"What it all boils down to is __________" refers to extracting things down to their essential elements. Can this be done with people? Are we all similar when it comes to something like our values? It doesn't appear to be so. As someone who likes to figure things out and form scripts that could make it easier to understand how human beings tick, it has been virtually impossible to find a clear path through human behavior by examining values. Although I would still insist that people are motivated by the same needs, it's still difficult to match those needs to common values that make sense for everyone in the same way. Despite not having enough common values, we can still better meet each other if we grow our ability to be open-minded and to reserve simple judgments when it comes to what people do and why. The first place to start - if you want more healthy connection to others - is to meet people on their terms and from their point of view. It will seem odd, or be difficult at first, but soon you will start to see more and more how people really are very much the same despite our vast differences.