It's Christmas, and you know what that means - it's time to go back in time to meet the ancestors of everyone's favourite douchebag, 1BRUCE1 himself! And it turns out that some of his relatives are more interesting than anyone at Sweet Valley High. We've got runaway aristocrats (of course)! We've got actresses! We've got...underground railroad heroes?! Believe it or not, they don't handle that too badly. And forget about OTG, this Christmas it's all about the RTC - rootin' tootin' cowboys! Also, Anna gets very, very angry about the lack of cans - or rather, the lack of the Patman canning factory. Merry Christmas, everyone!

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