Poor Nancy. I had to wait until she was dead to write this, obviously. Wouldn't want to shit on her parade, even if she was going the wrong way on a one-way street.

Maybe it was Aries rising. Whatever that means. I'm an Aries, so I could really give a shit about anything. My motto is "I Am!"

Just kidding. I wouldn't have been gentle with Nancy, even though her hand was so bony and the secret service. There were some cute guys guarding her. I bet some of them could role play really well. Not that I'm suggesting that at 15 that would have been appropriate. But as a 57 year-old, it's a delicious scenario.

Imagine being taken backstage by a cute secret service agent to get that handshake propaganda photo taken. Maybe I'd hang around, ask if I could go into the dark room with the cute secret service agent and watch the photos develop.

Honestly, if I'd been able to articulate this at the time, I would have created my own boy band. We'd constantly be fucking each other as we were on tour. Maybe that would have cut down on how many drugs I had to take.