Rit spends his Saturday morning watching Southern Charm and recapping it for you, because that's what friends do. Also he is mourning the mis-delivery of his new curtains, and he needed some company. Craig, sew him some curtains!

EPISODE NOTES

DISCOVERY: Saturday is the day to watch Southern Charm. I find everyone so pleasant and humorous and I’m not annoyed and bored like I usually am when i watch after work. 

ACT ONE 

I am SHOCKED that Ashley’s appearance was just last week. 

Shep visits a piece of swamp he wants to buy. It looks terrifying and where you would bury dead bodies. Like, they are going to break grond and find bodies. This house if it ever builds will sink into the ground. 

Cameron scares Shep by saying there’s a gator and he yells MY KNEE!! Reminder: he tore his ACL riding a MECHANICAL BULL! 

Cameron: What’s the name of the development you’re building? Shep: Just the tip. ...why does this clown get to buy a house?!?!

Does shep have a history with Madison..? Did he reject him? He has so much anger towards him. Honestly I think Madison is out of his league. 

Metul is being an asshole about Naomie getting junk food. 

Naomie tells Metul that she spoke to Craig. Naomie says Metul holds himself to a high standard and sometimes she just wants to talk shit. I hear you, Naomie! I want Metul to relax. We have such little representation. 

Why is Craig’s house so disgusting? Why doesn’t he ever clean? Doesn’t he know cameras will be over? I can’t tell Sean and Craig’s voices apart. 

Craig explains the sewing to Jerry. “That’s my pillow.” Craig spills his drink and just lets it SIT there, with the remote in the mess! This is giving me anxiety! CLEAN IT UP! 

Craig brings back down pillows. He made a pillow for a daughter that he and Naomie never had for when she loses her tooth. What is happening? Craig says he has 100 orders that he’s just sitting on that he hasn’t done yet. 

Jerry says that he has a relative who can figure out how to get these pillows made. Craig is excited… this will bomb hard. 

Jerry challenges craig to figure out three pillow designs and what the true cost is of making them. This is already too much and craig will fail. I have zero faith in him. 

KATHRYN GOES TO SEE WHITNEY 

Kathryn mumbles: hi straaanger…. How are you doingggggg…. 

Whitney, take off your sunglasses for the love of god. These two together feel so uncomfortable. Whitney looks like he’s in disguise. He truly doesn’t want to be associated with her. 

Whitney: You look good, your skin is glowing. Yeah it’s glowing orange. 

Still don’t understand why Katherine wasn’t at that Ashley thing. 

Kathryn brings up that Whitney is denying their hook up. My theory is still that they came up with this together because Whitney is a producer, and then Whitney went back on their deal and denied it. They literally have zero spark and chemistry. Whitney refuses to accept it. Kathryn goes “ohhh…” What is this reaction? 

Whtiney looks like he has no teeth. 

Whitney fake getting up from interview, “That’s it we’re done.” What IS this story?! It’s someone denying a hook up rumor that none of us really care about. 

The amazing ordering stands. Garlic cauliflower, brussels sprouts, and tartar bites. Good for you Wendy! What’s austen’s last name? We’ll just call her Wendy Austen. I love how these people order! It makes me feel so much better about how I order. 

Austen said things are moving forward with his beer. 

Ufff Austen’s story about is sister. So upsetting. 

Austen says weed is legal in colorado so he’s going to have a THC chef come over. 

PACKING FOR CO

Cam calls Jason. I’m convinced he’s just a voice in her phone and that’s who she’s married to. How much do you wanna bet he’s downstairs? 

Kathryn packs. I already see a striped sweater in that suitcase that I truly hope she doesn’t end up bringing. 

There is literally no need for Madison to come on this trip. It’s like on RHOA when Shamea comes along, and in the olden days, Marlo. Not complaining btw. 

Honestly, why is everyone so bothered? They’re both even now. Fresh start! New beginnings! 

Is this argument in real time? Whitney says he doesn’t want to be on the road for a long time again. Craig says just go home then!!! Whtiney: Mind your own business.. Dickhead!!! Chelsea asks Craig if he’s drunk. Yikessss Chelsea. Craig says he will never speak to Chelsea again. People must be calling him out for drinking too much, he seems hyper sensitive about it. I do think everyone laughing at craig is not going to help. 

Honestly I don’t know that I wouldn’t flip out either. Whitney is super annoying. Craig is done with everyone and walks away, I don’t know where. 

On WWHL craig explains that this trip was meant for cameron to hang out with the guys, and cameron has a tendency to follow whitney everywhere, so she was going to go with whitney on the plane and that’s why he was mad. 

On WWHL craig also said that the reason he got so mad at austen at that party a couple of episodes ago was because austen left him at the bar with two girls, one wanted to hook up with craig, and austen wasn’t there to hang out with the other one. Then one of the girls got pissed at the one that liked craig and it ruined the night. ...still, a weird over response at cameron’s party. 

Also there are 45 people on this trip. Craig can find someone else to hang out with. 

Everyone goes out to the buses. That bus looks so nice. 

Craig: I have sky priority i got my luggage first. Craig can’t sew a pillow but he can get sky priority?! 

Cameron is weird and siding with Whitney and says she’s doing what he does. Craig: THis is what happens when you get shipped off to boarding school in sixth grade and you don’t know how to be friends with people. YES CRAIG!! Get em!!! 

Craig is in a bad mood but he’s also not wrong about Whitney. He calls Whitney out for inheriting so much money and being spoiled. Whitney and Cameron leave the bus as Kathryn boards. Chelsea intervenes and tells Craig he’s disrespectful. Chelsea makes her horrible vagina comment. Chelsea is so regressive and backwoods. I got a bigger dick than you. Danni cackles. Why are you here, Danni? 

Cameron I have learned that when a baby has a tantrum, you just have to pat them on the head, and everything is ok…. Didn’t you get off the bus? 

They’re going to a weed dispensery. EVERYONE ON THIS TRIP NEEDS WEED. 

Craig can’t have weed because hes an attorney. 

Kathryn lost her children because of WEED?! That’s it?! Literally why is no one going to get any weed… they all need weed!!! 

I don’t think anyone remembers that Kathryn was busted for weed because I sure didn’t. 

Shep Austen and Chelsea buy some weed. 

Damn they’ve been traveling all day. Where the hell are they? 

Everyone is so winded between the thin air and them being full of alcohol. 

These accomadations are… not cute? They look so nice from the outside and they’re so dated on the inside. 

Boring. Madison seems open to making up with Austen. WHY are they showing that video again?! 

The guys talk about Madison.

Craig is still anti Austen hooking up with Madison. Craig sounds like bevis sometimes. 

Don (is that his name?) has Eliza on speaker and she says she’s going to bed without him. Craig super loudly is like DONT MISS THOSE DAYS, LET ME HAVE FUN I’M LIVING MY LIFE!! 

Austen falls into the hot tub with MAdison. What is this champagne gun and where can I get it? 

Things get awkward when Madison can’t see anymore and she gets super close to Au sten’s face and is like “I’m blind…” they look like they’re about to kiss?? Then Austen and Madison leave the hot tub. 

Austen and Madison go into the kitchen. They have some banter and then they hug. They almost kiss again, then they go their separate ways. If cameras werent there they sooo would’ve hooked up. 

NEXT WEEK… 

Danni and Kathryn talking about this Whitney hook upthing. Kathryn… do you even want to be known as someone who hooks up with Whitney?! 

Madison and Shep talk about him calling her white trash. They have suchhh a vibe. 

Whitney and Craig get into it. I dunno, my DVR cut it off.