Story of the Week (DR):JP Morgan’s news weekThe Lurid Lawsuit, Salami Scandal and Trash-Can Thief Vexing JPMorgan’s PR Department AND Meme of 'JPMorgan's HR Department in 2026' Has People in Stitches Amid Sex Scandal and Knicks Bin IncidentShe Stole a Knicks Trash Can Off the Street and Lost Her Job at JPMorganThe Trash Bin That Cost Her Career: Who Is Angie Báez? JPMorgan DEI Executive Fired After Viral Knicks Parade VideoThe Trash-Can Thief: Angie Báez, an Executive Director of Community and Industry Engagement at the bank, was captured on a viral video during the New York Knicks championship parade emptying a public trash bin onto a Manhattan sidewalk so she could steal the limited-edition, blue-and-orange Knicks-themed container.The Resolution: JPMorgan quickly terminated her employment after the video went viral. Báez eventually returned the trash bin and was issued $175 in sanitation fines.But what kinds of thing DON’T get you fired and get you fined?In 2023, JPMorgan Chase agreed to a $290 million (1,657,143x) settlement to resolve a class-action lawsuit from survivors of Jeffrey Epstein. The bank was accused of actively ignoring glaring red flags and helping bankroll Epstein’s sex-trafficking operation for 15 years.Internal documents and later congressional probes revealed that the bank processed roughly 4,700 suspicious transactions totaling $1.1 billion for Epstein. They failed to file a single Suspicious Activity Report (SAR) until after his death.Who Kept Their Job? Mary Erdoes: The Head of Asset & Wealth Management was fully aware of Epstein’s status as a high-risk sex offender, reviewed his account, and was directly implicated in internal communications regarding his status. She faced zero professional demotions and remains one of the top candidates to eventually succeed Jamie Dimon as CEO.In 2020, JPMorgan Chase entered a deferred prosecution agreement and agreed to pay a record $920 million (5,257,143x) to settle federal charges of market manipulation.For nearly a decade, traders on JPMorgan’s precious metals and U.S. Treasuries desks engaged in "spoofing"—placing tens of thousands of fake, deceptive orders to artificially move market prices and maximize their own profits. The FBI stated that traders "openly disregarded U.S. laws."While a couple of mid-to-high-level traders (like Michael Nowak and Gregg Smith) were later criminally convicted and sentenced to prison, the executive leadership team responsible for supervising them and implementing compliance programs suffered no casualties. Top management stayed perfectly secure, chalking the multi-million dollar fraud up as the work of a few "bad apples."The Salami Scandal: Veteran wealth manager Brent Bodner was fired by JPMorgan in 2024 after he expensed a $642.50 deli platter (containing wings, sandwiches, and salads) for a Super Bowl gathering at his Beverly Hills home. The bank accused him of intentionally misclassifying a personal party as a pre-approved business meeting.Bodner counter-sued, jokingly dubbing the controversy the "salami incident." He argued that the event was a legitimate client-acquisition dinner that only two prospects ended up attending, and that the minor coding error was used as a pretext to push him out.The Resolution: A FINRA arbitration panel sided heavily with Bodner, ruling that JPMorgan acted preemptively out of paranoia that brokers were leaving for rivals. The panel ordered JPMorgan to pay Bodner $4.25 million in damages.The Lurid Lawsuit: Chirayu Rana, a former vice president on JPMorgan's leveraged finance team, leveled highly salacious allegations against his female supervisor, Executive Director Lorna Hajdini. Rana’s lawsuit alleges he was subjected to a campaign of racial discrimination, severe harassment, and forced sexual relations under the threat of having his career sabotaged.The Resolution: Rana rejected a $1M settlement offer, countering with a demand for up to $22 million before escalating the fi