Have you ever thought, “If my spouse and I could just communicate better, most of our issues would take care of themselves?”
Communication is the number one struggle about which couples ask for my advice. When we don’t feel understood, there’s a good chance our spouses feel the same way.
Here are 4 tactical steps to implement today to begin improving the flow of information between the two of you.
1. Stop talking.
Wait… what? When we keep word vomiting on our spouse as tension is rising, we are causing love and affection to hemorrhage out of the relationship.
2. Check your pulse.
A heart rate over 100 can be a signal that you are emotionally flooding. You may begin to have a slight tremor and feel the conversation move to your gut. When this happens, your logical brain is disengaged. Take a break to settle.
3. Suspend judgment.
Judging what the other person is saying is your brain putting your own spin on what you’re hearing. Instead, ask clarifying questions to understand the other’s intent.
4. Lead with your heart.
Begin a difficult talk softly. Compliment. Lead with how much you care about your partner and want to grow closer.
The skills of effective communication can be learned. Practice these simple steps when the stakes aren’t so high.