*MUSICIANS WANTED* 

I, the son of God, am looking for our 400,001st member to join the most prolific rock ‘n’ roll band in North America, ya Dig? If you’re a groovy dude or a righteous chick who knows how to take up space on a stage without necessarily playing an instrument, then we’re the band for you. Inquire within if you have a terrible heroin and/or drinking problem, mutton chops, can hold your own in a brawl when we inevitably start beating the shit out of each other mid-gig, and don’t mind inhabiting house without running water (yes, we insist on living with each other). Need not apply if you have songwriting input, problem-solving abilities, or really any integrity at all. So come join the revolution, man, and show those Dandy Warhols what a bunch of pussies they are after all! Dig!