Two sides: Jill and Luann, Ramona Bethenny and sort of Alex. Kelly is just there floating around. 

Kelly has been asked to do playboy. 

Luann won’t let Victoria wear spikey shoes. Luann says she’s based in the hamptons but comes into the city because she misses it, and she’s hosting an event. 

Victoria asks Luann about the Playboy shoot. 

Victoria asks Luann if she would be on playboy. Victoria says her guy friends think Luann is attractive. Luann: ...what did they say? Victoria: I think you’re looking good, bu t that’s weird. Luann LOVES this!

Kelly, when we first meet her kids, is so annoying as a mother. She has Luann over to cook and she makes the girls wear matching pink sweaters and is constantly nitpicking at them. My theory is that she’s doing it on purpose in front of Luann so that Luann will say she runs such a lovely home. In this scene, Kelly seems like their sibling. 

Kelly asks the kids what they will think when their friends ask about Playboy. Teddi is… hamming it up for the camera. I do not appreciate it. 

We end with “If Sea and Teddi want to pose for playboy, I would support them in a second.” ummm how did we get to that?! That’s so weird, they’re little kids! 

Bethenny starts like she’s shot out of a cannon. Bethenny says she comes alive when she speaks in front of hundreds of people. She goes on this awkward tangeant about how she only dates people named Jason. Soft laughter. 

Bethenny says models in magazines say they had grilled salmon and lentils, and Bethenny says, FUCKK YOU, no you didnt!! Bethenny’s cursing is so jarring… 

Thenn Bethenny says, eating junk food on the couch while you’re watching TV isn’t worth it, because it’s like having sex and you weren’t paying attention. Bethenny: Did someone just fuck me because i have no idea!! They cut to this sour looking blond jackie o type in the audience and she is taken aback. It’s amazing. 

Q and A… a guy asks about portioning meals and bethenny tells him to freeze them and that he’ll have his own gay man’s TV dinner. SOO AWKWARDDDD unless he said he’s gay don’t just assummme!! One of those moments that didnt age well. 

This is heartbreaking because Bobby finds out he doesn’t have cancer. Not touching this one. 

Kelly’s makeup artist tells her that Bethenny did a peta shoot. Kelly: I wear fur. I wasn’t even asked. ...thats why you werent asked you weirdo! 

Kelly doesn’t think there’s a comparison between the two shoots. Kelly said she had beer and wings all week. She HAS To let us know that she’s just like us, doesn’t have a model diet, but still looks so good. What is the need to present so casual and easy breezy all the time?! It’s like she’s trying to convince herself. Stay tuned to this story because we find out later she’s not actually in the anniversary issue 

Dina and Lindsay are there! I wish Dina had been on lohan beach club. 

Alex and SImon show up, Alex hasn’t seen Luann and Jill since labor day, last episode, when seh didnt’ go to the party. 

A guy shows up with them in like a corset and has a handbag. Jill: I’ve been around gays, but this guy was overly beyond. I was a little shocked. Alex: This is my gay during the day. Simon: He’s the day gay, I’m the night guy… ohhhh man this didn’t age well eitherrrr! 

Kelly shows up. HERE’S THE CLIMBING UP COMMENT!!!!! THIS IS THE ONE THAT RUINS JILL AND ALEX FOREVERRRRR!! Jill asks Alex about the boys climbing up someone’s leg at the dock. This is a story Luan told her. Jill tells alex to put a chapter in her book about it. 

Jill asks Alex what happened at Ramona’s house. Of course Alex is willing to open up. Jill’s need for gossip is so embarrassing. 

Alex says that Ramona looked at her and said “I really want you to say.” That’s nto really what happened, but in Alex’s head she was the center of attention. 

Luann asked Alex whose side she was on? ALex: I think at the moment I’m the one whos friends with everyone. PLEEEEASE!!! 

Jill talks about playboy and how kelly just posed for it. 

Alex rightfully points out how fake it is that they support Kelly’s nudity but they were against hers in season 1. Luann: nude weird photographs of alex popping up to the cover of playboy are two different things. 

Luann meets the psychic and gets a kiss, but asks for another one. 

The psychic says you have someone new for you coming in who has a J name. Luann: this person is going to be the second love of my life you think??? I think this is jacques. It’s so weird that Luann is already to jump back in to a relationship. 

Jill brings up Bethenny and wants to know what will happen. Psychic: She’s talking to anyone who will listen so she can get let go of that guilt. She’s going through the most fabulous time of her life. She’s damaged relationships. ….ok so you watch the show, big deal. 

Jill plays the voicemail and says she plays it ‘when she feels weak.’ Feeling weak about what? What is the need to STAY mad? This was jill’s problem, and bethenny said… jill HAS to win. Jill says she scares me. Jill: I really made a deposit in that friendship bank. She took the money and ran. 

They relive the night they met. 

Bethenny’s friends come. ...her assistants… 

Jason’s friends show up. One is named little john and he shows up in a purple suit. 

Bethenny rips Jason’s friends for having a gravely voice. Like SUPER loud in front of everyone. Bethenny in bite says: It was a great event. This is a sign that she’ sturned. Calling a birthday party an event as if it’s something business related. 

Bethenny can feel Jill not being there and she misses her. 

They slow mo on them kissing and the music cue they chose is SO ominous, espeically if  you kow what’s going to happen. 

RAMONA AT THE LEGEND BALL

This isn’t… oprah’s legends ball i take it. Because this party is a SEAAAAA of white people. 

Jill shows up, and asks Mario couldnt he just say sorry??? Mario says no i didnt’ say anything to her. Mario is really sticking to his guns on this one. Jill: Was it not a nice thing to say? Mario: it is what it is jill, you’ve said a lot of nasty things to people. 

PODBUSTER: Kelly: Peta doesn’t say don’t wear fur, they’re saying don’t abuse animals. WHAT?!! Do I wear fur? Yes. Do I support the abuse of animals absolutely not. I’ve always been a great fur wearer. ...I’m a cold blooded person so if I want to wear fur, more power to me. WHAT?!!?

Jill get a tour. Kelly gives Jill a mug with her face on int. Jill ‘realizes’ that the math didnt add up and that this couldnt be the 40th anniversary. 

Kelly said when she got to the set she was told she might be in the magazine that celebrates the 50th anniversary of the playboy costume. Kelly: Jill I love you but you’re going to make me crazy with this, give it a rest!! Ummm no you full on LIED About what this was for. Fire your agent!! 

Alex and is making pizza with the boys. They get rid of the boys. Alex tells Simon that one of the boys climbed up someone’s leg. Simon: I didnt tell you because it wasnt a big deal. The guy enjoyed it. 

Alex said Jill goes from benevoent mother hent o mommie dearest mother hen. She’s SO proud of this. 

Alex and Simon determine that Luann is the underdog and that’s why Jill is so nice to her. 

The boys eat pizza. It’s… messy. 

Jill knows she will see Bethenny today because Bethenny always comes to Jill Stuart’s show. 

Jill immediately when she sees Bethenny: YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! Jill is so fake i can’t. 

Jill then spins that Bethenny was being fake. Did you want to fight her as soon as she walked in? 

Kelly arrived, first time she and Bethenny have seen each other. Bethenny does an OTF. Do you guys miss these? I think they would be so funny now. The benefit is you get a live reaction. 

The show happens, they’re both uncomfortable. Bethenny doesnt understand why they didnt sit together. Jill tells Bethenny the last time I heard from you you told me to get a hobby, and that’s what I’ve done. 

ACT FIVE

Bethenny says picking fights shouldn’t be a hobby. Bethenny says Jill wants credit for everything. Jill says Bethenny should’ve shown up for her when bobby was sick, but bethenny says Jill was traveling everywhere while Bobby was sick. This I believe, but Jill doesn’t want that said so she leaves. 

Luann tells Bethenny that she ruined the friendship somehow, and that’s when Bethenny realizes that they’re the new duo, and Luann says she heard the voicemail. Bethenny doesnt understand why Jill would play the voicemail from anyone. I hold on to messages…. They’re receipts from a bygone era. 

For Bethenny, the core issue is Jill wants credit for everything. Luann thinks Bethenny is picking fights for no reason. Bethenny says it’s now Jill’s turn to try to patch up and it shows that Jill, in fact, does need a hobby. 

NEXT WEEK… 

Luann’s divorce gets finalized, and she tells Jill’s mom who is judy garland. 

Ramona asks Kelly if she got her breasts redone, Kelly flips. 

Bethenny calls Luann a snake at fashion week. The foundation of their mutual hatredddd.