When I was younger, I never questioned whether I would become a mother. I assumed it was one of the natural stages of becoming an adult.

Twenty years later, I am not a mother, and I am no longer certain that I ever will be.

In this solo episode, I explore the question I still have not answered: do I want to raise a child now, or am I grieving the mother I always assumed I would become?

I talk about waiting for my relationship, finances, career, and emotional life to feel settled; the fear of repeating patterns from my childhood; the realities of pregnancy in my 40s; and why adoption remains one of the futures I can imagine.

This conversation is for the women who live between a definite yes and a definite no. The women who made careful choices, watched time pass, and are still trying to understand what they truly want.

I do not have an inspiring conclusion to offer. The story is still open.

Visit 1800goaldigger.com to leave me a private voicemail or share your story.

@1800goaldigger explores ambition, identity, confidence, womanhood, and the emotional truth underneath the glamour and celebration of success and growth.