QUESTION EVERYTHING
QUESTION EVERYTHING
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Oversharing: Are You Doing Too Much or Too Little of It? with Dr. Leslie John (Harvard)
1 hour 5 minutes Posted Aug 20, 2026 at 6:23 am.
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Ever shared something vulnerable and immediately wished you could take it back? That sinking feeling has a name: the vulnerability hangover. Harvard Business School professor and behavioral scientist Dr. Leslie John joins Danielle to unpack the surprising science of self-disclosure, why we often regret what we don't say more than what we do, and how revealing a little more, at work, in dating, and in friendship, can actually deepen trust, strengthen relationships, and change the way we connect. In this episode Dr. John shares:

  • Why we regret what we hide more than what we reveal
  • The science behind trust and human connection
  • How to know if you're oversharing—or simply being honest
  • Why vulnerability feels so uncomfortable
  • The psychology of revealing secrets
  • How social media has changed the way we share our lives
  • The difference between authentic vulnerability and performative sharing
  • Why revealing a little more can improve your relationships
  • The "Goldilocks Principle" of self-disclosure
  • How to have difficult conversations without saying too much
  • What to share on first dates (and what to save for later)
  • How vulnerability can make you a better leader at work
  • Why you should only list a few personality traits on your dating profile.
  • Why reciprocity is the key to building deeper friendships
  • Practical advice for overcoming the fear of opening up
  • How to tell if someone is revealing to connect, or revealing to perform.
  • Why relationships should be built "like a fire," slowly, one reveal at a time.
  • The biggest first-date red flag: skipping straight to trauma dumping.

Dr. John’s Book Recommendations: Difficult Conversations and Unreasonable Hospitality

Grab a copy of Dr. John’s book, Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing, here.

Follow Dr. John on Instagram.

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