Some horror movie villains don’t wear masks, they masquerade as high school heartthrobs in John Hughes movies. This week, we’re talking 80s coming-of-age "classic" SIXTEEN CANDLES alongside 90s teen slasher VALENTINE.

.

We're asking the important questions like... which one is the horror movie? How in the world did Roger Ebert find Sixteen Candles to be "a cheerful movie with a goofy sense of humor... [that] doesn't hate its characters"? And did Valentine reallllllllllly deserve that 11% on Rotten Tomatoes?

.

From a cherub-faced killer out for revenge on the women who rejected him IN THE 6TH GRADE to the sociopath origin story no one asked for – Jake Ryan: American Psycho - both movies feature male characters who just can't seem to grasp this concept: That girl who wasn't interested at the school dance doesn't owe you anything. Especially not a pair of her underwear, or you know, her life. The lesson this week: Women. Don’t. Owe. You. ANYTHING. Louder for the people in the back.

.

For more, find us on the interwebs at happilyeverslasher.com or follow us on Instagram @happilyeverslasher