Rit recaps RHONY as we witness the other side of Bethenny's meltdown, while Tinsley graduates from freezing her eggs to freezing her dog. Over on Planet Dorinda, we go back in time to the 80's, where the only thing that will make you sweat more than aerobics is the palpable tension. 

Overview: super soft finale. Felt like a kids holiday play, followed by a kids birthday party with a pinata stuffed with vibrators. 

Maybe they saw there wasnt enough story and shortened the order?

After Bethenny’s meltdown have we maxed out?

Rhony episode 412 

Luann’s christmas show poster, she looks uncomfortable. OMG Luann jesus candles!!! 

Ramona!! Dirty dog!! Not coming to the party, because she has to go to her venue to make sure her party is in order. THis is reminiscent of the dueling sweet 16 parties, and then Ramona set up her own party right after and was so excited it would be better. There was also a time Ramona shoved Avery in a cab and sent her into the night so she could go to Perez Hilton’s party. 

Sonja getting the sculpting -- this is nothing I’ve had guys do that to me! 

What are they so mad about with Tinsley lying about her money?! Who cares?! Sonja would’ve kept lying about her bankruptcy if it didn’t come out in the papers. 

You can only get away with Bullshit in this city for about 2 years…. Sonja would be the expert on that. Isn’t that the amount of time she kept going about the toaster oven.

Bethenny laying in bed crying talking about her allergy attack. 

The flashback to her having fish soup and then they suddenly cut to her sobbing on the floor and move on from it like yeah yeah and then bethenny collapsed into a pile of tears, moving on! 

“I don’t wanna be alone.” is Bethenny’s mantra. 

Bethenny hugging her housekeeper. 

Coming up… Luann in baritone: (in the tune of dashing through the snow) my dress was alll blablaaaaa

Luann’s musical director Ben is creepy. 

WOW Luann selling her ugly jewelry outside the show. It’s sooo sad. 

Ramona arrives at her venue.. Its called Pomona…  all panicky because she can’t walk in heels. Only in NYC do women arrive in a state of panic and self critique. Sonja walked in apologizing for her coat. 

Ramona walks in: there’s too many chairs. If only Dorit was there to rearrange everything. 

Sonja is upset about the fan thing and being made to wait out in hte lobby. Didn’t she make people wait in her foyer or something when it was raining outside? 

Luann is so annoyed that Sonja is in the room. “I have to get ready my love…” 

Sonja: “Bethenny was really ill and she was 5 minutes from death.” Luann: OK so she’s not going out tonight? 

Dorinda brings up the thawing of Tinsley’s dog. Asks if you touch it after you thaw it out. 

The women coming in and bothering her and hanging out is amazing. 

This is the second or third time Luann has compared her show to an elementary school play. Luann: Even in an elementry school play the parents are backstage! 

Sonja, Tinsley, and Dorinda are cabbing away to the other party. Barbara is still stuck there, and on another hot mic, says Luann can’t really hold a show by herself. She can’t really sing. Does Barbara not understand the concept of a mic? 

Luann: “MY mother having seven children… I didn’t get much attention!” Wow that explains everything. Her mom never came to her shows. 

They cut to Barbara, and there is a couple in front of her, and this one guy has this look of realization. “Holy shit… this is what the show is?”

Meanwhile back at POMONA…. At a party hosted by Ramona… 

They surprise Dorinda. John swoops in for a kiss but Hannah is in her eyeline , so she tilts to the side and gives him the cheek. 

Dorinda is so genuinely touched that Ramona threw this party… when is it going to settle in that this was just to ruin Luann’s night? 

Luann: I loved rehab so much I went twice. The audience laughing extra hard. Is this canned laughter like from a bad girls club reunion? 

Victoria: I’m pretty sure there’s no one like our mom. 

Tinsley: I can text who I want… when I’m blocked. Who has been blocked the most of this cast? 1) Tinsley 2) Sonja 3) 

Again. HOW IS DORINDA SUDDENLY WASTED IN THIS SCENE?! 

Ramona’s dress looks like it made out of rubber. IT looks like a welcome mat. 

ON THE WAY TO SMORES AND WHORES

Ramona arrives at Dorinda’s and calls herself an elegant whore. I think that’s really how she views herself. 

Sonja’s hair looks like a revolutionary war soldier or george washington. 

Here comes Bethenny and her sorrows. 

It’s so interesting that Bethenny only ever opens up to her driver or her housekeeper. Even TINSLEY was able to get Ramona and Sonja over to talk about her dog for god’s sake. 

Bethenny: “I bring him up too much.” Driver: “You bring him up a lot…” 

Dorinda had fun at the party. Did anyone have fun..? They literally just yelled at Tinsley’s. Objectively I would say Luann’s show WAS more fun. 

SMORES AND WHORES PARTY

Bethenny arrives, her friends arrive, they arrive and their hugs are like MAMAMAMAMAMAMMMMMMM

Ramona: For almost being dead you look really good. 

Ramona deep throating an oyster. Sonja goes. Dorinda: That’s kinda gross. 

Starting to see why they cut the season off at this point… 

Ramona fills Bethenny in on the surprise party and says “ordacity.” 

Sonja says the surprise was ruined for her by Barbara. This party planner person.. Bethenny turns around and says “we have to surprise sonja with a cake and some sparklers or something.” SURE WE’LL WHIP THAT RIGHT UP!! 

Ramona is SO offended by the holy candles… let’s roll back to deepthroating oysters a few minutes earlier,  Virgin Mary. 

Luann shows up in a hideous white newsboy hat. 

Luann: She looks pretty damn hot for someone that almost died. These women really stare death in the face and are unfazed by it. Can you imagine if Kyle had an allergy attack? 

Ramona: That looks like a religious candle. Luann: If you don’t like it, don’t buy one. She’s not wrong… 

Tinsley: Hi, how are you?! I need some WINE! 

Ramona: You, me, Tinsley, Dorinda… we’re a different kind of girl. (Basically Barb is too masculine.) 

Why is Dorinda so annoyed that Tinsley doesn’t want to talk about Scott… 

Bethenny: You drive me so crazy. Luann: Why…? OH JUST FORGET IT. 

Nutcracker pinata. 

Tinsley goes HAM on that pinata. 

Sonja shows her ass, and excitedly gets a vibrator and shows the camera. This is like a kid’s birthday party. Luann: III want a vibrator!! 

Bethenny: Happy Birthday Sonja surprise!! Sonja clapss her head and saya haha! Oh my god!! ...but the surprise hadn’t happened yet. THEN the cake comes out and she’s truly touched. It’s very swet. 

The stripper starts and Dorinda looks DISGUSTED. But your boyfriend is John… 

They took their shirts off but just kinda stood there. Ramona: I’m really not a stripper type of gal. But he grabbed one’s tie and sat down ready to go. “When in Rome, do as in Rome.” 

Sonja lapses into her burlesque: Honey this guy is buff! But he could use a littel fluff! 

Sonja’s freeze frame was epic. 

Bethenny: “I’m going ot live everyday as if its my last.” He flips her over in the chair, because nothing is sexier. 

Cut to barbara, would’ve bene the place for her follow up… instead its just her slowdancing with a stripper… then they cut to Dorinda. 

Anastasia: “You’re gonn