
Violet was born deaf and wears two cochlear implants. She served a mission to Washington D.C. speaking ASL. She came home early due to depression and anxiety after much consideration, prayer, and counseling with her mission president. She later served a service mission in her hometown area of San Jose. She shares with me her strong testimony and faith in God despite her trials (including the depression and anxiety that still plague her). She is a bright beacon of hope for anyone else struggling to know how to get through the dark night of depression.Finding Joy in Healing: Facebook Page and Instagram Page
Nov 7, 2021
45 min

After a period of inactivity, Summer returned to church and began receiving promptings and dreams about serving a mission. She followed these promptings, but upon entering the MTC she developed terrible anxiety, including panic attacks, and depression. Her mental health became so bad that her physical health began to decline as well. She returned home from the MTC feeling confused and defeated. She soon discovered the reason for her early return though when she was able to help a friend embrace the gospel. Summer also talks to me about how she hears the Spirit and how that has helped her make decisions in her life. She still struggles with depression and anxiety today and talks about what helps her through this ongoing trial.
Oct 24, 2021
38 min

Jake was born with cerebral palsy and as a result was often excluded from activities as a youth in the church. As a result of this exclusion, and a falling out with a friend, Jake became inactive during his later teen and young adult years. He is part of the LGBTQ+ community and identifies most closely as queer. While he was away from the Church, Jake had a close brush with suicide and felt the Spirit tell him to "come home." Jake contacted the missionaries who helped reignite his testimony and desire to come back to church. Shortly after coming back, Jake decided to serve a mission despite his physical limitations. While on his mission, Jake realized that there were things from his past that still needed to be cleared up, particularly related to homosexual immorality, and he opened up to his mission president. Jake was sent home, which he initially felt peace about, but upon returning home was treated in a way that led him into inactivity again. Jake is currently trying to find peace again with the Church, but in the meantime is also doing what he can to deepen his relationship with God and Jesus Christ. He shares with me his insightful perspective on church policies and discipline, as well as how being different in the Church can be extremely difficult. Jake is very open, raw, honest, and vulnerable in this interview and anyone would benefit from listening to his story. Jake's episode on Listen, Learn, and Love: https://soundcloud.com/user-818501778/episode-361-jake-berry-child-of-god-lds-cerebral-palsy-lgbtq
Aug 1, 2021
56 min

Throughout her childhood, Kate was emotionally and physically abused by her father, and then later by her stepmother. While on her mission, Kate experienced anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD. These mental health struggles were not understood by her companions and they became exasperated with her and abused her emotionally and even physically as well. This re-traumatized Kate and brought up a lot of PTSD. She was given a sedative to calm her, but eventually things came to a head and she decided to go home. Upon returning, Kate felt "broken, undignified, and like a complete failure." She transitioned to a service mission shortly after returning home and the healing began. Her family also rescued a dog, which became an emotional support animal for Kate. During this episode, Kate shares how she has been able to turn negatives into positives her whole life, and this experience of returning home early from her mission is no exception.
Jul 18, 2021
53 min

Genisse is the first missionary I have spoken with who came home early due to mental health reasons and then returned to her mission. In this episode, she shares with me her journey of choosing to come home and then choosing to return which includes the ups and downs of therapy, moving forward with life during the 16 months she was home, keeping the desire to return to her mission alive, and going through the required process to return. She also shares what it was like to return to a mission, how she coped with her mental health upon her return, and what has happened in her life since then--including working on a book about this subject and owning a small business, all while still dealing with her depression and anxiety!
Jul 4, 2021
27 min

In this episode, Pascal tells me his story about returning home early due to a prolonged illness that started about a month after he arrived in the field. It was misdiagnosed as depression and homesickness, but turned out to be severe thyroid dysfunction. Pascal shares how he was ostracized by many in his ward back home in Germany and how that led to a period of inactivity because he felt like he didn't belong. When he moved to Utah for school, he felt like he was able to start over with the church and found fellowship and understanding. Pascal also shares his story of conversion to the church and how his testimony helped him to stay in the church even when it was hard. He also tells me about the miracles that happened during this trial and shares wisdom he's gained for anyone going through something similar.
Jun 20, 2021
30 min

There are so many questions that run through the mind of an early-returned missionary, not least of which is questions along the line of "What is the rest of a mission like? Specifically, what is the rest of a proselyting mission like?" To answer this question, and several others, I have invited five missionaries who completed the expected amount of time on their missions to come on the podcast and answer questions from those who needed to return home early. These are people I've talked to before, many times, about their missions, and I know they would give completely honest, sincere answers about what the "rest of a mission" is like--the good and the bad. Some suffered depression, anxiety, companion issues, etc. but for one reason or another were able to complete the intended amount of time. Some didn't struggle with anything serious at all, but like all missionaries, they each had mission experiences unique to them.This is a longer episode for this podcast, so the questions are time-stamped below. 1:32--Introductions5:16--I was out during the pandemic. Can you tell me about the MTC and being out during normal times? Specifically, I never got to knock. What's that like?11:54-- Does a mission get better? It was so hard to adjust. If it does, when? I was only in the field for 3 months.17:03--Did you ever wish that you were sick so that you could have a day off?19:56--How did you persevere through the depression?32:17--What's it like to go on splits?34:37--What is it like to train?39:51--What's it like to do the cool things on a mission like whitewash, shotgun, etc.?44:24--What is it like to have a leadership role?51:28--Conversely, what's it like to go your whole mission without a leadership role?57:40--Did you ever have a companion go home early? How did it affect you?1:01:52--Did you ever seriously consider going home early? Can you share why?1:04:42--Do you see early-returned missionaries differently? Would it change if that person were in your immediate friend group?1:15:38--Why do those who complete the intended amount of time like to talk about their missions so much?1:22:05--Do you want to serve a mission as a senior couple some day?1:26:22--Kristen's final thoughts
Jun 6, 2021
1 hr 28 min

JT had never experienced depression before his mission. He recalls being bullied in the MTC by his companions for six weeks before finding relief in the field before the depression got worse. He stopped feeling his emotions, had bad insomnia, and eventually suicidal thinking. Upon returning home, he felt like such a failure. He was very confused about what had happened to his mental health as he began to experience panic attacks. He saw a therapist which was helpful and also eventually got involved with Mission Fortify and became and early-returned missionary coach which helped his healing process immensely. Although JT isn't overly fond of talking about his mission today, he wouldn't change anything because he feels like it's made him better.
May 23, 2021
41 min

In this podcast episode, Richard Ostler (host of the podcast Listen, Learn, and Love) shares what he has learned about helping those who feel marginalized in the Church, including early-returned missionaries. Richard has served in multiple leadership positions, including as a YSA bishop for three years. Richard is also the parent of an early-returned missionary (due to COVID and OCD Scrupulosity) and shares his experience of going through that trial with his son. In addition to these things, Richard also shares what is challenging about leadership positions, gives good advice to those who return home early, as well as to leaders, and lay church members. He emphasizes honoring personal revelation, utilizing the gift of the Atonement, and loving everyone--especially those we do not understand. And, he tells of his great love for millennials. This is an episode you won't want to miss!You can learn more about Richard and his podcast by going to papaostler.com or listenlearnandlove.org.
May 9, 2021
42 min

In this episode, Synne shares her story of returning home early from her mission in France due to perfectionism, anxiety, depression, and self-harming. She felt like she had failed Heavenly Father and was devastated. However, because of her desire to continue serving, Synne immediately requested to become a service missionary upon returning home, even though there had never been a service missionary in Norway before. Synne persisted despite this and with the help of her leaders, she became the first service missionary in Norway and Sweden! Listen to Synne's story if you want to feel inspired and uplifted about how to continue doing the Lord's work even when things don't go as planned.
Apr 25, 2021
53 min
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