In this pre-pre-PRE-Hanukkah special (because we refuse to let Christmas music win), the crew breaks down the real Hanukkah story: the oil, the civil war, the Hellenists, the hammer, and the heroic home court advantage, while also inventing a brand-new Hanukkah tradition involving sword fights and presents hidden in a makeshift Temple.

Along the way, we tackle assimilation, Jewish identity, why no one ever explained the whole “Greeks vs. Syrians” thing, and the surprising appearance of a tall FBI agent who would “take a bullet for the Jews.” Happy early Hanukkah… and don’t forget to pick up your free Chabad menorah.