<p>Barista lessons from a cartoon giraffe, alternative career paths for the Pope, how to keep your body parts off todays menu and why not to give your girlfriend a lion for Christmas...</p>

French Revolution beef

"I cook for fashion victims, festival goers, sports fans, dead people (never explain), horsey types, celebrities with cheese fixations &amp; Japanese school children. 21st century Australia?!? There's squalor, cockroaches, mouse shit in the peppercorns, unidentified thickening agents in the mushroom soup, a rat called Basil in the fridge unit &amp; people who’ve been shouted at for so long they pass the abuse on down the line." Musician Barton Hartshorn takes on the Melbourne catering scene armed with blunt knives, a saucepan, a guitar &amp; the increasing realisation that he's not where he should be.