finding his Mom's Lost Father and She's Trying to Close the Emotional Gap with Papí .We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

After years of working toward a career as a tenure track professor, Sylvia left this path in academia under duress. And getting her Peruvian parents to understand her decision also proved challenging. And Dr. Michelle Espino Lira, who studies Latinos in higher education, speaks with Juleyka about connecting our bold acts of self-advocacy with the grit and resolve our parents modeled for us.Our expert this week is Dr. Michelle Espino Lira, Professor of Student Affairs at the College of Education at the University of Maryland. Learn more about her work here and about her podcast Latinx Inteligentsia . If you loved this episode, listen to Taking a Break from Grad School, Then Telling Her Parents and Is Tenure the End or the Beginning (from our sibling podcast, How to Talk to [High Achievers] about Anything.We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Tony’s Vietnamese mom didn't talk much about her father, a Black American soldier who fought in the Vietnam War but whom she never really knew. So Tony decided to find him. And marriage and family therapist Thien Pham who works with adult children of Amerasians and refugees speaks with Juleyka about respecting our parents’ trauma while trying to understand our family history, and finding peace when we don’t have answers.Our expert this week is Thien Pham, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in California. Learn more about her work here . If you loved this episode, listen to Mom is Upset About Her Gift (Hint: It’s Not About the Gift) and Should She Confront a Family Secret?We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Brenda thinks it’s time for her Mexican family to speak openly about her father’s infidelity and newly-discovered half-sister, but she's ambivalent about starting the conversation. And marriage and family therapist Gilza Fort Martinez offers advice for creating the right context, choosing the time and place, and exercising sensitivity around family revelations.Our expert this week is Gilza Fort Martinez, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Florida. Learn more about her work here. If you loved this episode, listen to She's Trying to Close the Emotional Gap with Papí and Telling Mamí You Use Weed.We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Though she was a primary caretaker, Sandra had a hard time knowing what to say to her dad at the end of his life. And Oceana Sawyer, a death doula, speaks with Juleyka about acknowledging death with dying loved ones, and taking care of ourselves as we care for them.Our expert this week is Oceana Sawyer, a professional End of Life Doula based in who writes and speaks on the liminal space of active dying and grief. She is currently researching and holding space in the realm of embodied grieving in a context of somatic abolitionism. Learn more about her work here. Her latest book, Life, Death, Grief, and the Possibility of Pleasure, is available online at Kizzy Books and More as well as Amazon. If you loved this episode, listen to When Papí Gets a Fatal Diagnosis and Carrying Out His End-of-Life Wishes.We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Elbert is struggling to accept how his Dominican parents' married relationship works. And Luis Resendez, a marriage and family therapist who works with Latino men, helps us understand what shapes our ideas of marriage and partnership.Our expert this week is Luis Resendez, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in California. Learn more about his private practice, Vida Emotional, here.We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Delainy is finally putting a stop to her family's frequent criticism of her weight and looks. And Lisa Jimenez, a mental health counselor who works with first-gens struggling with negative body image, busts health myths and shares tips to build resilience and speak up for ourselves.Delainy Faña is the creator of La Bruja's Art. Our expert this week is Lisa Jimenez, a licensed mental health counselor based in South Florida. You can learn more about her work here. She recommends this resource on intuitive eating, this book on anti-dieting, and this instagram community for resources and support. If you loved this episode, listen to When Mom Body Shames Yous and This Mom is Decolonizing Her Parenting.We’d love to hear your stories of triumph and frustration so send us a detailed voice memo to [email protected]. You might be on a future episode! Let’s connect on Twitter and Instagram at @TalkToMamiPapi and email us at [email protected]. And follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts.