Habits for Your Happily Ever After

In this episode we’ll uncover the pattern you and your sweetheart have when there’s conflict.1.    We’ll look at how everyone has a typical rhythm to their misunderstandings2.   You'll get a habit to help slow the spin of an argument that gets out of control3.    And you'll get a date night discussion that will help you recognize what upsets your partnerIf you'd like to see a graphic of the relationship misunderstanding cycle, visit this page of my website.

Who do you treat the worst when you've had a bad day?If you're like most people the person you love the most gets the worst of your bad mood.In this episode:We'll discuss why the shrapnel of relationship stress is romantic.You'll get a date night discussion prompt to remind you how your partner comforts you.And you'll get a habit that will lessen stress-shrapnel in your relationship.

In this episode we talk about why the way you say hello and goodbye to your sweetheart matters. You’ll get a hello and goodbye habit to practice. I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt that will make you feel welcomed by your sweetheart. And I’ll offer you a colorful present to make a game out of Hi & Goodbye.Visit my website: RebeccaMullenCoaching.comText me @ 970-210-4480 and tell me where you're hiding your HiByeHeart.

In a long relationship, How do you keep WANTING each other?In this episode you’ll discover a way to keep your sex life thrivingYou’ll hear a story about a romance that was dead and was resuscitatedYou’ll get an adventurous habitAnd I’ll give you a date night discussion topic so you and your lover can explore ways to tend the fire between you.You’ll hear a story about dance class and why getting the steps perfect may be killing your romantic life.You’ll also hear about a wild ride on The Colorado River and how a misunderstanding almost killed any chance for sex on our vacation. How many times has your relationship or sex life been ruined by a misunderstanding? And what’s the fix?Date Night DiscussionWhen it’s easy you’ll create a habit. And habits that connect you will foster your happily ever after. So don’t wait to talk to your spouse.When do you and your spouse connect best as lovers?What makes you WANT your lover?When do you feel desirable? Hint: think about when you laugh most easily. Or when you are a little bit scared as you both step out of your comfort zones together. A tiny bit of fear—once conquered together—tends to be very bonding for lovers.

If you and your spouse only talk about the details of life, you're killing the friendship in your relationship.Is there time to just hang out in your relationship? Or are you always busy?In this episode we'll discuss the role of friend in your relationship:We’ll talk about why companionship builds trust between you and your sweetheartAnd I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt to make it easier to spot the ways you and your sweetheart are good companions.Poor listening in your relationship = erosion of trustYou'll hear how poor listening became a habit in my relationship. With that bad habit, we grew further and further apart. We got that figured out and fixed, but not before it did damage to our relationship.Listen to the story so you can avoid "fix-it-listening" and instead listen so you can build trust in your relationship.Want to see the full show notes for this episode? Click here to go to my website.

OverviewIn this episode I introduce my relationship framework: Partner, Friend & Lover.1.    We’ll talk about how you and your sweetheart can be strong teammates.2.    And I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt that helps you notice how you and your partner help each other. You want to feel like you have a teammate in your relationship.You’ll hear a story about why building a garden bed can be a very different activity depending on whether you’re in partner-mode, friend-mode, or lover-mode. And how not being in the same role at the same time causes problems for your relationship.We’ll talk about why being in the same role at the same time makes it easier to connect in your relationship. But that doesn’t always happen, right?Partners want to achieve and they love the feeling of accomplishment.Friends want to hang out and go with the flow.Lovers want to explore and thrive on novelty. I also tell a story about when my husband decided to go to graduate school when I was 6 months pregnant. I felt proud of what a great contribution I made to his career pivot.I tell the story of how my “help” turned into “control.” Because I got tired.   The Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterThis week’s Habit for Your Happily Ever After is to ponder the partner element in your relationship. Do you connect well as partners? Or is that relationship a struggle for you like it was for my husband and me?Don’t worry about taking any action to change how you relate as partners. We’ll get to that. For now, let it be enough to notice how you relate naturally. And remember, it’s most kind to notice without judging. I know that’s hard to do, but it’s also key to growing intimacy.Date Night DiscussionThis segment of my show is where I offer you a date night discussion prompt. My definition of a date is a moment of connection. And I believe in setting the bar for that connection ridiculously low.This week, find a moment to ask your sweetheart one or more of the following:What do you think we do best as partners or teammates?When do you feel like I help you? When do you enjoy helping me?Text me and let me know when your partner ENJOYS helping you. 970-210-4480. I'd love to know if it surprised you.·     What do you think is our strongest suit when it comes to accomplishing a project together?

In this show we’ll discussHow you might be shoving in your relationship without realizing itYou'll get a date night discussion prompt about what makes a good invitationHow often do you use the word “should” in your relationship?Using the word “should” is a protective move. You’re trying to protect how vulnerable you feel. But your spouse experiences the word “should” as a shove, rather than as the invitation you’re intending.Change one word and you’ll change your relationship. The Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterChange "should" to "would" to improve your relationship communication."Would you..." is an invitation. "You should..." is a shove. Use the "would you..." invitation in your relationship communication. Date Night Discussion Prompt for Your RelationshipTalk about invitations you loved and hated.What's the most memorable invitation you ever got?Would you rather be formally invited or receive the go-with-the-flow "Hey, come along..." type invitation.If you'd rather get a formal invite, what's an idea invitation look like to you?Ex: I gave my husband the exact words that feel great to me when he wants me to do something with him: “Hey Wife, would you be my date …?”

In this episode:You’ll hear a story about earned love vs love that’s freely given and why keeping score in your marriage also keeps love out of reach.You’ll get a laughter challengeAnd I’ll introduce a new segment–Communication Breakdowns/Breakthroughs–and ask for your participation.How do you keep score in your relationship?Do you give yourself a tally mark when you clean the kitchen?Do you dock your spouse when they don’t?Do you count the times you’ve had sex then wait because this time it’s your spouse’s turn to initiate?When you keep score, it hurts your marriage communication. Keeping score turns love into a commodity that has to be earned. Love feels best when it is freely given.Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterMake the “game” of keeping score a REAL GAME that makes each of you laugh. It needs to feel fun for both of you. That’s what will allow your relationship to win.

Resistance is a joy thief. We resist what we don’t want. Things like doing the dirty dishes or a spouse who doesn’t initiate sex. One of the best strategies for resisting these things is blame. When you blame your spouse for the dishes or the lack of sex in your relationship you feel righteous. But you have no joy. I’ll give you a controversial strategy for why you shouldn’t rush yourself to stop blaming in moments like this and how to seduce joy to return to your life.

I introduce how Habits for Your Happily Ever After came to be. As a child of divorce, I felt caught in the messy communication between my parents. I talk about the marriage I created based on trying to shake off the divorce residue I grew up with. And I give an overview of what you can expect from my podcast: date-night-discussion prompts & a tiny habit to support the journey of cultivating your unique happily ever after.