Hardware store… corkscrews and dollies… e-cloths… crap lighting… bedding… a veritable cornucopia of tat… black slippers, rat poison and plastic dinosaurs… broken arrow… drones, wooden mushrooms and weed burners… algorithmic retail and store layouts… wine coolers… tools… chainsaws and teasmades… paint names… almost sage and naughty step… plumbing nightmares and a real plumber… home-made wine, knobs and knockers… health, safety and fireworks… a Santa toilet seat and an apology. And a flat cap.