a.m. it was nowlike 11:00 in the morning and she waslike it was enough morphine to maybelast him a couple of hours he'sdefinitely not had anything so I wentback to his room and I didn't say to himyou haven't hadbecause I kind of thought I don't wanthim to know that he hasn't had anythingif he thinks that the effort that he'shad is making people better I justdidn't want to sort of distract him fromthe absolute peace that he'dmiraculously found and he literally laidon the bed that day and just said to meit's all gone the pain is gonethe fear is gone we'd had theseheartbreaking conversations the daybefore before this this girl had arrivedto complain with us about what we didwith the kids like to be bringing thekids in to come and see him to saygoodbye and it was probably this soundsreally awful it was less than the kidsbut it was more for him because we knewthat our children was so little thatthey wouldn't remember it and he and hewas really emotional about that becausehe just didn't think he had the strengthto say goodbye and he didn't think hecould do it and he said to me I just Idon't he said that everybody is here nowwith me you know and honestly he wasn'tthe kind of person that spoken this theyalready he was not a spiritual guy likehe layed on this bed so at peace andsaid to me everything now is in my heartthe boys are here my love for you ishere my love all of my family is hereand it's like a bright burning ball ofenergy that's never gonna go and I wasjust I was absolutely overwhelmedbecause I remember thinking who is thisperson that's laid here because this ismy husband but it's not my husband and Ireally liked what he was saying to mewas completely the tree so I knew thathe believed it you could see itphysically in his body and that thatthen propelled me to go okay there'ssomething in what we've done here thisprayer whatever this prayer thing isit's worked there's something in it thatwe've got to do more of it maybe thiscan help him and that triggered me thento start writing letters to God so I'dalready been writing letters to Georgebecause I've mentioned earlier I wasseeing a psychologist and she'd said tome look like how do you communicate Isaid look I like to ride she said whyshe can write write write about thetrauma journal about it and I'd beenwriting letters to George every day inhospital all the things that were on myheart that I wanted to tell him that hedidn't have the energy to hear becausehe was so sick but I needed to kind oflet bubble out of my system so that thatthat night I went home and I wrote myfirst prayer to God and then what whatensued was every time I prayed and wrotea letter the girl in London who I didn'treally know who that well at the exactmoment that I would finish praying wouldwrite a response so she'd write back andit would be like it would be a responseto the prayers that I wrote and shedidn't know that I was writing them itwas just the most unbelievably beautifulstory so we had this you know we hadGeorge laying on his death bed in thisstate of peace in this state of perfectbliss and he was quoting scripture okayso George never read the Bible oranything and he was talking to me aboutperfect love which is alone for John inthe gospel and so we had that going onso we had the sort of miraculous bodilyvisible you know George George has gonefrom being in pain to being at peace Ihad this girl that I didn't know who wassomehow supernaturally connected and insync with me responding to my prayersevery time I it was like that old TomHanks movie you've got mail I write Iwrite I write on my iPhone I ordered mr.for my notes on my iPhone and every timeI literally press turn on the top of mytop right while I faint screen I'd get atext it would be just like you knowscripture responses words that gottapush you is used to frame as this iswhat God's put on my heart so thathappened and then there was just thisunbelievablepresence in the room that everybody wasdrawn to sit everybody at the hospitalwas drawn to George's room which I nowknow was the sort of you know what wouldcall in Christianity the Holy Spirit itwas the Holy Spirit was there it justwas pulsating through the room and whatwhat I find interesting now is that Iknow that we all actually recognize thatif that makes sense but we don't realizethat we recognize it because it is in uswe just don't know it and and everyonewho was there you know some people werereligious some people weren't buteverybody knew there was something goingon if that makes sense that the onlyuniversal recognition was that there'ssomething bigger at play here at thehospital you know they said to me afterGeorge died like we wish everyone coulddie in this way like wewe could document it and process it soeveryone could have this des nurses werecoming in on their days off to sit withhim and just be with him becauseincredible presents were so calming itled to a great friendship that I've madewith a with a pastor of a church and notsomething that we now go to every weekas he he was basically the person thatthen came and prayed with us every daybecause I had sort of said to this girlin London you're gonna have to find mesomeone to pray with because I knew myfriends I wasn't a person he wasreligious and so yeah it was just theway I frame it to people is I lost thelove of my life but I've gained thegreatest love all of us can ever knowand it was just so incredibly beautifuland I'm still trying to pick the storytwo years later and question you knowhow why you know what does this mean allof those are the things but ultimatelyall I know is that God is real and Godis good and you know Jesus is real tooyou know all of the stories that happenin the Bible now I have now I've gotthis understanding of the supernaturalthat I saw in that hospital room I canread those stories with the lens ofacceptance that I never had before and Iunderstand them and get that they didhappen and but I think we just I thinkin the society that we live in now wewant everything to be like Amazon Primetimelines you know and actually whatI've also very knows is that the timingsof the supernatural and the holy spiritare just not linked to earthly timing soyou know I can never answer questionslike you know why did you need sevenpeople in a row why did I lose myhusband and then three months later hismother died she dropped dead andsimultaneously to my husband dying mydad was diagnosed with stage four canceryou know says we it wasn't like life wasbeautiful on any show yeah it reallywasn't but what I did what I do youthink I'm what I do maintain is thereyou know cancer is not god-given and ifyou look for God he's always there evenin the bad situations but the badsituations are not always given by Godyou know like it's man's got three willright and someand the way in which we behave in in theworld that we now live in is driven byall three well it's not driven by Godbecause he made us that way so yeah Wowgot goosebumps yeah just a remarkablestory this gonna be in your novel yeahthis is gonna be in my novel and whatwould be amazing so I'm actually doingsome edits at the moment so I'm hopingto get the book out this year that's thelast thing so it would be it would bereally cool to like speak again mightwants the books available so I can sayto people yeah because there's sothere's such steps is the story on saveme levels and I also I'm hugely mindfulthere you know like I I like they say Ican't believe what's happened to mebecause I kind of look at it and go whatwhy like why was all of this way it wentfor us but it was and it is and I justnow feel really strongly about the factthat I have to do something with thistale and with this story you need toraise awareness of cancer to raiseawareness of what it is to live withcancer that it isn't the end of yourlife to raise awareness of the fact thatdeath is it's gonna be something thathappens to all of us and could be themost unbelievably beautiful experienceyou ever ever imagined and they're alsoyou need death is at the end and thatGod's God is real and God is here foryou and and loves you but I alsorecognize that just because I say thatdoesn't mean that I can impart thatbelief into life yeah I mean your yourtruth is your truth and everyone's gottheir own kind of truth I'm always opento anything really I mean you've saidsome certain things there that makeobviously make me think because from aspiritual perspective I have sinned andI have tail as many of them of stuffsimilar oh yeah I'm absolutely incheering my spiritual stuff and evenlike in terms of psychics and mediumsand I'm going to find a tangent here butI do believe in that supernatural powerI suppose or just the whole the fairytale story of this person just oneperson they're kind of I don't knowmaybe I've just got the wrong image ofof God when I said it you knew what theywere and I think that that's the caselike I think go back to the point thatyou made earlier about we have thisvision of our life should all be verytomkostik and we meet the dream partner andwe get the dream house and we get thedream kids and we do things by certainages and I think we're all for whateverreason book to believe that God is aperson on the cloud somewhere and I meanI'm no theological expert you know I'mtwo years into my journey of faith andI'm still understanding the Bible andgetting my head around there and whatthat means to me and how I live my lifebut equally I kind of go it's not theway that I ever thought it was if thatmeans I should be passionate aboutbecause I kind of have now reflected onmy life because of everything that'shappened and gone well I mean what Godwas actually there the whole timeI just didn't know him I didn't know noI didn't know how he worked I didn'tknow how he communicated I mean I if I'mhonest as a feminist have a huge beefwith the fact that he's always referredto as a man I mean I'm not I'm notdisputing that Jesus Jesus was a manokay but but God you know God is what heis and that's what it says in the Biblelike he is not man he's not woman he heis what he is and but he is called a hebecause of the time in which the Biblewas written which is when you know menruled the world not in the way that notthat the hopefully not yeah there's acertain but you said that you lost thegreatest love of your life or you didthen find the greatest love that wecould all will ever know and I just yeahI was so powerful food for thought forme absolutely because there are that Ithink I think we could know how youmentioned in that room and I was kind ofimagining like almost like watching afilm you know when you see him you Jobsand then the sun's beaming and thenwe've all probably had that feeling ofeuphoria with this dis just isn't normallife let's something else is here yeahand I get that and if anything is weirdbecause although I sometimes say okay Idon't believe in God anymoreI believe in every other thing like allthese miraculous character things soit's kind of okay maybe again is just mylanguage that I use language because Ifind that so fascinating and I couldtalk to you for hours just on that andsome of this stuff I've seen people dolike how you mentioned he was speakingScripture and stuff I've seen peoplespeak a different language that they'venever heard of yeah yeah yeah whatyeah yeah yeah is amazing Wow I'm justI'm just so happy that it's such anunfortunate circumstance that you'vemanaged to find some level of happinessyeah life life can be found in therelike it really really and I I feel likeI've been given a second chance at lifethrough my husband's death which is sodesperately sad and you know my greatestwish is that I could have thisperspective with him by my side but forwhatever reason it wasn't meant to bethat way and I'll only ever know thatreason when I am living and having withhim you know so and until then I have tolive the best life I can and thehappiest life I can for me and mychildren because that's all he wantedfor us and that's what God wants for ustoo so I just kind of go you know whatit's my choice you know I can choose forthis to be miserable and this can breakme or I can choose for it to make me andI know how to do this let it make youand let it also inspire you to shareyour story with as many people aspossible yeah with the perspective youhave so yeah yeah that's fantastic Wowokay fantastic this is actually gonna bemy first ever tea pot podcast because Iit was almost too good for me to kind ofquit off so I'm gonna actually make it atwo part show okay I think we could fiteverything in two parts as well and yesit's fantastic so you're actually thefirst ever two-part show and it's beenworth it honestly yeah could justresonate with so many things I'm surethey listen as well as well yeah soadversity I think we've definitely hitthat yeah I'll on the head there amillion times over and I'm done like Isaid early I'm just so happy that you'rein a much better place now what now thennow that you've found God and you'veyou've almost found this new perspectiveI suppose what scares you now my biggestfear is not being able to live a faithfilled life so I I fear that I won'tthat something may happen that imbalanceis this faith because actually I feellike with my faith I can and nothingscares medoes that make sense my biggest fearwould be to not for whatever reason tonot believe in God anymore absolutelybecause of what you believe God hasgiven you yeah and God has for ISM forall of us so I kind of feel like withGod by my side I don't fear anythingfeel invincible I'm not so not to saythat it wouldn't be difficult andincredibly painful and all of those arethe things but I know that God would bewith me but if for whatever reason Ilost God or I lost my connection withGod that that's my greatest fear now tonot not have that okay I understand thatokay and in terms of so your motivationI suppose we kind of touched on itearlier in terms of persevering andgoing forward is that now to kind ofshare your message further and try andenlighten other people yes and why Isuppose my purpose now is to is to sharemy story so I always say to people Idon't wish the circumstances that I havefound myself in upon anyone it's beenhell to live through but what I do wishis the perspective if it's given me andI realize that I've always been likethis fast track version of life yeah sobecause I've had something so bad happento me it's maybe meant that it'sexploded in a way that's been so gooddoes that make sense yeah yeah maybethink about the situation logically andwhat I'm hugely mindful of and I knowI've said this already is I don't expectthat other people I mean you're gonnacome to faith with the same power andpassion that I have but for me if peoplelistening to my story and hearing metalk about what I've lived through canmake them maybe think about how theybehave with people that they know withcancer differently or lean in and helpthem better or think about what they cando to build their resilience muscle orultimately think about is there morelike what what isn't this life like whyam I here are you I mean ultimately youknow if I'm talking in corporatelanguage you know like my ultimateoptimum success would be that peoplefind God nutri through hearing my storyand then it kind of sparking a journeyof interest in themselves and kind ofwanting to to sort of know more andunderstand more but I think there'sloads of other stuff that it could sparkfor them as well so for me it's kind ofwanting to share the sadness of what'shappened to me to make people realizethey're you know there's so much life tobe lived and you've got so much more inyour tank than you ever know that you'vegot until you have to be in a situationwhere you're forced to use it soyeah that's fascinating that's why youwere saying that Episode five AshleyNixon I think you're really really resinL not I'm not trying to give you moneyFelicity yeah he was a boxer yeah and hefound God yeah look I've shared it withall of my it's incredible because thatone yeah okay like I said I mean I'mhere saying I don't necessarily believein God but that episode was so powerfulthat I remember I mean I didn't put itin the actual episode where I wasactually like screaming kind of like Iget it I get where you're kind of sayingyou know how you see put in the churchand they're all like yeah yeah yeah yeahI'm kind of getting that now withyourself and I'm just thinking they'reencouraging I think not be a greatconnection as well because I know he'sdoing fantastic things I think he mightbe up north now he's working yeah he'snot really on social media which buthe's just such a beautiful soul yeahanything yeah what we're gonna do nowwe're actually gonna just completelyflip the scriptokay go into a segment of the show thatI just put in here just for a little bitof fun and this is people obviously knowyou now in terms of your story andeverything but I know there's also youknow just a little fashion stuff thatthey could probably play from justknowing so you ready yeah I'm ready okaywe're gonna go in three two oneokay what did you eat for breakfastshreddies and granola the ability to flyor be invisible be invisible money orfame fame so I could impact people'sthoughts your proudest moment can I haveto both both of my boys face am iachieve all those face of my boys yourfavorite foodOh chocolate Netflix our YouTube netlegs okay your number one goal this yearto publish my book to your coffee teayour favorite sport oh gosh I don't havea favorite sport to watch I'd probablysay tenants okay so you participate inoh I don't really do sport I do I likelike sirJim can we call that a sports boys'llwhy not there's no rules here fantasticokay if you can sit with one person inthe world for an hour who would it beJesus your worst fear is a child Ohprobably something to do with snakes Ireally don't like snakes they scare meyour favorite place in the world lake inNew Zealand South Island of New Zealandsounds amazing speak our languages we'llbe able to speak to animals speak allthe languages if you could have punishedone thing in the world what would it bepoverty would you rather than on how youwould die or when you were they how orwhen I probably say when because I thinkthe power of being able to say goodbyeis unbelievable and it's interestingactually because I remember someoneasked me this question before Georgedied and I always just said I wouldn'twant to know I just want to be shot andactually what I would say to people nowis it's just so unbelievably powerfuland to have the opportunity to saygoodbye and even though it's sad it's soso healing to be able to do it say thatI think you know when you're gonna dieso you can prepare for it emotionallyfinancially is a huge blessing yeahabsolutely I think we're gonna leave itthere and I think that's it that's agreat that you said because I think withdeath it's more the uncertainty and thanthe shock of it that really just throwspeople into a whole whirlwind yeah yeahwe're almost at the end of the show nosadly just got two more things I want toask you and I think this would be aninteresting answer from yourself becauseit's about reflection and I'm not usedto turn it easier how you wish you hadyour perspective when George was aroundso my my view is always the samehindsight you know it's a wonderfulthing we can obviously learn ways wherewe can get to places quicker easier withless heartache but like yourself whichI'm sure you'll agree it teaches us somany lessons yeah access to people thatwe are so knowing exactly what you knownow if you could go back and takeyourself back to a younger Louise youcan choose whatever age you wish whatwould you what would you whisper in youryounger selves is I'd whisper in my earyou're lovedGod is real he's for you he has a planfor you he's with you and he wants youto surrender to him in a way that onlyis right for you I love that I thinkobviously because your experience withGod knows if you were able to have thatthen yeah yeah absolutely yeahsuddenly were actually at the lastquestion now and again this is aquestion ask all of my guests I'm alwaysinterested to kind of know how peoplewant to be remembered and I'm alwayseager to get as many people to sharetheir stories as possible because at theend of the day I truly believe nobodyreally wants to be forgotten and I thinkwe've all got a story out there so if wesay in 150 years time science fails tosave us and all that is left is a bookand this book is by yourself and it's onthe table and you've got a I supposekind of make people want to pick it upso what firstly would the title say andsecondly the blurb at the back of itwhat would it tell us about yourselfwell this is easy re because I'm rightlooking I want to write more than onebook so the series the series of my bookwould be called the wonderfulness oflife and which is actually a name that'staken a lot of letter it's a name that'staken from a letter that George wroteand before he died reflecting on thewonderfulness of life the first bookwould be called he heard my cry andthat's the story that I've sort of toldin part today so if we take that firstbook which is the book I'm hoping toit's obviously kind of published thisyear and that story is a true storyabout love's exploding into my life amoment when I was least expecting it andyou would maybe say that I was likeBridget Jones meeting God tragic aboutthat backdrops and it's the tale of howI was gifted a front-row seat to areal-life miracle the tale of how I lostthe love of my life that gained thegreatest love we can all ever know andit's a tale that I hope and wish willimpact the thinking of a generation wowI love thata real-life miracle yeah it's abrilliant tagline just in relation toyour book and I'll keep jumping back tothis are you gonna be releasing anaudible version I haven't even got thatfar that's a good ideaI'd like to yeah like I'm just beingselfish here because if I read pagesfrom a book I'm asleep within threeseconds so I listen to a lot of my stuffi podcast and I would take that as asign are you amazing please do that Ithink you're being credible and justbefore you leave then I'd like to put inthe show notes obviously for people tobe able to contact you and then yeahhopefully by them contacting you canobviously keep them up to date with therelease of the novel but then I'd loveto get you back as wellcloser to that release or after you'vereleased it as well because I just youknow this is an incredible inspiringremarkable story I think you'refascinating the way you've you justfound this bliss and I can hear it fromyour voice all the way through because Iwas expecting and I'm quite an emotionalperson to get choked up during thisinterview mm-hmm if anything you'remaking me just I've just been smilingjust hearing it although there's a sadelement to the story it's just almost Ijust feel I just feel happy for that soif you caught my husband used to alwayssay say be sad but she was happy yeah healways she's happy I love that yeah yeahso if you could just give us where thelisteners can find yourself yeah I saythe best the best place to find me isprobably on Instagram so I'm onInstagram as wonderful nurse underscoreof underscore life so it's wonderfulnessof life the two underscores I have got awebsite that it's being built at themoment and and yeah I'm also on Facebookas Louise Bligh is but I post onFacebook cause wonderfulness of life andthat's kind of my reflections on life Isuppose and the wonderfulness that wefind in in every day in everyday joy youknow so it's me talking about how I youknow I think it's an invitation to comeand see life through my eyes almostcertainly I didn't knew this afternoonas well when I get back from my nextmeeting I'll add that all in the showknows and onceor website is sell and please do let meknow because what I can do is go backinto the show notes and edit it becausethese episodes they get listened to allsorts of weird and wonderful it's justnot it is www.hs wonderful nurse of lifecalm I think computer I think that's itmy it's there there's a holding pagethere and there's a picture of me it'slinked to my Instagram but it's not gotall the content on it at the moment butif you put that on it is it will take itwill take you somewhere to me and youcan send me a message that I'll get onthat as well so fantastic ok so this hasactually been our first ever two-partepisode thank you thank you thank youhonestly thank you so much for sharingyour story I'm sure it's gonna resonatewith so many people it's been anabsolute pleasure for the listeners aswell thanks for listening oh you're sowelcomeand remember this podcast is absolutelyfree so all we ask in return is for youto share this with a friend and drop usa five star review over on iTunes havean awesome day See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.