Abel James Show
Abel James Show
Abel James
Why Trying to Calm Down is Stressing You Out with Dr. Rebecca Heiss
1 hour 2 minutes Posted Mar 12, 2026 at 2:00 pm.
Rethinking stress as energy, not the enemy
Telling people to calm down backfires
Emotional reappraisal and acting "as if"
Its not a tiger: recognizing modern stressors
Invite the tiger for tea: the disaster diary
Processing vs. avoiding stress; using movement
Rebeccas story: blowing up a life to find purpose
The cost of inaction and embracing uncertainty
The Fearless Formula: recognize, reappraise, act
AI, play, and learning through low-stakes experiments
Community, shared challenge, and oxytocin
Rugged individualism, men, and isolation
Service to others: the only stress intervention that worked
Winners cycle, hormones, and learned helplessness
From PTSD to PTG: rewriting the story
Beliefs about stress predict health outcomes
Eustress vs. distress myth; stress as raw energy
Mindset changes physiology: the milkshake study
Training with stress and using it on purpose
Snakes, spiders, and misplaced fears
Updating ancient brains with conscious checks
Spotting dysregulation and quick resets
Fail, nap, repeat: stop adding stress with thoughts
Never aging out of play and sport; building community
Where to find Rebecca Heiss and closing
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Show notes
Feeling a little stressed lately?

You're certainly not alone.

Counterintuitively, instead of beating yourself up for not being able to calm down and eliminate stress altogether, consciously taking on more stress can actually make you perform better.

It's strange but true: "When you need something done, give it to a busy person.

Stress doesn't need to paralyze you or bowl you over, it's a natural energy that can be directed and used to your advantage. The problem is that our ancient brains can't keep up with modern threats.

As our guest puts it: tigers of the savanna have transformed into a snarling inbox.

Since avoiding stress is impossible, what if we stopped trying to "reduce stress" and instead learned to open the floodgates, harnessing our natural energy to use stress as a source of strength, focus and momentum?

In this age of unprecedented technological change and and crippling career insecurity, how can we conquer fear and regain clarity and confidence in the face of uncertainty?

Today we're here with Dr. Rebecca Heiss, a stress physiologist, researcher, keynote speaker, and author of the new book Springboard. Her work has been called transformative by the National Science Foundation, and after this episode, you’ll understand why.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
  • Why telling a stressed out person to calm down is the worst possible thing you can do
  • Why stress management workshops make us more stressed
  • How rugged individualism is fueling a stress epidemic, especially for men
  • Why adults desperately need more play, community, and shared challenge — and how that protects your brain
  • Why we’re more afraid of snakes, spiders, and public speaking than the tiny daily choices that quietly steal years off our lives
  • And much more...
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, burned out, or stuck in your own head, this conversation will help you see stress in a totally different light — not as something to escape, but as natural energy you can channel and direct to launch you to the next level of success.

Find Dr. Rebecca Heiss and her work at: 
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