In Part One of Alayna's story, we left off as she made the difficult decision to go to the hospital after developing clear signs of preeclampsia at the end of her pregnancy. As she had been planning to freebirth, she arrived with no record of prenatal care and ultimately experienced a failed induction followed by a cesarean, the last way she had imagined welcoming her baby.

But Alayna's story is about so much more than the way her baby was born.

In Part Two, she shares with incredible vulnerability about the many layers of grief that followed: being the last person to hold her baby, never seeing her placenta, and coming home to the untouched birth pool, and birth affirmations that had been waiting for a completely different birth.

She also speaks honestly about the loneliness and disconnection she experienced afterward, including the painful thought, "I know she's mine, but I don't feel it yet," and why she couldn't bring herself to share her birth story for two months.

Alayna is still healing. At the  time of our recording, she only recently has she begun to feel that she holds the whole story of her birth, rather than scattered pieces of an experience she was still trying to understand. Together, we talk about grief, PTSD, the small mercies she held onto along the way, and how this experience is shaping, but not yet defining, the choices she may make in a future pregnancy.

If you love the show, I would greatly appreciate a review on  Spotify or Apple Podcasts! 

Follow me on Instagram @healingbirth

Do you have a birth story you'd like to share on the podcast, or would like to otherwise connect? I love to hear from you! Send me a note at [email protected]

Intro / Outro music: Dreams by Markvard

Podcast cover photo by Karina Jensen @karinajensenphoto